196 Books: The Gambia

 Reading the Ceiling by Dayo Forster

The Gambia is this little sliver inside Senegal (what's with Africa putting countries inside other countries?)

Here's the summary:

Ayodele has just turned eighteen and has decided, having now reached womanhood, that the time is right to lose her virginity. She's drawn up a shortlist: Reuben, the failsafe; Yuan, a long-admired schoolfriend; Frederick Adams, the 42-year-old, soon-to-be-pot-bellied father of her best friend. What she doesn't know is that her choice of suitor will have a drastic effect on the rest of her life. Three men. Three paths. One will send Ayodele to Europe, to university and to a very different life - but it will be a voyage strewn with heartache. Another will send her around the globe on an epic journey, transforming her beyond recognition but at the cost of an almost unbearable loss. And another will see her remain in Africa, a wife and mother caught in a polygamous marriage. Each will change her irrevocably - but which will she choose?

Oh my word. I was really excited at the prospect of this story, and it absolutely did not disappoint! Firstly I loved the idea that this girl has come at sex in such a pragmatic way. She's taking control of her body and life, despite what she's told is proper (it's set in the 80s, so of course women's most important attribute is their virginity...severe eye roll.) 

The other part I was excited about was that each choice gives her a different life. And the book was set up that way--each option had its own section that described how her life went. And isn't that such an interesting thought--if I'd done this or that differently, would it have changed how my life is now?

Lastly, the book made me feel SO MANY THINGS. In one of the sections, (SPOILER) she dates the person she had sex with and he ends up dying. She is so consumed in her grief that it broke my heart, and I had to put the book away. I know that if something happened to Soldier, I would be absolutely d.e.v.a.s.t.a.t.e.d. That was hard to type. But yeah, she takes a long time to get back to "okay" and has a quandary: she can't stay where she is because that's where they lived together, and she can't go home because there are too many memories. I've thought of what I would do in that situation, and it's true, you would almost have to go somewhere completely different to start a completely new life. 

I want to go over a couple of passages that really resonated with me. 

"I must have chosen this path in little steps, I have been so afraid of the harm I could do to a single other person. Harm was done to me too. Is that how it goes? The hurt yo-yoing from person to person until it loses its bounces and then stays in that last person-still and immovable." You hear it over and over: "hurt people hurt people." But this is such a thoughtful way of describing it. In this case she kind of shuts herself off from other people getting close, but in many other cases harm is intentionally (or unknowingly; the person thinking it's normal) done to others. 

"This constant following of the perfect life leads to wants that cannot be satisfied, like a mamiwata (mermaid) longing for life with legs on land, when all of the ocean is open to her, free to swim in, free to claim." I've felt this more or less over the years, but it's so strong now. I flounder each time we move, not knowing what to do with myself and my life. Especially now with covid running rampant and being afraid to leave the house. And, I dunno, most of the time it feels like if I could just get a specific thing, go to a specific place, or achieve something specific, then I'd be good. It's the perpetual striving for more. Anyway, once you get that thing, guess what? Nothing's different. Well now it got depressing again. 

Anyway (do I always start my closing with "anyway"?) this was a really great book. It was almost like 3 stories in one, with the same cast of characters and tone. I'm glad it was so good, because DiploSister's last residence was in The Gambia so it held a bit of a special place. Ok. Onward and upward!