Back in the Midwest

Growing pains.

I looked up a few quotes about transition for the subtitle for this one; there were a few I liked but they didn't really cover it. I knew this change would be a little difficult, but it's getting the better of me.
I cannot say enough how wonderful Soldier has been with this. He's encouraged me with all the newness but he doesn't really push. He has a lot more confidence in me than I do. He bought me a fancy car, has no problem with any money I spend, and thinks I'm worth a lot of money as an employee.

So...begin. The place we're living isn't really conducive to spirit and motivation. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been updated since the 70s or 80s and has a slight lingering smell of old cigarettes. It's technically furnished but we keep having to buy stuff: a mixer, a vacuum, dish towels, hangers. Maybe those things aren't supposed to be included, but I kind of thought they would.
I've also been letting the anxiety get to me...a couple of days ago I tried a different grocery store and almost thought I was going to have a panic attack in the middle of the place. Also most of my professional work clothes don't fit, which also doesn't help. Everyone still thinks I'm "small," but I'm not at a weight I'm comfortable with.

Transition! YAY!

Soldier and I were trying to figure out when we would be able to head up and visit our families, and all of a sudden he said, "Just go." And I realized that I could. So I did. I wanted to go for a chance to recharge, and to connect with a friend to brainstorm about job searching. I forgot what it was like to look for a job in a bigger city. (Is there a word for nepotism that isn't actual family? Just that "it's not what you know, it's who you know" thing? Anyway, that.) Anyway I had a nice time with some of my family and got a lot of good ideas for my search. But then I got back and kind of deflated.
This week I've tried to force myself to do things. I found a few jobs that I'm really interested in and tomorrow I'm going to go to the job center and get a nice new interview outfit. Hopefully that'll help. Yesterday I made myself finish up my resume and today I really figured out which jobs I want to apply for...it's a start I guess.

So...send me confident thoughts, I guess. As exciting as it is to be back in a place that has all sorts of stores, restaurants, and entertainment...it's also real scary for an introvert. It's hard to start completely from scratch, even if you know what you're getting into.

I've also pushed Soldier into going back to Mass. I enjoy it, and a woman we sat next encouraged me to join the choir and said she was going to tell the choir director about me. It is something I would like to get back into...if I can have the guts to ask for it. Ugh. Anxiety is such a bitch.

And I guess that's it for the highlights. It'll feel a lot better when we have our own house and I have a job, but this is definitely a start. I do miss the beauty and familiarity of Juneau though. And absolutely some of the people. I know that once I get used to it and feel *slightly* less pressure I'll really be able to enjoy this new adventure.

The Journey

Moving across two countries

I'm so excited to tell you guys all about our move! I was freaking out in the days leading up to it, so sure that we wouldn't be ready. The night before we got on the ferry we were having dinner with our best friends and staying at their house. Just before Soldier was supposed to get off work I was finishing up mopping, stopped, and went "God dammit we're going to be ready." I was completely shocked. Anyway we spent our drive listening to a dramatic telling of Lord of the Rings and the audio books of Harry Potter so I'm going to try and tell you our trip dramatically. Here goes. 

Day the First: Friday
We began our journey before daybreak, stepping onto the ferry at about 6 in the morning. The sky was dark and it rained for much of the 6 hour trip. Soldier watched some porpoises jumping, but I was not fortunate enough. I was nervous, apprehensive of what we were taking on, but Soldier was exhilarated.  Our chariot (her name's Sabrina) was laden down heavy, but Soldier was unconcerned. The ferry docked at Skagway and we began. The town was quaint but somewhat deserted; we spied few other cars on the road. Fog covered everything, making the mountainside road even scarier. A black bear tried to cross, became spooked, and ran alongside us for a moment. Getting through Customs to Canada was quite easy, only taking a few moments. Most of the day was spent driving on the edges of mountains, next to lakes, me looking for wildlife. We ended the day with what soldier called Wilderness Snow Camping. Night had already fallen when we reached the government campground. I was sick with worry; I felt too exposed. Two inches of snow sat on the ground, and we only had a thin tent. Inside, we first laid down a moving blanket, then our sleeping mats. We each got inside a regular sleeping bag then slithered into a double sleeping bag. I was so cold I had to wear my Uggs all night, and we both wore rabbit fur hats (the kind with the ear flaps; I had mine hooked firmly under my chin). I slept somewhat fitfully; I woke up continually having to hide my face to keep it warm.

Day the Second: Saturday
Our second day began earlier than the first. We had broken camp and were on the road at 4:30. The first part of the day went slowly as we drove through the mountains on snowy, slushy roads. Miles and miles went by between "towns," though each of the towns would be a single gas station and restaurant with nothing else around. It perplexed me; where did these people live? How did they get food? How could they stand being so far from civilization?
Travelling along, we saw some cars ahead of us slow down. Then we came upon a herd of bison.

Soldier stopped the chariot for me to take a picture of one just beside the road. The flash went off and a giant eye started to turn toward me. I urged him to drive; I didn't want Sabrina to be rammed by a giant bison. We continued our drive through mountains and snow. There were many areas that had been burned and all that was left was a swath of blackened tree stalks. Where the trees were healthy, they were green and yellow, dusted with snow. It looked like Christmas. Continuing along, drivers ahead of us slowed down again and a moose ran across the road. A MOOSE! The entire time of living in Alaska and for this trip, my biggest wish was to see a moose. It stopped at the side of the road to eat, but we were driving too quickly for me to get a picture. But I saw a moose. After over 13 hours of travel, we ended the day in Grande Prairie. If you ever stop in the area, stay at the Podollan Inn and Suites. The room was lovely and the customer service was fantastic. (I cannot say the same for the other places we stayed). 

Day the Third: Sunday

This day began later, after a refreshing breakfast. We thought we were coming closer to more cities more often, but we were mistaken. Not far out of town I saw a brown bear eating along the side of the highway. I kept watch out for more moose, but saw none. Eventually we entered into Jasper National Park. Though we saw no additional wildlife, it was still fascinating. The mountains in Juneau were no small things, but the Northern Rockies were HUGE. There were glaciers all along the mountains, in the middle of them. 

Eventually we came to Banff, though we agreed that Jasper was the more exciting of the two. We stopped in town and found our way to the Banff Avenue Brewing Co. The beer was good, the only downside was that they did not have stocked the shirts we wanted. Leaving town, we saw an elk on the side of the road eating.

The rest of the night was spent in the hotel, drinking and enjoying our time together.

Day the Fourth: Monday

This day was meant for a break from travel. We began with a short drive to Lake Louise. We intended to also visit Lake Moraine, but it was closed for the season. Lake Louise was beautiful though. I love the colors of water depending on the depth, composition, weather, and any number of other factors. The weather was foggy but it may have worked in our favor. Soldier and I don't let the weather stop us from our adventures, but we're sure it stops other people. We make the most of what we can. After Lake Louise we ventured back to the town of Banff. Though we didn't see more wildlife, we enjoyed the mountains and town. 

Day the Fifth: Tuesday

Another day began at 4 in the morning. It was already snowing. Soldier drove on despite the inclement weather. I kept watch at each animal crossing sign, but saw no more moose. Eventually, however, we passed by an alpaca farm. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Soldier noticed a trembling in the chariot. He stopped to check and tighten the tires, and broke a stud. After consulting with a mechanic friend, we decided we needed to find a dealership to get it fixed. Enter Regina. It should have been a quick stop, but the mechanics kept telling us about new problems that needed to be addressed. Soldier acquiesced to all of them, and we were now very behind schedule. (A very large THANK YOU to the Subaru dealership in Regina; they knew we were travelling through and worked as quickly as they could). Finally we made it back to the US border; I won't deny that I was slightly sorry to leave the niceties of Canada. Thankfully it was another easy crossing and we were suddenly in North Dakota. We had intended to spend the night in Fargo, but we only made it as far as Minot. It was another long day of driving, and we were very tired upon getting to bed. 

Day the Sixth: Wednesday

We stayed long enough for breakfast, and got back on the road. More snow. I had wanted to spend some time in Fargo to see some college friends. The farther along we traveled, the worse it became. Between Jamestown and Fargo it was near whiteout. We lost track of how many semi trucks had veered off the road; but once again Soldier was the best. He navigated around cars, through uncleared roads, and somehow making his way without really being able to see. We were only able to stay in Fargo long enough to attain gas, which made me very sad later on. And that was mostly the end of the excitement. It was just prairie and city, traveling much too long for my taste. We finally arrived at Soldier's brother's house at around 1:30 in the morning. Soldier was concerned about making me a drink but I just wanted sleep. We were so close to our journey's end. 

Day the Seventh: Thursday

Finally, the last day had arrived. Four short hours in the car stood between us and our destination. Along the way, we saw at least 7 police cars on the highway. Thankfully, however, the last of the trip was uneventful. We arrived at our apartment and unpacked the car, then sat down with a beer. Now comes the real work: car shopping, job searching, house hunting. Thinking about it all makes me tired. 

I don't really have many initial thoughts on Cleveland so far (though, to be fair, we're actually outside of the city so we haven't seen it yet). I hope we'll find a nice house and enjoy our time here; I still worry whether this was the right decision or not. Whatever the case, though, here we are and we'll have to make the best of it.