Anxiety.
Soldier left for Alaska on the 1st. It feels like SO much longer.
I knew it would be difficult, so I tried to plan it out and prep myself. I took the day off work and, to not sit around and be sad, made an appointment to try on wedding dresses (squee!).
I showed up at his house and chatted with him a bit while he got ready, and I was doing very well. I kept doing very well right up until his dad got choked up. I can't stay stoic against a strong, confident, successful man breaking down. But, it was just a little tearing up, and then I was okay again. And then he was gone; he drove off and I went home. I was alright.
I got ready and headed out to try on dresses with ma mère. It was fantastic. There was nobody else there to try on dresses, and it was three stories of tulle, satin, sequins, pearls, lace, and mirrors. Glorious. I think I tried on 7 or 8 dresses. I went back to the first one I tried on; that was it. I actually found my wedding dress. Because I'm getting married, guys! Soldier called while I was trying dresses to give me an update on where he was and that everything was going well. It was really sweet.
We stopped for lunch, then went on for some outlet shopping. By the end of the day, I was too worn out to be sad and have a pity party. Since then he's gotten to our destination and started setting the apartment up, and I've fallen into my usual habit of doing very little socially and have found the energy to miss him. A lot.
It's been a bit crazy though: trying to purge my possessions and get some stuff packed, visiting all the doctors (my favesies), making sure I have all the necessary medical stuff to head up there. I'm doing a few paintings for a coworker's daughter, which is helping to pass the time.
And it turns out that wedding planning really is that stressful. I don't really know how it's supposed to work, so I'm pretty much doing everything willy-nilly and probably not in the order of priority I'm supposed to. It doesn't really help that he's up there and I don't want to make a lot of decisions on our wedding without him.
And on top of all that, I had to send my ring in to get resized. I know it seems silly, but it did not take long to get used to wearing it. Now I just want that stupid little diamond back, and I really want my big dumb Soldier.
