Lost
Historically, at this time of the year, I get really restless. Every few years or so that restlessness compounds into a rather severe depression...and this is one of those years.
I've been in a sort of funk for months, I don't feel like there's anything to be excited about. I know I'll get through it but it sure sucks for now.
Poor Soldier puts up with a lot from me. I'm rather neurotic, pretty type A, and it doesn't take much to annoy me. Not that he's perfect either, but I know I'm not easy. Our personalities are basically polar opposites...in a lot of ways we complement each other, but in some ways we just butt heads. One of these ways is that Soldier is a night owl. I'm pretty much always tired, especially since I've stopped taking my narcolepsy meds. He'll want to stay up later than me and I hate it because he'll stay up till 2 or 3 and I'll have to get up and ask him to come to bed and then I'm mad and can't sleep. I like having him there.
So yesterday he'd taken a nap and didn't want to go to bed when I did. Such a little thing but it bothered me and I got upset. We argued a bit and I ended up standing at the bathroom mirror crying. We argued a bit more and I told him it wasn't working. I'm embarrassed to tell you it's not the first time I've said that. I just get overwhelmed with our differences and how he doesn't always seem to make an effort (though I'm not entirely sure I always do either). He left.
Then he came back. He did something unexpected: he came back in, wrapped his arms around me, and said we'd get through it together.
That's the first time he's said something like that; I just held onto him and cried. It seemed like he finally got that I haven't been intending to be a bitch; I've been feeling so empty and alone that it makes me crazy and irrational.
It felt good to have him actually tell me he was sticking with me despite the difficulty...that he's choosing us. It makes things a little more hopeful.
Hopefully things will start to get better with the warmer weather and perking up of the city, and I'll have more adventures and fun stories to tell you soon.
Don't forget about me, little chickadees. I'm still here.
