196 Books: Croatia

Cafe Europa by Slavenka Drakulic

I've always thought Croatia had a cool shape to it:

The summary has a normal shape:
Today in Eastern Europe the architectural work of revolution is complete: the old order has been replaced by various forms of free market economy and de jure democracy. But as Slavenka Drakulic observes, "in everyday life, the revolution consists much more of the small things—of sounds, looks and images." In this brilliant work of political reportage, filtered through her own experience, we see that Europe remains a divided continent. In the place of the fallen Berlin Wall there is a chasm between East and West, consisting of the different way people continue to live and understand the world. Little bits—or intimations—of the West are gradually making their way east: boutiques carrying Levis and tiny food shops called "Supermarket" are multiplying on main boulevards. Despite the fact that Drakulic can find a Cafe Europa, complete with Viennese-style coffee and Western decor, in just about every Eastern European city, the acceptance of the East by the rest of Europe continues to prove much more elusive

So...they can't all be winners. Or maybe I just failed to grasp the concepts on this one. To start with my ignorance, however, this was written in 1996, when I was 11. I wasn't exactly connected to what was going on with the world, so I think I'm a little out of touch with what things were like at the time. Also I finished this book last night and I looked up some other reviews. I've been questioning my opinion since then because I couldn't find any reviews that supported it; I can usually find at least one. All the others were complimentary, saying that she asked the hard questions about how people move on after Communism. I found it critical, apologetic, and somewhat whiny all at once. And, again, maybe I'm just being naive because I haven't had to live with that sort of instability. 

There were parts that I had to remind myself the world wasn't quite as connected in 1996 as it is today. Drakulic talked about the belief that everyone in Eastern Europe is poor and everyone in Western Europe is rich; which is such a black and white, filtered view of the world. Additionally, there was the idea that those who "had," or were believed to be more well off, were obligated to share with those who didn't have as much. And those who have been helped have no necessity to be grateful or thankful. In fact, Drakulic says, "they are too busy suffering to respond." 

But, interestingly, I did find similarities to what's going on today. She gives some anecdotes about uniforms denoting power and that perceived power ending up being a problem, which made me think of police officers in the US today. Soldier refers to them as legal gangs, and I kind of agree. Later on she says, "The administrators and experts behave as though they are not responsible to anyone but the mayor...The mayor of Zagreb has evidently not learned yet that he is responsible to the citizens." Same here. Lastly she tells a story of people mourning the fall of communism, which made me think of all the "Make America Great Again" people. 

So, yeah, I was conflicted on this one...and the more I think about it the more conflicted I get. Maybe it was really good after all. 

Learned Doctors

The caring, the kind, the rude, and the smug

It's time for another life update, whether you want it or not. 

Getting back to work has been good for me, I think. On the plus side I'm getting out, meeting people, and playing a part in helping people. On the minus side I'm a glorified secretary, and sometimes I'm treated that way. I get looked down on by some of the nurses and many of the doctors, which is pretty rude...I want to yell at them that I have a also have an actual degree and that I'm not below them. Other times I'm on the phone with a doctor and he wants to argue with me about a diagnosis or reason for a consult and I'm going "look, I basically just answer the phones." I'm not sure if I've found what I'm looking for career wise, but it's been good for me overall. 

On the other side, it's been about 4 months since I wrote about what's going on with me. Recently I switched to a different rheumatologist that I really like. She had me go back to the dermatologist who was actually nice and really good this time. And it turns out I probably have psoriatic arthritis instead of rheumatoid arthritis. But of course it's not the regular plaque psoriasis that looks like scaly skin...mine is pustular psoriasis that looks like little blisters. And isn't nearly as common. Because of course. 
It escalated very quickly from there--the dermatologist wanted to touch base with the rheumatologist and switch my medications. It was a lot at once; I was trying to process this worse diagnosis and then they want to change everything right away. Which I suppose is a good thing. I was then presented with two options for medications, and I kind of had a meltdown having to make the choice. I ultimately decided to go with an infusion. Meaning I won't have to stick myself anymore, but I'll have to go in for an IV instead. 

Yesterday I had an eye exam. I have to do this every year because of another medication I'm on, it can mess up some stuff in your eyes. They called and woke me up in the morning to ask some questions. Then she said, "Since you're 7 months pregnant we won't be able to dilate your eyes today." Ouch. I've been to enough doctors that the pregnancy should not be listed as active anymore. It was a little heartbreaking. How is it, 4 months after I miscarried, I'm still having to tell them about it? 

During the exam I had to do a couple of tests I've never done before. One came back somewhat inconclusive so I have to redo it in a month. This appointment felt heavier than previous ones for some reason. It's like the gravity of what the medication can do has finally hit me. But what other choice do I have? Even with my immune system being suppressed, I wake up with swollen and sore joints and get the blisters on my hands and feet. 

But one thing that has made me feel better is how connected my doctors have been with each other. They all want to be on the same page with my care. It's reassuring and it makes me hopeful that they'll all work together to really help me get better. So, I guess that's pretty much the gist of it. Maybe this battle with myself will actually have an end someday.