Can You Love Your Cat TOO Much?

 Asking for a friend.

Well, here we are, friends. In the continued hellscape that is 2020, I've found my cat to be one of the few things that bring me joy. The fact that I love my cat so much is great...the fact that everything else is garbage is not. Honestly, though, how could you not love this beautiful derp?

Okay. Now that we've had a positive starter, let's get into it. Because there is A LOT to get into. 

POLITICS

Yes, politics, the endless source of anxiety and anger for every American nowadays. And, rest of the world, are you laughing at us, pitying us, or just cringing at the shitshow? Seriously, what in the actual fuck is going on? I knew that Trump wouldn't concede if he lost, but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I mean, you guys all know that I am absolutely not a fan of him and I'm even more baffled now as to how anyone could support him. I stopped reading the news months ago because it was just more and more depressing. Scrolling through Facebook isn't much better (especially because I always make the STUPID mistake of reading the comments). And I'm worried, because what happens on January 20 if he's still refusing? What if he finds a Secretary of Defense who's willing to put the force of the military behind him? Maybe it's needless concern, but at this point I don't think you can put anything past him. And all the hullabaloo about the election being rigged or fraudulent? Come on. Voting from my home was the best thing I could do, because it gave me the chance to actually look up each candidate as I was looking at the ballot. But somehow the fact that we're in the middle of a devastating pandemic shouldn't have changed anything. Which brings me to...

COVID

I'm not even sure I can accurately express my feelings on this one. But mostly, those feelings are terror and frustration. I worked in a hospital at the beginning of this, and during the first set of lockdowns. I listened to the doctors and nurses talk about what was happening to the COVID patients. I saw them get rundown by all the PPE, by the amount of time trying to get everything possible done in one room (and other patients needing them while being stuck in that room), by the fear of catching the virus and taking it home to their families, by the frustration of staffing shortages and constantly changing policies. And I saw the strain on resources: shortages of PPE and cleaning products, reducing some rooms from two patients to one, attempting to consolidate COVID patients to specific units or areas, and low morale. 

I realize when you talk about lockdowns, it becomes political. What I don't understand is the aversion (really, toddler-like tantrums) to mask wearing and social distancing. It's so hard that the lockdown option (hopefully) saves lives and the hospitals, but it trashes the economy and the businesses that get shut down. I try to be understanding to the people making these decisions because I don't think there is a good option right now. 

MY MISERY

On top of the COVID frustrations that everyone is feeling, I have an extra layer with my autoimmune disease. Any time I leave the house (which for months has only to go grocery shopping or get takeout), have severe anxiety. I don't want to be near anyone. I miss my family but I'm afraid to visit. The only jobs I'm looking at (which is a whole other thing) are work from home. And I just wish there was something that would help ease it all. I want to work out till I feel better. Eat until I feel better. Shop until I feel better. Draw until I feel better. Bake until I feel better. Sleep until I feel better. Just SOMETHING, until I feel better. I even considered stopping my infusions that suppress my immune system; I'm not even sure if it would make a difference, and my body just gets too bad to stop. Then you see all these people basically saying your life is expendable to save the economy and a more convenient way of life, and it's pretty disheartening. It's a hard position to be in. 

The extra (extra extra?) layer of concern to this year was moving. Each time we've moved (and I may have written about this already), I lose all self confidence. That's not ideal for job-searching. The first issue is I blank on what I want to do. What kind of job would I like? What's going to give me a sense of purpose? Have I ever enjoyed doing anything? Then, when I come up with something that might be good, I look at job descriptions and feel like I'm completely useless, that I have no skills, and that nobody should ever hire me to do anything. Which, of course, I logically know isn't true. Unfortunately logic doesn't help much in this case. 

Harumph. I'm now trying to come up with a somewhat positive way to end this. I guess the positive side is that Soldier is very supportive (in his weird way). He gets the brunt of my frustrations and anger and patiently accepts my apologies for the mood swings. He doesn't put pressure on me to start working again. He goes along with every meal, bake, or hobby I want to try. 

With all that, it seems that maybe thigs aren't so awful after all. 

196 Books: The Gambia

 Reading the Ceiling by Dayo Forster

The Gambia is this little sliver inside Senegal (what's with Africa putting countries inside other countries?)

Here's the summary:

Ayodele has just turned eighteen and has decided, having now reached womanhood, that the time is right to lose her virginity. She's drawn up a shortlist: Reuben, the failsafe; Yuan, a long-admired schoolfriend; Frederick Adams, the 42-year-old, soon-to-be-pot-bellied father of her best friend. What she doesn't know is that her choice of suitor will have a drastic effect on the rest of her life. Three men. Three paths. One will send Ayodele to Europe, to university and to a very different life - but it will be a voyage strewn with heartache. Another will send her around the globe on an epic journey, transforming her beyond recognition but at the cost of an almost unbearable loss. And another will see her remain in Africa, a wife and mother caught in a polygamous marriage. Each will change her irrevocably - but which will she choose?

Oh my word. I was really excited at the prospect of this story, and it absolutely did not disappoint! Firstly I loved the idea that this girl has come at sex in such a pragmatic way. She's taking control of her body and life, despite what she's told is proper (it's set in the 80s, so of course women's most important attribute is their virginity...severe eye roll.) 

The other part I was excited about was that each choice gives her a different life. And the book was set up that way--each option had its own section that described how her life went. And isn't that such an interesting thought--if I'd done this or that differently, would it have changed how my life is now?

Lastly, the book made me feel SO MANY THINGS. In one of the sections, (SPOILER) she dates the person she had sex with and he ends up dying. She is so consumed in her grief that it broke my heart, and I had to put the book away. I know that if something happened to Soldier, I would be absolutely d.e.v.a.s.t.a.t.e.d. That was hard to type. But yeah, she takes a long time to get back to "okay" and has a quandary: she can't stay where she is because that's where they lived together, and she can't go home because there are too many memories. I've thought of what I would do in that situation, and it's true, you would almost have to go somewhere completely different to start a completely new life. 

I want to go over a couple of passages that really resonated with me. 

"I must have chosen this path in little steps, I have been so afraid of the harm I could do to a single other person. Harm was done to me too. Is that how it goes? The hurt yo-yoing from person to person until it loses its bounces and then stays in that last person-still and immovable." You hear it over and over: "hurt people hurt people." But this is such a thoughtful way of describing it. In this case she kind of shuts herself off from other people getting close, but in many other cases harm is intentionally (or unknowingly; the person thinking it's normal) done to others. 

"This constant following of the perfect life leads to wants that cannot be satisfied, like a mamiwata (mermaid) longing for life with legs on land, when all of the ocean is open to her, free to swim in, free to claim." I've felt this more or less over the years, but it's so strong now. I flounder each time we move, not knowing what to do with myself and my life. Especially now with covid running rampant and being afraid to leave the house. And, I dunno, most of the time it feels like if I could just get a specific thing, go to a specific place, or achieve something specific, then I'd be good. It's the perpetual striving for more. Anyway, once you get that thing, guess what? Nothing's different. Well now it got depressing again. 

Anyway (do I always start my closing with "anyway"?) this was a really great book. It was almost like 3 stories in one, with the same cast of characters and tone. I'm glad it was so good, because DiploSister's last residence was in The Gambia so it held a bit of a special place. Ok. Onward and upward!

196 Books: Gabon

 Between Man and Beast by Monte Reel

Gabon is in Africa:

And here's the summary:

In 1856, Paul Du Chaillu ventured into the African jungle in search of a mythic beast, the gorilla. After wild encounters with vicious cannibals, deadly snakes, and tribal kings, Du Chaillu emerged with 20 preserved gorilla skins—two of which were stuffed and brought on tour—and walked smack dab into the biggest scientific debate of the time: Darwin's theory of evolution. Quickly, Du Chaillu's trophies went from objects of wonder to key pieces in an all-out intellectual war. With a wide range of characters, including Abraham Lincoln, Arthur Conan Doyle, P.T Barnum, Thackeray, and of course, Charles Darwin, this is a one of a kind book about a singular moment in history.

The most important part (for my purposes) about this book, and a bit of a bummer, was that most of it was not set in Gabon. I imagined there would be large descriptions of his time in the jungle. Of course, that was in there, but it was more about the man and the scientific debate. 

However, that didn't make it less interesting. The one thing that stands the test of time? People suck. Just overall. You had Du Chaillu, who was killing and stuffing animals right and left for the sake of science, other adventurers and explorers who wanted to undermine Du Chaillu to prop themselves up, and of course the HUGE amount of people who believed that people of color were "less than." This actually came into play as Du Chaillu's heritage was questioned (it turns out he was half African, half French, but he never 'fessed up to it). There was also classism and just a whole bunch of egotistical jerks. Not to mention the religious zealots. Apparently they decided that the day of creation "occurred on October 22 in 4004 B.C." So...is that the creation of man, or just creation in general? Because if it's general, I'm curious what was going on for the 4000 years before that. 

But it's sad, really. This guy decided he was going to explore in the interior of Africa and discovered all this new stuff. So many people didn't want to believe he'd really done it, or that he was exaggerating, and didn't want to accept his incredible findings. Then when he decided to go back and prove it, the natives turned on him (understandably really, he accidentally brought smallpox). I wonder what it would be like to explore an area completely untouched by modern civilization. Terrifying and amazing. Can you tell I'm sorely missing travel and adventure? 

Du Chaillu wrote a book about his exploration, and I almost wish I'd read that one instead. Maybe someday. Until I can go places again, maybe I'll do some of those virtual museum tours. 

196 Books: France

 The Confidant by Helene Gremillon 

I'm assuming most of you know where France is, but anyway:

I'm assuming you don't already know the summary:

Paris, 1975. While sifting through condolence letters after her mother's death, Camille finds a long, handwritten missive that she assumes came by mistake. But every Tuesday brings another installment from a stranger named Louis, a man separated from his first love, Annie, in the years before World War II. In his tale, Annie falls victim to the merciless plot of a wealthy, barren couple just as German troops arrive in Paris. But also awaiting Camille's discovery is the other side of the story - one that calls into question Annie's innocence and reveals the devastating consequences of revenge. As Camille reads on, she realizes that her own life may be the next chapter in this tragic story.

Here's your warning that this is going to be full of spoilers. 

I had a hard time putting this one down. It went back and forth between Camille's narration and the letters she receives, and the different sections had different font, so it was really easy to tell which was which. The backstory (if you want to call it that) is obviously super weird and basically everyone involved is very manipulative. 

This rich couple that Annie meets can't have children, which back in the 40s was a much bigger deal. So in one account the wife asks Annie to have the child for them, and in the other account Annie offers. But either way, the gist of it is Annie is going to have sex with the husband and hopefully get pregnant. I just...wtf. Look, I get it. Or maybe I don't; my desire to have children would never lead to me asking my husband to have sex with someone else. That's messed up. So in the initial encounter they go off into a room but he actually refuses to do it. But somewhere along there (it wasn't really explained how), they end up falling in love and keep having trysts. Not actually having sex though, so she won't get pregnant and they can keep meeting. Of course he gets drafted into the war and Annie does end up pregnant. Then Annie and the wife run off to Paris for the pregnancy, but they each become more suspicious and hateful of each other as time passes. Shortly after the baby is born, the wife kicks Annie out. She finds out later that Annie is always lurking around though, keeping her distance but watching the child. Eventually it seems like Annie commits suicide, but then at the end it kinda sounds like she didn't. Not really sure about that. 

So on the other end we have Camille. Shortly before her mother's death, Camille finds out she's pregnant and is trying to figure out what to do, as she doesn't think her boyfriend will be on board. She ultimately decides she's going to keep it because, "Abortion may claim to rescue women from the slavery of motherhood, but it imposes another form of slavery: guilt." Which, ugh, made me roll my eyes hard. It's one of the classic "pro-life" (more like pro-fetus) arguments: every single woman who has ever had an abortion regrets it and spends the rest of her life plagued with guilt. 

Anyway, Camille wrestles with her pregnancy and finding out that her mother wasn't really her mother. But it didn't ultimately say if she's going searching for her real mother (who, tbh, might be dead...still not sure). Also, the ending was super weird: Camille is out by this lake and a random plane lands and she takes a ride in it. And there's some light. It probably means something that I'm not deep enough to understand. 

Anyway, great book overall. It kept me on the edge of my seat!

196 Books: Finland

 Troll: A Love Story by Johanna Sinisalo

Finland is way up here:

Here's the summary:

Angel, a young photographer, comes home from a night of carousing to find a group of drunken teenagers in the courtyard of his apartment building, taunting a wounded, helpless young troll. He takes it in, not suspecting the dramatic consequences of this decision. What does one do with a troll in the city? As the troll’s presence influences Angel’s life in ways he could never have predicted, it becomes clear that the creature is the familiar of man’s most forbidden feelings. A novel of sparkling originality, Troll is a wry, beguiling story of nature and man’s relationship to wild things, and of the dark power of the wildness in ourselves.

A couple of weekends ago we were Soldier's family, and I was debating with the guys about trophy hunting. It was pretty much 3 on 1: they're all hunters and would do some trophy hunting if they could; I argued that it's bad for a number of reasons. One of these reasons was that we're just decimating these species for our own vanity. I broadened my argument to how we increase the size of our cities, cut down the forests, push animals out of their natural homes, and then kill them for being a nuisance or bothering our suburban existence. That bothers me. Now to the book! This book spoke to our urban sprawl a little bit. 

So Angel finds this troll. And in the book, trolls are just wild animals in northern Europe and Russia (maybe in North America too, I don't really remember it speaking to that area much). The troll is obviously hurt or sick and Angel takes it in, then ends up falling in "love" with it. Listen, I understand. I'm pretty obsessed with my cat. But here's the thing: a wild animal is still a wild animal. I'll see articles or Instagram posts about these wild animals that someone has raised and now thinks they're domesticated. But I feel like most people are just kind of waiting for it to go very, very wrong. 

SPOILER. 

The troll situation goes very, very wrong. He injures one guy and kills another. So Angel decides to flee with the troll (who he's named Pessi). 

BIG SPOILERS

It turns out the trolls have learned and evolved a bit; they can use human "tools" and seem to want to take over. So Angel and Pessi find some bigger trolls and they kind of take Angel hostage. And that's it. Which, I usually have a hard time with an ending that leaves a lot to the imagination, but this one didn't really bother me. 

One thing that was really cool was the story was interspersed with news articles, book passages, poems, and the like. Information and stories about trolls as if they're bears or moose. It was the "research" that Angel did to learn how to take care of Pessi. 

This was such a cool book. I loved the folklore turned into a modern story. It would make me want to go to Finland, except it's cold there. 

196 Books: Fiji

 Fiji by Lance Morcan and James Morcan

Fiji is an island I would like to be on right now:

Here's the nutshell of the book:

By the mid-1800's, Fiji has become a melting pot of cannibals, warring native tribes, sailors, traders, prostitutes, escaped convicts and all manner of foreign undesirables. It's in this hostile environment an innocent young Englishwoman and a worldly American adventurer find themselves.

Susannah Drake, a missionary, questions her calling to spread God's Word as she's torn between her spiritual and sexual selves. As her forbidden desires intensify, she turns to the scriptures and prayer to quash the sinful thoughts - without success.

Nathan Johnson arrives to trade muskets to the Fijians and immediately finds himself at odds with Susannah. She despises him for introducing the white man's weapons to the very people she is trying to convert and he pities her for her naivety. Despite their differences, there's an undeniable chemistry between them.

When their lives are suddenly endangered by marauding cannibals, Susannah and Nathan are forced to rely on each other for their very survival.

It was a bit difficult to find a book for Fiji, and I ended up having to go with this father/son duo from New Zealand. But I kinda thought that might be close enough? And, honestly, this was exactly the book I needed right now. I usually have about 3 books going at a time, and most of them have been heavy and full of war and hate. Add that to what's happening in the world and I pretty much lived in a hole of anger, sadness, and despair. 

So this book was just a fun, frivolous, cheesy romance. There did seem to be a lot of research into the history of it, and some (I assume real) native words and customs were thrown in, which I love. I keep meaning to mention it; I love when authors throw in a word native to that country and then say what it is. I don't remember any of them, but I feel like I'm learning something at the time. 

Don't get me wrong, I rolled my eyes a bunch of times because it was the predictable, chauvinistic love story. The only thing I can say is that they at least didn't describe every woman solely by their physical features that inevitably resemble Barbie proportions. But it was also this guy who started out as a headstrong, egotistical asshole who meets this devout, beautiful woman and she completely changes his mind in a matter of like two weeks. So then he becomes a completely different person which is of course absolutely understandable. Could you sense my sarcasm?

Okay, I'll stop hating now. Like I said, I needed this book. Obviously, since I read it in less than a week. It was exciting and kept me interested and didn't make me think too hard. I loved it. Guys. Things are hard right now. I decided it was okay to not take on all the problems of this history of the world and then do nothing to help solve them. At least for now. 

196 Books: Ethiopia

 Beneath the Lion's Gaze by Maaza Mengiste 

Here's Ethiopia:

Here's the summary:

This memorable, heartbreaking story opens in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, 1974, on the eve of a revolution. Yonas kneels in his mother’s prayer room, pleading to his god for an end to the violence that has wracked his family and country. His father, Hailu, a prominent doctor, has been ordered to report to jail after helping a victim of state-sanctioned torture to die. And Dawit, Hailu’s youngest son, has joined an underground resistance movement—a choice that will lead to more upheaval and bloodshed across a ravaged Ethiopia.

Beneath the Lion’s Gaze tells a gripping story of family, of the bonds of love and friendship set in a time and place that has rarely been explored in fiction. It is a story about the lengths human beings will go in pursuit of freedom and the human price of a national revolution. Emotionally gripping, poetic, and indelibly tragic, Beneath The Lion’s Gaze is a transcendent and powerful debut.

Oh my word. This book was incredible. But man, SO dark. I keep being drawn to war themed books, and I don't know if I have some sort of sick fascination or if I feel like that history should be remembered. Could be both, I guess. The way the author told the story of this family during the revolution was heartbreaking and so compelling. They each had different views and feelings of responsibility on what was happening in their world and how to deal with it. 

But, as with most of the war stories I've read, the inhumanity is gut-wrenching. Have we all figured out by now that torture doesn't actually work? Is that a thing that can go away? Has anyone figured out that just murdering all your opponents isn't the best plan in the long run? There was one quote about this that I found interesting: "That's what a new government will fix. These rich elites are nothing but traitors to their people, and until we get rid of all of them, nothing will change!" But then the enemy changes or people become disenfranchised or whatever. One thing I find super interesting, and it's happened in many of the civil war/coup d'etat books I've read, is that one dictatorship or undesirable regime gets overthrown and the new system is exactly the same. Or worse. The torture used in this one was sickening-there were honestly times where I was really into the story but had to stop reading because it was making me sick to my stomach. 

Seriously. This book was amazing. Mostly the way she wove the relationships and how they were affected by the war. But she was also really good at describing the awful torture. So, I guess that's nice. 

Anyway, that's it for the letter E! Moving on!

196 Books: Estonia

 When the Doves Disappeared by Sofi Oksanen

Estonia is in northern Europe:

And the summary:

1941: In Communist-ruled, war-ravaged Estonia, two men are fleeing from the Red Army—Roland, a fiercely principled freedom fighter, and his slippery cousin Edgar. When the Germans arrive, Roland goes into hiding; Edgar abandons his unhappy wife, Juudit, and takes on a new identity as a loyal supporter of the Nazi regime . . . 1963: Estonia is again under Communist control, independence even further out of reach behind the Iron Curtain. Edgar is now a Soviet apparatchik, desperate to hide the secrets of his past life and stay close to those in power. But his fate remains entangled with Roland’s, and with Juudit, who may hold the key to uncovering the truth . . .

Great acts of deception and heroism collide in this masterful story of surveillance, passion, and betrayal, as Sofi Oksanen brings to life the frailty—and the resilience—of humanity under the shadow of tyranny.

I think it's rather obvious that I'm kind of fascinated with WWII. Some of these books have shown me, as this one has, just how much of a bubble my history education has been. Like Egypt, this is another example of a country that welcomed Germany and hoped for their victory. 

In the 1940s sections of the book, the Bolsheviks trying to take over Estonia, and Germany is trying to run them out and "free" Estonia. So, honestly, it makes sense for them to support Germany and be glad of that occupation. Of course, as the years pass, it comes out what Germany is actually doing with the Jews and those they deem undesirable. But, and this feels horrible to say, but I felt sad when the Soviet Union prevailed and then just took over the country again. So in the 1960s sections they're under Communist rule and still don't get to have their country back. 

So then we come to the characters. On one extreme you have Roland, who stuck to his principles and fought to have his country back. At the other extreme you have sneaky, cunning, douchebag Edgar. Who I obviously hated. There's something so cowardly about a person who can put on a different mask for any occasion and who will lie, cheat, steal, kill, and otherwise do anything needed to gain favor and power. And Juudit was kind of in the middle, really just trying to get through life and be somewhat happy.

Here's the bad part: the story was good and entertaining, but the ending was completely unsatisfying. The bad guy prevailed. And he basically sacrificed his family to get there. And while I truly believe self-preservation is extremely persuasive, it's not the same as severe selfishness. 

196 Books: Eritrea

 The Consequences of Love by Sulaiman Addonia

Here's Eritrea, in Africa:

Here's the summary:

A Romeo and Juliet story set against the strict Muslim laws of Saudi Arabia, Sulaiman Addonia’s astonishing debut novel is a sensuous and intensely wrought story of a young immigrant and a girl behind a veil who defy law and risk their lives to be together.

Under a relentless summer sun, women dressed like long dark shadows and men decked out in light cotton robes roam the streets of Jeddah. While most of Naser’s friends have left town to escape the heat, he must stay behind to work. An African immigrant and outsider, Naser spends his spare time frequenting a friend’s café, writing letters to his mother in Eritrea, and daydreaming about the glamorous girlfriend he hopes to one day have.

Naser and his younger brother were sent to Saudi Arabia to avoid the war back home, but though they live with their conservative Muslim uncle they remain under the watchful, wrathful eyes of the religious police, who monitor the community’s every action, govern the near indestructible boundaries between men and women–walls in mosques, panels on buses, separate visiting quarters in houses, and, of course, the black veil, or abaya, that adorns the women–and punish any disobedience by public beating or death.

But a splash of color arrives in Naser’s world when unexpectedly a small piece of paper is dropped at his feet. It is a love note from a girl whose face he has never seen and whose voice he has never heard. To identify her among the sea of veiled women, she instructs him to look for a pair of pink shoes peeking out from under her draped abaya. Intrigued and encouraged, Naser rebels against Wahhabist Islamic convention and begins a clandestine correspondence with the girl. Yet even as the barriers that divide them begin to crumble under the weight of their passionate prose and devotion, the lovers’ illicit affair will face the ultimate and most heartrending test.

First let me complain that Google changed the format of the blog and now it doesn't show me where my readers are from and it's DUMB. I like seeing where you all come from! 

This is another book with a cool author--he was born in Eritrea, lived in a refugee camp in Sudan, then lived in Saudi Arabia before seeking asylum in London. Even though this book has the standard disclaimer of it all being fictional, I wonder how much of it he lived. Oh! There will also be spoilers sprinkled in this one, so beware!

I feel like I kind of cheated on this one because I knew it wasn't set in Eritrea. The only part set there is when Naser and his brother are being sent away from the war, and the rest is in Saudi Arabia. I picked it because there weren't very many choices, and it sounded SO GOOD (and it was). Even though I knew it would give me anxiety the whole time, which of course it did. 

We go through a little bit of Naser's early life and the difficulty of being a foreigner in Saudi Arabia. Every immigrant has to have a sponsor (kafeer) who basically controls their life. At an early age (11 or 15 I think), Naser's uncle's kafeer decides that in lieu of the increased monthly price, he will take Naser as payment. When he runs away from the uncle's house, he lives and works in a cafe where he is also basically treated as a sex slave. 

So, here's the biggest WTF in the book: men can't have anything to do with women, but it's fine to rape young boys. WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS HATING ON THE WOMEN?! 

When Naser gets the note from the girl, I instantly was yelling at him in my head. I was torn the entire time between "this whole system is such bullshit just let them talk to each other" and "you gotta follow the rules or it's gonna be real bad for you, bro!" They went to great lengths to communicate with each other and I was just waiting for them to get caught. It's a good thing I read it in an ebook form or I would have cheated and read the ending. SPOILER! He ends up getting betrayed, caught, and deported. At least he wasn't killed, I guess. 

But-ugh-this book did not paint Saudi Arabia in a good light. Everyone was deceitful and tricksy. Women had to wear the abaya, which is the entire body being covered-not even the eyes can show. Women have no control over their lives, refugees are beholden to their kafeers, and then there's the whole sharia law with the religious police (which kind of just seemed like police in general). When someone breaks the law, there's a public square where they get flogged, stoned, or beheaded, and everyone comes out to cheer and yell that the lawbreaker is going to hell. 

I'm guessing this book was set in the 80s, so maybe it's better now? Didn't women even get the right to drive a couple years back? I'm not sure if I'm being hopeful or sarcastic. Maybe I'll find out when I hit Saudi Arabia on my reading trip. 

196 Books: Equatorial Guinea

By Night the Mountain Burns by Juan Tomas Avila Laurel

Equatorial Guinea is on the west African coast:

The summary:
By Night the Mountain Burns recounts the narrator's childhood on a remote island off the West African coast, living with his mysterious grandfather, several mothers and no fathers. We learn of a dark chapter in the island's history: a bush fire destroys the crops, then hundreds perish in a cholera outbreak. Superstition dominates, and the islanders must sacrifice their possessions to the enraged ocean god. What of their lives will they manage to save? Whitmanesque in its lyrical evocation of the island, Ávila Laurel’s writing builds quietly, through the oral rhythms of traditional storytelling, into gripping drama worthy of an Achebe or a García Márquez.

I also want to include the information about the author because I found it really interesting:
"Juan Tomas Avila Laurel was born in 1966 in Equatorial Guinea, Africa's only Spanish-speaking country. His parents were from the remote Annobon Island, off the West African coast. 
...Avila Laurel has been a constant thorn in the side of his country's long-standing dictatorial government. A nurse by profession, he was for many years one of the best known Equatorial Guinean writers not to have opted to live in exile. But in 2011, after a week-long hunger strike in protest against Obiang's regime, which he timed to coincide with the president of Spain's visit to Equatorial Guinea, Avila Laurel moved to Barcelona. He writes across all media, and is particularly active as a blogger, essayist, and novelist." 

This guy sounds like such a badass. 

This book totally messed with my mind because, for the majority of it, it sounds like it's set in the 1800s or something, but then there would be mention of a radio or an air purifier. And then when you find out Avila Laurel was born in 1966, it had to have taken place in the 70s. But he would talk about ships coming from other countries and I still imagined wooden pirate-looking ships.

One thing I found very interesting was that the author attributed all the bad things stemming from one incident. It was an incident involving a woman being violated with an object. Granted, she was being beaten to death by a mob, but the violation struck him so much that he blamed all of the other bad things on this. Interesting how this kid can understand how horrific something like that is, and yet grown men keep doing it.

I would have liked to hear more of his older life and how he left the island. (I'm assuming he left the island and went to live on mainland Equatorial Guinea. Btw, Equatorial Guinea is really hard to spell/type.) There's also one point that didn't make sense to me-he says he's not a writer and that the stories came from an outsider wanting to capture their folk tales. I guess it could have started that way, but he obviously is a writer so...shrug.

Anyway, this was another example of why it's so cool to do this "challenge" and learn about so many different places and cultures. I feel like my mind broadens with every book...even the ones I don't like.

196 Books: El Salvador

Senselessness by Horacio Castellanos Moya


El Salvador is in the middle of Central America:

Honestly I didn't really know where it was. 


Summary:
A boozing, sex-obsessed writer finds himself employed by the Catholic Church (an institution he loathes) to proofread a 1,100 page report on the army's massacre and torture of thousands of indigenous villagers a decade earlier, including the testimonies of the survivors. The writer's job is to tidy it up: he rants, "that was what my work was all about, cleaning up and giving a manicure to the Catholic hands that were piously getting ready to squeeze the balls of the military tiger." Mesmerized by the strange Vallejo-like poetry of the Indians' phrases ("the houses they were sad because no people were inside them"), the increasingly agitated and frightened writer is endangered twice over: by the spell the strangely beautiful heart-rending voices exert over his tenuous sanity, and by real danger—after all, the murderers are the very generals who still run this unnamed Latin American country.

The first thing I noticed about this book is that the author was apparently trying to see how few periods he could use. I'm not being dramatic-he would use half a page with one sentence. Dude, if you have to use twenty commas, you need to revise. It seriously stressed me out. Then I realized how short the book was and decided I could suck it up. 

The mental anguish of having to proof the report seemed very real, and through the villagers' phrases, you could absolutely imagine how it would take a toll. He became obsessed with relaying these phrases to others and wanting them to see the beauty in them. He wasn't a terribly likable character. But as far as the real danger...I didn't get that feeling till the very end. It seemed more like the narrator was just becoming really paranoid. 

As I looked more into it people said that the unnamed Latin American country was most likely Guatemala. So not only was it a mediocre book, it wasn't even set in the right country. I really need to do better at vetting them. 

I also had kind of a wave of tiredness come over me when I sat down (on the floor of a sad, mostly empty room since we're in the process of moving) to write this. Why am I doing it? Who cares? I guess it's kind of a way to keep track of the books I've read, but really I could just make a list of them. I dunno. I'm in a funk right now because of the move and everything else that's going on in the world, so I'm not going to stop doing all this right now. But we'll see. Time to vet some new books I guess. 

It's the End of the World as We Know It

And I feel...


Well, there's been a lot of shit happening. Let's go in sections. 


The Virus

As someone with a useless immune system who also works at a hospital (didn't really think that one through, now did I?), this thing terrifies me. Each time I tried to write a post about it, I got to this point of despair and just closed my laptop. Soldier told me I could quit my job. My siblings tried earnestly to convince me not to go to work. But I kept going and walked into the security theater (as Soldier calls it) of taking temperatures at the point of entry. One day my temp came up at 90 degrees. That's lower than the point of hypothermia...but I didn't have a fever so it was fine. And apparently nobody cared that the thermometers were obviously wildly inaccurate. We stopped allowing visitors which was weird at first but we quickly started to enjoy. My unit was closed for maybe 2 months? The time has all run together in my head. In that time I went to other units and got more comfortable and made lots of new friends. Actually, our area wasn't hit too hard. We've been lucky. 
But with things opening back up, I'm now more scared than I was in the beginning. People have gotten stir crazy and they think that wearing a mask or simply giving people space is an inconvenience and somehow stepping on their civil liberties. Is this happening in other countries? I'm so disappointed in this country. Yesterday we went out for the first time since things started opening up. We thought a winery would be safe--outside options and gorgeous weather. But it turned out the place was huge, and completely packed. Almost nobody wore masks (admittedly I didn't either, though I usually do). I tried to keep my distance from others in line but people would cut through or butt up behind me. My chest felt tight and I honestly thought I was going to have a panic attack. Thankfully we gave up after about 10 minutes. 
I'm torn between wanting to have the latest information and wanting to bury my head in the sand. And I'm terrified that this will never go away. I'm worried that the "new normal" (I hate that phrase) will be fear to go out in public, no more shopping, only getting takeout, doing what I can to spend all my time holed up at home. There are lots of people here who think the old and immuno-compromised should just stay home if they're scared and let the rest of the world get back to the way they want it. They don't care that this is what it means. Oof. Time to move on. 


Black Lives Matter

How are we still having to do this? It seems like the revolution has finally come, and it's about damn time. I know I've spent too long being silent. I'm making an effort to educate myself, to speak up, and to be a better ally. 
We live in a pretty conservative area, and some of the people I work with are pretty racist, though of course they don't think so. I'm trying to speak up and show them how their words matter. So far it hasn't gotten through to them. 
We also have a lot of people who are doubling down on support for the police, the whole "what about black on black crime" argument, and "well if they would just follow the law this wouldn't happen." You didn't ask for it, but here's my opinion: the police should be held to a higher standard than the average citizen. This is a job they chose: to protect people. They can choose to walk away from the job if they can't do that. Oh, but police officers are people and they make mistakes too. Bullshit. Putting your knee on someone's neck is not a mistake. Shooting someone who's walking away or sitting in their car is not a mistake. Pushing down elderly people with your plastic shields is not a mistake. Spraying pepper spray at a person who's on the ground in the fetal position is not a mistake. And there are countless other examples. And if you don't think 8 minutes and 46 seconds is an eternity, set an alarm for that amount of time and just sit. And then imagine someone kneeling on your neck for that long. 

Sorry, I have a lot of rage on this point. It's heartbreaking that we keep treating people of color as less than, and I don't understand how anyone can not be outraged at it. People of color have been fighting their entire lives. It's time for the rest of us to put in the work. 

The Rest

Soldier found out a few months ago he was being transferred. So on top of the Covid stuff, we've been trying to sell the house and get ready for the move to a new state. Luckily Soldier has been on furlough so he had lots of time to do work on the house. He was a rock star! He fully redid 2 bathrooms, put new flooring in 2 bedrooms, reroofed both of our garages, touched up paint on the outside of the house, recemented the walkout stairs, built a railing for the deck stairway, and redid a bunch of wiring, on top of a hundred small things. I'm so lucky to have him! 
Trying to sell the house went much better than I expected--we had SO much interest in it! Which is great, but then you've got 50 strangers rummaging through your house, leaving all their germs. I was a nervous wreck. Also we have automatic locks-you just put in a code instead of using a key-and for some reason these realtors could. not. figure out how to use them. It was baffling. 
People at work keep asking me if I'm excited and, honestly, I'm not. It's just tiring. It feels like we just got here and made this place our own. In the short time we've been here, we've made so many memories. And now we have to pack up, downsize back into an apartment, and figure out what our next move is. 

So, that's life here for the time being. Just trying to navigate each day in this hellscape that is our world. Nah, it's not all bad. I keep trying to focus on the positives, and I'm really trying to make a commitment to be a better ally and a better person in general. 

196 Books: Egypt

No One sleeps in Alexandria by Ibraham Abdel Meguid

You should know where Egypt is. It's here:

The summary is here:
This sweeping novel depicts the intertwined lives of an assortment of Egyptians -- Muslims and Copts, northerners and southerners, men and women -- as they begin to settle in Egypt's great second city, and explores how the Second World War, starting in supposedly faraway Europe, comes crashing down on them, affecting their lives in fateful ways. Central to the novel is the story of a striking friendship between Sheikh Magd al-Din, a devote Muslim with peasant roots in Northern Egypt, and Dimyan, a Copt with roots in Southern Egypt, in their journey of survival and self-discovery. Woven around this narrative are the stories of other characters, in the city, in the villages, or in the faraway desert,


When I was looking into books for Egypt, there were like 3 of them that sounded SO good. I love that. I love having to choose between a bunch of books that sound amazing. And apparently I'm really into books set during WW2. 
I thought this one sounded great because I normally think of the war in terms of Europe and a little bit of Asia. But of course it was a WORLD war. 

I really liked reading about the impact the war had on different areas of the world. There were soldiers coming up from other parts of Africa, and the war being fought in Egypt. One thing I didn't expect was the feeling of wanting Germany and Italy to win. Nothing was said about Jewish people being murdered...but it turns out Egypt was pretty much under British rule at the time so it kinda makes sense that they wanted the British to be screwed. It was also really interesting to see the relationships between the Muslims and Copts (a Christian denomination...I didn't know that). It's complicated. Or was? I'm not sure. I do wonder sometimes how historically accurate these books are. I should really do more research into this stuff. 
The relationships and situations in this book were complex and interesting. It was great. 

I've also noticed with each book, I've felt the need to make excuses on how long it took me to read. But I've started realizing that instead of making excuses, I need to hold myself accountable and put in the work (not just talking about books here now). So I'll be trying harder to read them faster. And this weekend I'm planning on making a post about everything that's been going on in the world. I've tried to a couple of times and haven't been able to get through it. And, not that anyone really cares about my thoughts, but it's time. I'm trying to learn and grow and be better. You should too!

196 Books: Ecuador

Poso Wells by Gabriela Aleman

Ecuador is in the northwest part of South America:

Here's the summary:

In the squalid settlement of Poso Wells, women have been regularly disappearing, but the authorities have shown little interest. When the leading presidential candidate comes to town, he and his entourage are electrocuted in a macabre accident witnessed by a throng of astonished spectators. The sole survivor—next in line for the presidency—inexplicably disappears from sight.

Gustavo Varas, a principled journalist, picks up the trail, which leads him into a violent, lawless underworld. Bella Altamirano, a fearless local, is on her own crusade to pierce the settlement's code of silence, ignoring repeated death threats. It turns out that the disappearance of the candidate and those of the women are intimately connected, and not just to a local crime wave, but to a multinational magnate's plan to plunder the country's cloud forest preserve.

One issue I'm running into right now is the limits of book availability. I'm pretty much just going for what's on Kindle or Nook, so it doesn't necessarily match up with the books on my list. Sometimes that turns out well, as in this case. 

I definitely grew up pampered, so when I can learn about those less fortunate I feel like it's a good lesson. I know, poor me. Anyway this area is like a super slum, and underneath there are all these tunnels. Somehow living in those tunnels are these 5 blind men who have kidnapped the women and then decide to take over the world or something. To be honest I would have liked information about these guys. How did they end up in the tunnels? How did they go blind? How did they start this five person cult? 

Actually there were a few other things I would have liked to know more from the story. The candidate that gets kidnapped and then roped into the cult--how did they convince him? I would have liked more on what happened after the story line of trying to plunder the countryside.  

But honestly this was an interesting book. I'm glad I had to do a little more research and find something different.  

196 Books: East Timor

The Crossing by Luis Cardoso

This is East Timor:

This is the book summary:
East Timor hit the world’s newspaper headlines in August 1999 after its bloody, brave vote for independence from Indonesia—one of the great expressions of a people’s democratic spirit. Exquisitely crafted and evocative, Luis Cardoso’s personal history of his homeland takes as its central image a crossing—from child to adult, Portuguese to Timorese, tolerance to repression, colonialism to independence.


So...yeah. There's a bit of shit going on right now. I could not focus on this book...basically at all. I've actually written a post about everything a couple of times, but each time I get about halfway in the heaviness of it hits me and I have to stop. 

But because of that I don't have much to say about this one. It didn't engage me enough to take my mind off of everything else. It didn't clearly tell where the story was taking place at each point so I had a hard time visualizing everything. Apparently East Timor was a place of exile. Honestly the most interesting parts were him talking about his dad who was a nurse. I think they ended up in East Timor for his dad to take care of people? It wasn't really clear if the family went for that or were actually exiled. Then somehow he ended up in Portugal, I think, but none of it was clear. 
And that's it. I'm ready to move on to Ecuador. 

196 Books: Dominican Republic

Tentacle by Rita Indiana 

This is the Dominican Republic. Again, not the same as Dominica. 

Here's the summary:
Plucked from her life on the streets of post-apocalyptic Santo Domingo, young maid Acilde Figueroa finds herself at the heart of a voodoo prophecy: only she can travel back in time and save the ocean – and humanity – from disaster. But first she must become the man she always was – with the help of a sacred anemone. Tentacle is an electric novel with a big appetite and a brave vision, plunging headfirst into questions of climate change, technology, Yoruba ritual, queer politics, poverty, sex, colonialism and contemporary art. Bursting with punk energy and lyricism, it’s a restless, addictive trip: The Tempest meets the telenovela.


This one was cool. It took a little bit for me to get into it, but then it got really exciting. With so many of these books I'm just baffled at how these authors weave these stories from their minds. 
There were, I think, 3 different timelines. It confused me for a bit but they all came together towards the end. In each of the timelines, Acilde has a different identity. And one of those identities kind of directs the others. But then the main identity runs into the opportunity to change the future and save the sea. No brainer, right? Maybe. He starts to think: if he takes that chance, will that nullify his existence? And he has a REALLY good life.
So he chooses...I'm not telling! For once, no spoilers. 

The beginning of the book was kind of hard to get into because there was a lot of sex work and rape. And the rape is kind of just glossed over by the characters, which I really didn't like. 

Otherwise this was a good, engaging, relatively quick read. 
And finally I'm onto the Es! I'm off to the library tomorrow to pick up the next one!

196 Books: Dominica

Black and White Sands by Elma Napier

This little guy is Dominica:

And this little guy is the summary:
Elma Napier's remarkable memoir chronicles her love affair with Dominica. It began in 1932 when she turned her back on London's high society to build a home in Calibishie, then a remote village on Dominica's north coast.

There are tales of bohemian house parties, of war and death, smugglers and servants and, above all, of stories inspired by her political life as the only woman in a colonial parliament, her love for the island's turbulent landscapes and her curiosity about the lives and culture of its people.

I will admit, embarrassed, that I did not really know Dominica was a thing. I've heard of the Dominican Republic; if I've heard of Dominica before I probably thought they were the same place. 
It was neat, but also a little sad, to read about the island becoming more modernized. I'm sure what's there today is a far cry from the jungly island she lived in. 

Kind of like The Lion Children that I read for Botswana, I wonder what makes people decide to leave their life and country behind and randomly start somewhere new. Also what amount of money you have to do that. Napier does seem to be more aware of the privilege she has (which makes sense, they were children). Although I started the book with a bit of a laugh as it described a bit from her first book, "...of her early years, evokes what she called the 'casual cruelty of childhood' often confined to a lonely existense with governesses (and 30 indoor servants), and leavened by her love for exploring moors, forest and sea." Let's see. She was born in 1892. So while she was growing up all sad with her life of exploration and servants waiting on her, millions of other kids were working most of the day and being maimed or killed on the job. So, not exactly a rough life. 

Here were some of the other highlights, parts I found interesting just because they show how different the world is today. For instance, the remedies for and attitudes toward sickness: "For the first four years I myself was immune [to malaria], and then attacked no more than every six months, which I looked on as slimming." I mean I guess it's slimming if it doesn't kill you. There was also the passage about a man who was impotent. (Why she's having this conversation with the doctor, I have no idea.) "The doctor told him that it would be possible to give hormone injections but that these would be extremely expensive. 'No matter,' he said. 'Union will pay.' And the doctor told me that it did." I'll spare you my rant on the patriarchy and its never-ending obsession for making sure men can have all the sex while policing women's bodies. 

It was also interesting to know what was happening on the island during WWII. As an American, you kind of think of it as an "over there" sort of thing (even with Hawaii having been attacked). British territories and colonies (or whatever the technical term is) don't really register to you. But after the attack on Pearl Harbor, Dominican boats were sunk by the enemy. They also worried about blacking out windows at night so they wouldn't be bombed. 

Man I love history. Getting one person's account is so interesting and intimate. Also I want to be on an island right now. 

196 Books: Djibouti

In the United States of Africaby Abdourahman A. Waberi

Here's Djibouti. It's small. 

Here's the summary. The font is small.
In a literary reversal as deadly serious as it is wickedly satiric, this novel by the acclaimed French-speaking African writer Abdourahman A. Waberi turns the fortunes of the world upside down. On this reimagined globe a stream of sorry humanity flows from the West, from the slums of America and the squalor of Europe, to escape poverty and desperation in the prosperous United States of Africa. It is in this world that an African doctor on a humanitarian mission to France adopts a child. Now a young artist, this girl, Malaïka, travels to the troubled land of her birth in hope of finding her mother—and perhaps something of her lost self. Her search, at times funny and strange, is also deeply poignant, reminding us at every moment of the turns of fate we call truth.

Based on the description, I was so excited for this book. I loved the idea of flipping the world this way but, for me, it didn't really work. This was only because it was written really poetically, and I'm just really not in for poetry. It goes way over my head with all the imagery and metaphors. Also he talked about sperm a lot for some reason. No thanks. There was a line that I really loved though; "He is wearing a shirt the same color as his chronic cold..." And it's like, what color do you think a chronic cold would be? I mentioned it to Husband and the color he envisioned was completely different than what I had come up with (I thought of like a dingy tan). 

Eventually the main character decides to go find her birth mother, and this part had less imagery and told more of a story. It was a little odd though; I think she found the mom, and it was kind of...okay, I saw her, that's fine now. Bye. No real description of what it made her feel or anything. Then there's something that happens in this possibly seedy underbelly in what I assume is a third world version of Paris, but I have no idea what actually happened. She hires this guy to help her find her mom, and he takes her to some weird building where she sees something that smells of "garlic and mummy".  She's so horrified by whatever this is that she runs out, throws up, and then decides two things: she's going home, and she's going to send this guy to college in Africa.  
What? And then that was it. She's going to go home and get back together with her fashion designer ex boyfriend. 

For me, I wish it had been written more like a novel and less like a poem, because this is such a great concept. Somebody get on it.