LA All Day

All five and a half days, to be exact.

I know I haven't posted anything about life in quite some time; that's because it would mostly just be me whining. But I had a bright spot with with a trip down to one of my favorite places to see some of my favorite people. 

The second I stepped outside LAX was a relief. Actual summer. Let me back up at this point to describe the shit weather this year has been. There was a day that I was at my limit, and it was actually a really nice day. I broke down multiple times and finally ended up calling Sister to see if I could visit, and ended up ordering tickets the next day. That nice day was June 18. The next sun we got was July 5. That's over two weeks of gray, rainy, dreary, cold crap. So just imagine my delight at the heat, humidity, and sunshine! If you can't imagine it, I was pretty fucking delighted. Sister picked me up and we talked all about what was going on in our lives and she told me about a new business project Brother-in-Law (BIL) has and what Little Princess (my niece) has been up to. 
When we got to the house I was so excited to see my Little Princess! I'm pretty sure she's the most beautiful, quirky, just cool kid on the planet. I also promptly grabbed a beer and made a beeline for the pool. Little Princess joined me and blew up a 2 person float for us to share. Sister came out and worked in the yard and we all just caught up, and Little Princess and I planned our trip to Harry Potter Land for the next day. (Yes I'm aware that's not the actual name of it, it's just fun to say.) When we were ready to get out LP promptly flipped the float over for me to fall out. Jerk. 

The next day LP and I headed out around 10:30, so by the time we got to the park it was pretty crowded. Once we could see the entrance to the HP section, she linked arms with me so we could walk in together very closely. 
Oh my word. It was so fantastic and (I think) Hollywood has the smallest one...I can't even imagine how amazing the London version must be. We started with the Forbidden Journey (or whatever) ride and stood in line, in direct sun, for basically forever. My stupid knee was swelling and looking gross, and eventually LP decided she'd had enough (good with me). Off we went to the Three Broomsticks for food and Butterbeer. It also didn't suck to sit down for a bit. Also, the food was really good! We shared the Lemon Roast Chicken, so I recommend it if you go. The Butterbeer took a little getting used to since I'm not huge on butterscotch, but it was pretty refreshing. 

After eating we both felt better and went into the shops, Ollivanders, Gladrags, Wiseacre's, Dervish & Banges, the Owl Post, Zonko's, Honeydukes. I was going to get my (official Pottermore...yeah, I went there) wand but I was a little disappointed that they're just plastic. Maybe I was being a little naive, but I was hoping they'd be made of actual wood. I may have been a little more forgiving if it hadn't been completely packed in the store. We checked out the demonstrations of the singing frogs and students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons too. 

We decided to try for the Forbidden Journey again and ,again, stood in line for basically forever. TOTALLY WORTH IT. (Warning: there may be spoilers ahead.) Just outside the castle you go through the Greenhouse and there's a case of Mandrakes (LP said they scream at some point). Going through the castle the paintings talk and you end up in the Defense Against the Dark Arts room. In there, Ron, Hermione, and Harry talk to you and tell you to meet them in the Room of Requirement, which is where the actual roller coaster ride starts. I think there were only two or three actual rooms it takes you through and the rest is a screen, but it's AWESOME. Dragons, spiders (I had to close my eyes), flying, and traveling all over the castle. SO cool. 

By the time we got home, I had a super wicked headache. It got worse and worse and started making me feel sick. And then I was sick. Like really really sick. And then I laid down for a little bit and then I was ready to party! Instead, Sister and LP and I watched The Pirates of Penzance...just as good if not better than partying. 

Next day...I mostly spent hanging out with Sis and floating in the pool. That night Sis and BIL had a gig. I always forget how out of place I feel at those things. And also super jealous of what they do. It makes me wonder if I had actually tried in music if I could have gotten anywhere. Eh, probably not. It was also LP's 15th birthday. She hung out and celebrated for a little bit, and I had a lot of fun with her. 

Saturday and Sunday LP had a horse show; she does barrel racing. Man that kid is awesome! She won some stuff. It was also really cool for the extra time I had to hang out with Sis and BIL on the drives in and out. Saturday night I also had the night with LP. It was a lovely time of dinner, froyo, and a movie. She's so cool. Sunday night I talked LP and Sis into letting me take them to dinner before more hanging out. 

Monday morning LP and I got up early to do some shopping, and then we all had to pack for flights. I did not want to come back...I actually cried a little in Seattle. 

So then it was back to dreary rain and stupid Juneau. Ok fine it wasn't the worst to see Soldier again. But whatever. Moral of the story: Juneau is the worst and LA is always fun. The end. 

196 Books: Azerbaijan

Ali and Nino by Kurban Said

Azerbaijan is here: 

Also 10 points to me for being able to spell Azerbaijan correctly, with no spell check! And as always, here's the synopsis:

It has been hailed as one of the most romantic epic novels of all time. Ali and Nino, two lovers from vastly different backgrounds, grow up together in carefree innocence in Baku on the Caspian Sea. Here, where Eastern and Occidental collide, they are inevitably drawn into the events of the First World War and the Russian Revolution. Torn apart by the turmoil, Ali joins the defense of Azerbajan from the onslaught of the Red Army, and Nino flees to the safety of Paris with their child, not knowing whether they will ever see each other again. A sweeping tale, as romantic and gripping as Gone with the Wind or Dr. Zhivago, it portrays, against a gloriously exotic backdrop, the enduring love between childhood friends divided by their separate cultures.

So trying not to give away too many spoilers, the big issue is that Ali is Muslim and Nino is Christian. This is more of a problem for Ali because he thinks "nonbelievers" are dirty and wrong. 

I did really like this story, though there were some parts that made me irate. It was super sexist and, since written from Ali's POV, Christians were the worst. Like it was real fun when Nino got kidnapped and it was expected that Ali kill both the kidnapper and the kidnappee. Because that makes lots of sense. 

Also this part: "a man must marry, preferably the woman he likes. She need not like him in return." Then it went on to say that women have neither souls or intelligence, and they're only use is having children. So...neat. 

There was also the innate and expected hatred for Armenians, which was really interesting after reading Armenian Golgotha. At one point Ali concedes that it doesn't really make sense for them to hate these people just for existing so that's better than nothing. 

The love story, in fact, was really beautiful and innocent. It was basically just two kids so incredibly devoted to each other no matter what. 

This book concludes the A countries, even though they took me quite a long time to finish. I'll try to get back on track and do better with the rest of them. On to the Bs!

196 Books: Austria

The Torch in My Ear by Elias Canetti

It took me for-freaking-ever to read this book. The obligatory description, then I'll get into why. 

This is the second volume of Elias Canetti's autobiography. It is above all else an account of his admiration for the first great mentor of his adult years, the Viennese writer Karl Kraus. It is also a portrait of Canetti's first wife, Veza. Within the framework of these great passions, Canetti provides an account of the Vienna and Berlin of the 1920s.

In defense of the book, I didn't read the first one. In all honesty, I'm not sure it would have made a difference for me. There were a lot of narrative points that I really liked--it was an entirely different time and almost seemed like a different planet. Overall though, it was a little too philosophical for me. I kept finding myself reading things that went in one ear and out the other. 

On the not-so-great side, he kept referencing the previous book in ways that seemed useless to me. He would talk about some small encounter that not having known it didn't take anything away from the book. That sentence was really weird. It also jumped around between Vienna and Berlin which kind of bothered me for my project. 

On the positive side, his work and fascination on crowds was neat. There were a lot of points that I never thought of and wouldn't have otherwise. The way he described famous writers and poets was interesting; I had no idea who any of them were but I imagine at the time they were very famous. I wonder if all our celebrities will be like that in 100 years. Probably. He used many big words that I didn't know and that made me feel stupid! There was a line I particularly loved: "respect for others begins with not ignoring their words." 

This book was...I dunno. I don't have a lot to say about it, which makes for a short "review." I'm sorry guys, I've been super distracted and this book didn't entirely penetrate through the haze. 
I promise I'll try to do better, and here's hoping for better luck next time. I've taken on this project and I'm not doing very well; I'm taking way too long. I am trying. I guess that's the best I can do. 

And now, onward to another country and another adventure. 

Desolation

Lost

Historically, at this time of the year, I get really restless. Every few years or so that restlessness compounds into a rather severe depression...and this is one of those years. 
I've been in a sort of funk for months, I don't feel like there's anything to be excited about. I know I'll get through it but it sure sucks for now. 

Poor Soldier puts up with a lot from me. I'm rather neurotic, pretty type A, and it doesn't take much to annoy me. Not that he's perfect either, but I know I'm not easy. Our personalities are basically polar opposites...in a lot of ways we complement each other, but in some ways we just butt heads. One of these ways is that Soldier is a night owl. I'm pretty much always tired, especially since I've stopped taking my narcolepsy meds. He'll want to stay up later than me and I hate it because he'll stay up till 2 or 3 and I'll have to get up and ask him to come to bed and then I'm mad and can't sleep. I like having him there. 

So yesterday he'd taken a nap and didn't want to go to bed when I did. Such a little thing but it bothered me and I got upset. We argued a bit and I ended up standing at the bathroom mirror crying. We argued a bit more and I told him it wasn't working. I'm embarrassed to tell you it's not the first time I've said that. I just get overwhelmed with our differences and how he doesn't always seem to make an effort (though I'm not entirely sure I always do either). He left. 

Then he came back. He did something unexpected: he came back in, wrapped his arms around me, and said we'd get through it together. 

That's the first time he's said something like that; I just held onto him and cried. It seemed like he finally got that I haven't been intending to be a bitch; I've been feeling so empty and alone that it makes me crazy and irrational. 
It felt good to have him actually tell me he was sticking with me despite the difficulty...that he's choosing us. It makes things a little more hopeful. 

Hopefully things will start to get better with the warmer weather and perking up of the city, and I'll have more adventures and fun stories to tell you soon. 
Don't forget about me, little chickadees. I'm still here. 

Alternative Medicine

Alternative reality

What is it about medical issues that make people think they should give you their opinion, and that you want to get it? And when you don't show much interest, to push it even more? This is not a new issue, but one that has come up yet again. 

A coworker was recently telling me about working out on the lunch hour, then asked if I work out. I explained that I used to, but due to my autoimmune stuff there's now a lot of working out I'm not supposed to do. I then got the now-familiar start of "have you thought about changing your diet?" It now takes everything I have to control the full-body-eye-roll reaction when I hear those words. 

Then came the suggestion to cut out sugar, alcohol, processed food, red meat, dairy, gluten, rainbows, sunshine, puppies, and children's laughter. And I had to politely explain, and re-explain, and explain three more times that I don't believe my diet is the problem, I'm not interested in changing it, and my disease is relatively controlled. Even if changing my diet would get rid of the autoimmune, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't restore the damage my knees have already sustained. 

But of course this is because of a mistrust of doctors.They just "have a thing" about doctors. You know, doctors who have gone through so many hoops and years and become experts in their field...but please, tell me how the doctor is less credible than the Gluten Free Crunchy Mom blog you read. 

The sad part is I've gotten into some pretty big arguments with friends over this topic. Yes, I do understand that they care about me and want to help...but I didn't ask nor am I interested in it. And when I say thank you but no thank you, shouldn't that be enough? Yes. It should. 

I have a hard time balancing between being polite, assertive, and just really fucking done with the conversation. 

Okay, I know for a lot of people diet makes a huge difference, and there is a lot of validity to changing it. Should I make more of an effort to eat better? Probably. But you know what? I'm lazy. I am making an effort to be healthier. But I don't want to be monitoring every little thing I eat or having to make special meals 100% of the time. I like sugar. Like, I really really like sugar. And I like booze and going out to eat and carbs. That's not to say I don't make any effort to eat slightly less terribly; I do. But I'm also not about to cut random things out of my diet. It will not make me invincible, and there's almost a certainty it would make me miserable and bitchy. 

Whew, I forgot how good I am at ranting and bitching...so I'll just continue!

Another fun thing happening around the office is the joke of pregnancy predictions. I'm tired. Are you pregnant? I like food. You must be pregnant. I forgot what I came in here for. Oh! Pregnancy brain! 

Oooor I'm just a regular fucking human being! Plus, if I was pregnant, wouldn't it be better to wait till I deemed it appropriate to announce that instead of putting me in some awkward position where I either have to lie or divulge life-changing news before I'm ready? Rude. 

Okay. This kind of makes me think of one of the few YouTube personalitities I watch multiple videos of...he has a new (I think) one about how to be offended. Sometimes I feel like I fit in there...like maybe I'm not taking the joke or something. But this one does really bug me. 

Maybe the next time someone has a headache I'll nudge them playfully and say "Uh oh, you must have a brain tumor!" with a knowing wink. 

196 Books: Australia

The Road from Coorain by Jill Kerr Conway

Hey. Did anyone notice that I've been putting 169 books when it actually should have been 196? Did you notice that and not tell me? Ruuuude. I mean, did I have it right on any of them? Color me foolish. 
We'll get to the book though. No bullet points this time. 

You should know where Australia is. It's its own continent. But here it is. 

And the obligatory description of the book. 

In a memoir that pierces and delights us, Jill Ker Conway tells the story of her astonishing journey into adulthood—a journey that would ultimately span immense distances and encompass worlds, ideas, and ways of life that seem a century apart.

She was seven before she ever saw another girl child. At eight, still too small to mount her horse unaided, she was galloping miles, alone, across Coorain, her parents' thirty thousand windswept, drought-haunted acres in the Australian outback, doing a "man's job" of helping herd the sheep because World War II had taken away the able-bodied men. She loved (and makes us see and feel) the vast unpeopled landscape, beautiful and hostile, whose uncertain weathers tormented the sheep ranchers with conflicting promises of riches and inescapable disaster. She adored (and makes us know) her large-visioned father and her strong, radiant mother, who had gone willingly with him into a pioneering life of loneliness and bone-breaking toil, who seemed miraculously to succeed in creating a warmly sheltering home in the harsh outback, and who, upon her husband's sudden death when Jill was ten, began to slide—bereft of the partnership of work and love that had so utterly fulfilled her—into depression and dependency.

We see Jill, staggered by the loss of her father, catapulted to what seemed another planet—the suburban Sydney of the 1950s and its crowded, noisy, cliquish school life. Then the heady excitement of the University, but with it a yet more demanding course of lessons—Jill embracing new ideas, new possibilities, while at the same time trying to be mother to her mother and resenting it, escaping into drink, pulling herself back, striking a balance. We see her slowly gaining strength, coming into her own emotionally and intellectually and beginning the joyous love affair that gave wings to her newfound self.

I liked this book. It had a bit of an ebb and flow; some parts I was really excited to read and some were a little meh. But it was really cool to read about life raising sheep and the ups and downs of trying to make a living in the bush. 

There was a point that kind of bothered me. She didn't get a high ranking job because she's a woman and she said she now understood how the natives and Aborigines felt having everything taken from them. I thought that was overstepping just a little bit. 

I kind of wish she'd been able to dig a bit deeper. She wrote quite a bit about the stoicism that's taught growing up in Australia; that combined with her training as a historian made it a little superficial for me. Granted, it was obvious she broke out of that emotional black hole as she got older. 

The best thing I can say about this book is that, though this story worked perfectly for the purpose of my little "project," it left me wanting more. 

The Pit of Despair

Don't even think about trying to escape.

I'm starting off with The Princess Bride to bring some levity to the situation. Because this is not a fun or happy post. And I'm finally writing it after having it etched in my brain every minute. 

I, along with many others, seem to be living in a Pit of Despair. Call me dramatic, call me childish, call me a whiny liberal. 

The world is terrifying to me. I feel I've fallen into this spiral of hate, division, and callous selfishness, and I can't control or get out of it. 

Last week I was glued to the BBC website, refreshing every few minutes to get any new news from the Gambia. Though I knew deep down it was the safest place being confined behind a wall of Marines at the Embassy, I couldn't get rid of my terror for Diplomat Sister. She was quick to reassure me that she was fine and the situation should be handled relatively swiftly, but I read articles and looked at pictures of ground troops, military ships, and fighter planes from ECOWAS countries ready to take action and couldn't help wondering how bad it would get. Why? Because one man, one egomaniac, decided he was above everyone and didn't want to let go of his power. When he finally did leave, it seems he took millions of dollars with him. And that's just one very small country that, in a global sense, is somewhat insignificant. 

What happens when it's a country that's a world power?

I watched the presidential election with growing disbelief. How could this guy even be considered? How could this guy be a viable option? How could this guy make it to one of the two main choices? How could he be elected? 

But, despite the majority of the American public not voting for him, he was elected. (But that's a whole different rant). 

In the time between the days of election and inauguration, Trump seemed to back off on some of the more extreme campaign promises, and I started to become cautiously optimistic. That was quickly dashed as the cabinet picks came out; a roll call of his business pals. It became more and more apparent that things were just as bad, if not worse, than we feared. 

Back in the Gambia, things have gotten better. Their new president is officially in office and country, and the people can celebrate and begin to heal. We, unfortunately, are going the opposite direction. Our "leaders" want to take away women's control over their own bodies, keep out Mexicans, ban Muslims, muzzle science and truth with "alternative facts," take away people's healthcare, pollute the environment, demonize and silence anyone who disagrees with them, and constantly spew vitriol while insisting that they are just good Christians who want the very best for their country. And you have the supporters who claim that the unborn babies need someone to speak up for them, that we need to protect the borders and keep the terrorists out, that they don't want to pay for some lazy waste to have insurance, that we need to take care of our own...while insisting they are just good Christians who want the very best for their country. They don't bother thinking about the consequences of controlling someone else's body, or that what creates terrorists is oppression and desperation, they don't bother researching that the biggest cost to healthcare is the insurance and drug company's CEOs padding their bank accounts. Worst of all, they humbly go to church on Sunday and feel they're doing their duty, they're being good Christians, while ignoring Christ's words...love one another, give to the poor, help those in need, don't judge others. 

I have no idea if Obama is Christian or not...he very well may not be, but in his presidency he acted more like a Christian than 90% of the people who sit in church every Sunday, pray at every meal, and smile at just how blessed they are. 

It's maddening and sickening and I continually go back and forth between wanting to be informed and being absolutely appalled at the information. This is not a country to be proud of. 

But there is a ray of hope in the opposition. The marches, the National Park's rogue social media accounts, the journalists who refuse to give in, the lawyers rushing to help detainees, the organizations working against the hate, the people who refuse to bury their heads in the sand. Soldier even played a podcast for me where some scientists were talking about the transition and they just found clever ways of sneaking around, like giving climate change a different name in their work.

I'm scared, no doubt, but I'm also cautiously hopeful. There are a lot of people fighting. 

In his inaugural speech, Trump said he was listening. He said the people wouldn't be ignored and forgotten. Well, the people are screaming.