Back in the Midwest

Growing pains.

I looked up a few quotes about transition for the subtitle for this one; there were a few I liked but they didn't really cover it. I knew this change would be a little difficult, but it's getting the better of me.
I cannot say enough how wonderful Soldier has been with this. He's encouraged me with all the newness but he doesn't really push. He has a lot more confidence in me than I do. He bought me a fancy car, has no problem with any money I spend, and thinks I'm worth a lot of money as an employee.

So...begin. The place we're living isn't really conducive to spirit and motivation. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been updated since the 70s or 80s and has a slight lingering smell of old cigarettes. It's technically furnished but we keep having to buy stuff: a mixer, a vacuum, dish towels, hangers. Maybe those things aren't supposed to be included, but I kind of thought they would.
I've also been letting the anxiety get to me...a couple of days ago I tried a different grocery store and almost thought I was going to have a panic attack in the middle of the place. Also most of my professional work clothes don't fit, which also doesn't help. Everyone still thinks I'm "small," but I'm not at a weight I'm comfortable with.

Transition! YAY!

Soldier and I were trying to figure out when we would be able to head up and visit our families, and all of a sudden he said, "Just go." And I realized that I could. So I did. I wanted to go for a chance to recharge, and to connect with a friend to brainstorm about job searching. I forgot what it was like to look for a job in a bigger city. (Is there a word for nepotism that isn't actual family? Just that "it's not what you know, it's who you know" thing? Anyway, that.) Anyway I had a nice time with some of my family and got a lot of good ideas for my search. But then I got back and kind of deflated.
This week I've tried to force myself to do things. I found a few jobs that I'm really interested in and tomorrow I'm going to go to the job center and get a nice new interview outfit. Hopefully that'll help. Yesterday I made myself finish up my resume and today I really figured out which jobs I want to apply for...it's a start I guess.

So...send me confident thoughts, I guess. As exciting as it is to be back in a place that has all sorts of stores, restaurants, and entertainment...it's also real scary for an introvert. It's hard to start completely from scratch, even if you know what you're getting into.

I've also pushed Soldier into going back to Mass. I enjoy it, and a woman we sat next encouraged me to join the choir and said she was going to tell the choir director about me. It is something I would like to get back into...if I can have the guts to ask for it. Ugh. Anxiety is such a bitch.

And I guess that's it for the highlights. It'll feel a lot better when we have our own house and I have a job, but this is definitely a start. I do miss the beauty and familiarity of Juneau though. And absolutely some of the people. I know that once I get used to it and feel *slightly* less pressure I'll really be able to enjoy this new adventure.