Spun by the spider of desperation.
I know I'm interrupting our special on Canada, but this story demands to be told.
A few days after the breakup, my parents met up to have a drink with Tee. He was hurting, and they liked him, so whatever. It seemed to have gone alright. He's been going all middle-school-girl on Facebook with pictures and liking articles about heartbreak and such, but I usually just roll my eyes when I see it.
I was at a bonfire last weekend when I got a random email from Tee. (Seriously. Wtf is the email obsession?) He told me that he did some sleuthing and saw that Ginny is friends with Soldier (uh, nice job Sherlock.), and that he can put 2 and 2 together. He proceeded to tell me that Soldier doesn't care about me and just wants a booty call; that he's hurt me before and will hurt me again. He told me multiple times that I need to grow the fuck up; he told me I had it made, that I left something real for something fake, and that I had my fairy tale life and my prince. I'm not sure whose fairy tale he was writing me into, because that certainly wasn't my perfect story. He wasn't expecting a response; he simply wanted me to think about the things he said because he cares about me.
I'm a little torn on how I was supposed to feel about all that, it was kind of all over the place. He was trying to tell me that he cared, but getting kind of harsh with talking about the booty call and kind of attacking my character and intelligence. I was annoyed, but figured it would be best to just ignore it instead of starting another futile argument.
Just a few days later, I received another. The first line was how he hadn't expected a response, but the lack of response proves his point. Let's dissect that one piece at a time.
Point A: In the previous email he wasn't expecting a response. In the latter he pointed out he hadn't expected one. He didn't get one. What's the problem? Generally people are pleased when their expectations are met. That sounds like a personal problem.
Point B: His point was proven by the lack of response that hadn't been expected. What point? I hypothesize that his scientific experiment is flawed. Or he just doesn't like the result. Toooo baaaad.
But I guess that's okay...because he thought I was better than that, so I guess I'm just disappointing. But he's trying to knock some sense into me, which is very generous of him. Because I apparently I think I have all the answers, but he must be the one who actually does. The good thing is that he still cares and he'll be there if I need anything, but I broke a trust that can't be repaired and we can never have what we had before.
I kind of wanted to reply and ask what trust I broke--the trust of not telling him I was feeling suffocated? About leaving out that I'd been trying to force myself to care for him? How the thought of spending my life with him utterly exhausted me? He said that I'm hiding and not talking to him, but I don't think he'd believe me even if I did tell him.
Next he told me he knows there will be a time when Soldier kicks me to the curb. See? He has the answers. Keep in mind, though, that he's only saying all of this as a concerned friend. Furthermore, I can't keep living a life like this if I ever want to be happy, and he's worried for me. Somewhere in there I must have started shooting up heroine or turning tricks. How very irresponsible of me!
Luckily I was out having a drink with some coworkers so we were able to laugh it off and they advised me to again just leave it alone.
I half expected another message this past weekend. He went farther.
To set the stage, you need to know that there are a few different parks and hiking trails in the area. Tee was in town and his parents live close to a very large hiking area. There's a smaller hiking area near my house, which is on the complete other side of town. But this was the one he chose to go hiking at. I found this out when my mom said Tee texted her to ask if he could stop at the house to get some water. I was weirded out, but didn't want to be a jerk so I told my mom I was okay with it and that I'd just stay out of sight. Then we got to talking, and she said that she thought he was getting a bit better because he hadn't been texting her as much.
Umm. WHAT?
Turns out he's been texting her up to a couple of times a day, telling her how he's feeling.
Seriously. WHAT?
I understand being hurt after a breakup, but that's just freaking weird. So I just sat and seethed, waiting to leave for the day while he invaded my space.
But I do believe there's hope, I don't think I'm completely entrapped in the web of cray. I guess he didn't realize as he was spinning that web that he was going up against a bigger, deadlier spider.
