Fine Line

Assertive: having or showing a confident and forceful personality

For the most part, wedding planning has been tolerable. I think it's helped that I'm far away; I'm not exactly the shy, blushing bride. So far, I've used pretty much every excuse in the book to get out of the typical bridal milestones. 
The other day, I got an email from Mom in Law really pushing me to agree to a bridal shower plan. So far I'd been pretty adamant that I did not want a shower, and used excuses that I'm in Alaska, it's hella expensive to get home from here, I can't really get stuff back here, and I'll be working. MiL even went so far as to say their present would be to fly me back for it...excuse 1 down. I texted my mama to ask for some advice and she responded "Let me get this straight. She wants to fly you back here which means I'll get to see your face, and I am supposed to object?!" Mic drop. 

Well, I started thinking about it, and asked Soldier if I should just suck it up and do it. Of course he was indifferent, as he has been with much of the wedding stuff. Guys. Normally he's fantastic, and you know how much I love him, but it's kinda frustrating not getting any feedback. 
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea to do it; I'd get to visit with everyone and it would give me a chance to bring back some wedding prep stuff. But, that still leaves the problem of getting gifts back. For the wedding, we're only doing an online registry and asking that gifts be sent to us as opposed to physically brought to the wedding. 
Welp, I dusted off my assertive hat. It doesn't get much use. 

I made sure to first thank her for her generosity. As much as I don't like being the center of attention and having a crowd stare at me, it is very generous. I let her know that gifts are kind of an issue for us, and that I'd like to do something a little different. I suggested everyone bring a favorite recipe instead. 
The reply I got was that we can store gifts at home. 

This has been stressing me out to no end. What's the point of getting gifts and sticking them in an attic? Am I being ungrateful? Do I really get any say since she's being kind enough to throw the shower? 
So I thought maybe I could come up with a theme for small stuff that people could stick to. But, for once, the internet was not much help. The best I got was gift certificates, although I did run into the recipe theme a few times.
I honestly don't know what to do. (And don't get me started on the wedding guest list that she wants to tweak again. But we're paying for that so I guess we have a little more say.)

Then I start to get all worried that I'm just being a stubborn jerk. I get that some people are squeamish about the idea of opening gifts in front of a crowd (and admit that I'm one of them) but I feel like the fact that I live in m'fing Alaska is a legit issue. 

So then I got a little silly. I was once again talking to Mama (she's always my go-to when I need some advice. ...like that's unique.) and I told her it might be okay if I could figure out how to make sure we only got small things. My dad's suggestion? Diamonds. YES, PLEASE! 
Building on that, I said I'd make a Tiffany wishlist just for the shower. Best idea? Sex toys. I was joking with a friend and imagining that conversation. It was hilariously mortifying. I wouldn't make it 10 seconds in. 

Maybe a paper theme, since our wedding day will actually be our first anniversary. And how big can stuff get with that? I still like recipes. I'm not sure I'll be able to get away with it. 
While Soldier sits blissfully in his non-wedding-planning ignorance and apathy, I have the growing thought in the back of my head that we should perhaps have just stuck with eloping.