Climbing

Higher and...not.

This summer has been a lot different than most. To be fair it was supposed to be, but it's even more different than I expected. 

I really enjoy my job. Well, for the most part...although half the time I don't want to talk to random people. But usually I start the day cranky and it completely changes. 
Okay, there are a couple of reasons for that. The majority of the people I talk to are happy and it's a bit infectious, so it brings my mood up. Maybe it's also the "acting" part. You kind of have to be "on" when you talk to people: friendly, helpful, not annoyed at the stupid questions and jokes you've already heard a thousand times. Maybe not, I dunno. The other reason are my favorites. I have 3 coworkers that I truly enjoy and (*gasp*) love. 
I was drawn to them pretty quickly, and I think...maybe just hope...that they were drawn to me as well. Let's see...one is very perky and pretty much likes everyone but he feels like family. Another started out very guarded and now has opened up and seems as happy to see me as I am him. The third is even better. We have similar personalities (although she's much cooler) and we've shared some secrets. And honestly, when Soldier and I are having a spat or whatever, I look forward to seeing her even more. 

Alright none of that information is super important. Maybe kind of background? Maybe me just saying things. 

Transition! I used to enjoy rock climbing. Uh, rock gym climbing, I have no desire for the real shit. I even have my own, relatively nice, harness. I also used to enjoy jogging, yoga, dancing, and skiing. 

But...autoimmune changed everything. I mean everything. Ok it's hard to describe if you're not sick like that, but once your body "betrays" you, you don't really trust it again. I mean, really, it's been like 2 years since all that stuff happened. But since it happened, I've been afraid to do so many things. Even simple things like squatting or kneeling concern me. I'm scared to hurt my legs, scared to get sick (the kind of autoimmune "sick" that's different from normal sick), scared of messing something up, scared of feeling like that again, scared of...I don't even know what else. Everything. 

So, to get back to the point kind of, there has been talk of being under the influence enough to climb. I can't tell you how badly I've wanted that. 
Yesterday we had a work party. It was also the day that my Soldier headed off for the weekend. He gets to see family and friends, which I love, but I hate that I don't hear much from him when he's gone. And I'm also a little jealous that he gets to hang out with them. Can I request that we inject a little bit more emotion in there? Alrighty then. 

The two of my favorite coworker gentlemen (the lady coworker was out of town) let me chauffeur them to the party, and were influenced enough afterwards to climb. Well, maybe I should add in here that I had much more fun at the party, and stayed much later, than I expected to. 
Seriously, I've been waiting for this. I've put off climbing during regular hours because I've been afraid. I've wanted to climb and try and it out. And...I climbed. Not very high. Mostly because I looked down and knew it was too far for me to just jump. 
Anyway I did it. Barefoot, in jeans. And it hurt, but it was amazing. Because I did it. After a couple of us climbed a few feet, we back tracked and just laid on the squishy floor. And I just laughed and felt so fantastic. I found out that I could handle it. 
I've tried jogging a little bit, but I'm pretty lazy about it. Even standing on my feet at the docks scares me, I wear knee braces every day. This was really actually working my knees and body and, yeah I know that it's still going to be hard on me, but I feel like I can start doing things again. You know, if I stop being lazy about it. I think I'll try to go skiing again this coming winter.

I know that these three will be gone after summer. Not just out of the vicinity...out of touch and everything. Sometimes I think friendships are like that--they're only there for a little while and you know it'll end. We won't talk anymore. I'll be sad that they're gone, think about them sometimes, and check them up on Facebook every once in a while. I know that, and I don't like it, but maybe it's just a part of growing older. But for the time being, they're helping me a lot, and they're very, very important. 
I've gotten out more, pushed my physical and emotional boundaries a little bit, and lots and lots of fun. 

I'm glad this summer has been more different than I expected. You're never too old for some adventure.