Beginning

Of the end.

I finally did it. I made a difficult, mature decision to release Tee back into the sea to find his perfect fish. Here's how it all went down...


Tee sent me an email that he was concerned with my answers about the bonfire. I read the email a few times and knew that I had some options on how to respond...I took the bitch option. I figured this was opening the door for things to end and that would make it easier. I said that he obviously didn't trust me as much as he thought; that I'd told him about the bonfire beforehand and that I'd given him the information he asked about. Then I'll admit I got a little harsh...I said that it was starting to kind of sound like an interrogation and I didn't appreciate it. 
He then went into how he wasn't trying to interrogate me...he said so many times that he trusted me and if I say it was nothing, then it was nothing. At one point he mentioned that he understood I'd been a little distant, but it was no big deal and we'd get through it. Well, this was it. 

I told him that I'd been feeling distant for quite a while and that he was just starting to notice because I was starting to take it out on him. It was hard to tell him some of this stuff, but it was true and I needed to say it. I told him that I was looking at an upcoming trip as a last-ditch-effort, but that it didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. 
I felt bad for him after that, it seemed very panicky. He kept telling me how he knew I cared, no matter what I said. It all felt quite "the lady doth protest too much, methinks." He ended it saying that we needed to just enjoy each other and forget about this. So I tried to back up a little bit and explain that I had been feeling distant and that I didn't like how I was treating him and the person I was becoming. After a little more back and forth, I finally said I didn't think things could keep going. 
Tee made one more attempt. He said that he wanted to make sure that this was what I wanted and that he'd give me some time to think about it. Well, I obviously knew that I wasn't going to change my mind and didn't take the time he offered. I let him know that it was what I wanted and needed. 

I felt like a horrible person. I've been in that position and I know how much it sucks. Then he made it worse...he wrote back that he understood and would respect my decision. He reiterated how much he cared about me and just wanted me to be happy. Part of me wanted to tell him that he'd treated me incredibly well, and he would some how see that it was for the best, that he deserves to be with someone who appreciates him and enjoys the same things. I didn't though, I know it would be pointless and just drag it out. 

My parents saw him today. My mom told me that they really liked him, and they'd known him before we started dating, so they were going to keep seeing him. I'm okay with that. He really is a nice guy, he's just not the nice guy for me. She also told me that he's doing alright...much better than I ever did with breakups, but that doesn't take much. As for me, I'm pretty relieved. My unhappiness was weighing on me and making me feel awful, and I really did hate the person I was becoming towards him. But it's all open water now, little fish, so just keep swimming.