Stabby Stab Stab

Forced masochism

I returned from Seattle today. It was...tiring. Mom met me out there because I'm spoiled, but it was so helpful for me to have her there. 

She got to the airport a few minutes before I did, so she was waiting for me at baggage claim. We checked into our hotel and set off to eat. We settled on a place that served Middle Eastern street food and yummmm. After eating we wandered around, found some shops to revisit in the morning, and grabbed a bottle of wine to sit and chat and watch terrible cable with. Honestly, why does cable still exist? It's terrible, most of the shows are terrible, and (worst of all) half of the "show" is commercials. It's bullshit. 

Next morning we went to a place called Biscuit Bitch that only served different types of biscuits and gravy. Not my favorite type of breakfast, but it was decent and the place was fun. Next we did some shopping and I woke up in a Sephora (so many bonus points to you if you get that reference). 

Then it was off to the hospital. Checked in and waited and worried. Saw the CMA who was really nice and took care of the basics. Waited some more. In came the doctor. He was thorough and very nice from the get-go, starting off with asking me to explain what happened when I got sick (which somehow hadn't made it with my other records). Next he checked my knees, ankles, feet, elbows, wrists, fingers (all of which have been giving me trouble in the past few weeks); he checked for psoriasis and issues in my back and other joints. 
He assured me that, though I am a very sick person, he knew how to treat me. That was good news. But there was a catch: it means giving myself an injection every two weeks for the rest of my life. 
It just occurred to me that I really shouldn't feel bad for myself, lots of people have to do it. But I hate it. I hate having this thing that takes over my body and is ruining it. Anyway. 

He told me how he wanted to treat the problem, and then everything went super fast. My head is still spinning. He explained some things to me, then the CMA came back in. Set up another appointment for me and worked on some insurance stuff. Next was the nurse. She went over how to do the injection and some of the medication stuff. She kept apologizing because all of that would normally have been in a second appointment but they were kind of tied with me not being local. Then it was off for blood work. 

The whole thing took 2 hours, which is the longest I've had with one appointment before. In a way it was good, because they made me feel like they were really taking care of me, and they stressed multiple times that I'm not alone; there's a team behind me that's available at any time for any question. It was very reassuring and a bit validating for him to say that I was am quite sick (and that the doctor here didn't give me enough steroids). But it was a whoooole lot at once. I'm really still trying to debrief myself and remember everything I need to do. I actually woke up in the middle of the night last night panicking about some phone call I need to make or some step in the process that I need to take care of.  

After the appointment we wandered a bit (have I mentioned how much I love walking around cities?!) and did some more shopping. Dinner at a brewery and another bottle of wine to go back for talking and bad cable. 

And this morning we left. I was (still am) exhausted, mentally drained, sleep deprived, and feeling sorry for myself. But when I landed I had to stop to pick up my steroids and get a flu shot. It did perk me up a bit to get home and see my Soldier. But it's still a lot. The worst part? Because of my fingers swelling I can't wear my engagement and wedding rings. Sentimental and silly, possibly, but I guess I'm in a good position if that's the worst of it.