Learned Doctors

The caring, the kind, the rude, and the smug

It's time for another life update, whether you want it or not. 

Getting back to work has been good for me, I think. On the plus side I'm getting out, meeting people, and playing a part in helping people. On the minus side I'm a glorified secretary, and sometimes I'm treated that way. I get looked down on by some of the nurses and many of the doctors, which is pretty rude...I want to yell at them that I have a also have an actual degree and that I'm not below them. Other times I'm on the phone with a doctor and he wants to argue with me about a diagnosis or reason for a consult and I'm going "look, I basically just answer the phones." I'm not sure if I've found what I'm looking for career wise, but it's been good for me overall. 

On the other side, it's been about 4 months since I wrote about what's going on with me. Recently I switched to a different rheumatologist that I really like. She had me go back to the dermatologist who was actually nice and really good this time. And it turns out I probably have psoriatic arthritis instead of rheumatoid arthritis. But of course it's not the regular plaque psoriasis that looks like scaly skin...mine is pustular psoriasis that looks like little blisters. And isn't nearly as common. Because of course. 
It escalated very quickly from there--the dermatologist wanted to touch base with the rheumatologist and switch my medications. It was a lot at once; I was trying to process this worse diagnosis and then they want to change everything right away. Which I suppose is a good thing. I was then presented with two options for medications, and I kind of had a meltdown having to make the choice. I ultimately decided to go with an infusion. Meaning I won't have to stick myself anymore, but I'll have to go in for an IV instead. 

Yesterday I had an eye exam. I have to do this every year because of another medication I'm on, it can mess up some stuff in your eyes. They called and woke me up in the morning to ask some questions. Then she said, "Since you're 7 months pregnant we won't be able to dilate your eyes today." Ouch. I've been to enough doctors that the pregnancy should not be listed as active anymore. It was a little heartbreaking. How is it, 4 months after I miscarried, I'm still having to tell them about it? 

During the exam I had to do a couple of tests I've never done before. One came back somewhat inconclusive so I have to redo it in a month. This appointment felt heavier than previous ones for some reason. It's like the gravity of what the medication can do has finally hit me. But what other choice do I have? Even with my immune system being suppressed, I wake up with swollen and sore joints and get the blisters on my hands and feet. 

But one thing that has made me feel better is how connected my doctors have been with each other. They all want to be on the same page with my care. It's reassuring and it makes me hopeful that they'll all work together to really help me get better. So, I guess that's pretty much the gist of it. Maybe this battle with myself will actually have an end someday.