Back to the City of Lights
Today's the day I head back to Paris! I'm excited, but nervous. Okay, at this point I tried to find a clip for you all of an older SNL skit where Zac Efron was going off to college and realized that he learned nothing of value for the real world. It was a parody of the High School Musical series and in it he talks about how he sang a song called "Nervous but Excited" and nobody joined in. It's really funny, so if you can find it, more power to you. I couldn't. Lame-o.
Once I get to Paris, I have to get a taxi and make it to my sister's house. This shouldn't be a huge problem, but I'm super anxious about having to use French. I'm still not very good, and it's worse when I'm trying to understand someone.
Then, my biggest hurdle will be (if my bro-in-law doesn't want to go do all the stuff with me) forcing myself out of the house to adventure on my own. As much as I don't like people and crowds, I don't like doing stuff on my own unless it's familiar. Wow, I'm a bit of a basket case, n'est-ce pas? (Okay, Google translate is telling me that phrase isn't quite what I want, but I'm pretty sure it is. Worst case scenario, I look like a dumb American. Everyone needs to be humbled every once in a while.)
So. On the books is Giverny to see Monet's house and gardens...and that's about it. Everything else is up in the air. I have some ideas but nothing concrete. That might be fun, except, again, I just have to make myself do it. I'm even bringing running shoes for the park near their house. We'll see how much my legs hate me.
Anyway...whatever happens, happens; c'est la vie; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger; etc. etc.
Next! Without even having this trip out of the way, I've got the next one planned. I made a joke about going to Vegas for my birthday. Some of Tee's family have birthdays around the same time, so a few of us are going. Simple as that. We got a good deal, and my birthday is on a Friday, so we can have lots of fun. We're staying at the Venetian, which looks lovely. I suppose that's all I've got for now.
Wish me luck in Paris! (As wonderful as Tee is, I'm still crossing my fingers to meet Henry Cavill. What can I say...a girl can dream!)
Be good, my lovelies...and if you can't be good, be good at it!
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Friday, September 19, 2014
The Bubble
Life must be easy when you ignore the rest of the world.
Let's get to it then. I can't remember if I've mentioned Richard Cranium (RC) since the reboot. So, if I have, you get another gentle reminder.
A few years ago, I ruined a relationship because I thought that RC wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. Silly, silly me. My boyfriend didn't trust him, I didn't think my boyfriend should tell me who I could and couldn't be friends with, we broke up. As it turns out, RC was not simply interested in friendship. But shortly afterwards, he moved to one of the most God-forsaken places on the planet: Alabama (cue the shudder).
Somehow he convinced me to come visit him. I think I convinced myself it was a good idea because 1. I was due for a vacation, 2. I'd never been there, and 3. it would be warmer. 1. That did not qualify as a vacation, 2. I wish I'd never been there, and 3. it wasn't. I flew out there, he didn't have any money (no exaggeration...he sat at the airport bar waiting to pick me up and I had to pay the tab), and he was just kind of a jerk the whole time. He wanted to spend the entire time drinking (also no exaggeration...he would start to pull out a bottle of liquor as soon as he woke up), was fine with spending all of my money, and had no concept for anything but what he wanted.
In the end, I had a seriously terrible time and he owed me $400.
The next time he came home to visit, he wanted to see me. But he'd brought a girl home with him for half of the trip, so I didn't jump at the offer. I did ask for the money though. He didn't appreciate that, and I'm sure he called me many unkind names, I don't remember anymore. It does sound like something he'd do, though. So I didn't see him, and I didn't get the money.
Not too long ago, he told me he would be visiting and we should catch up. He had a girlfriend, I figured it'd been long enough, and I had a tiny glimmer of hope that I might get my $400.
But I also wasn't going out of my way to see him, which really became apparent when I wasn't feeling well but he thought I should just drop everything and drive half an hour to see him. I repeatedly told him why I didn't want to (it was getting late, I didn't feel well, I had to work the next day, etc, etc.) and he just kept pushing, oblivious to everything I said. He finally let up after he called and I got quite upset and had to explain the whole autoimmune thing. Which is always a ton of fun.
He tried again a few more times, but I was out of town with Tee. Finally I told him we could hang out, and suggested getting a drink after work. He then told me he wasn't allowed at bars. While visiting, he got in a drunken bar fight. He called to "explain" things to me. He was in a bar fight (I don't know the details)...he broke up with the girlfriend that night and apparently got a domestic violence charge for shoving her away from him. Then he said that he was trying to get his golf clubs out the trunk of her car and she wouldn't give them up, so he threatened to break her windshield wiper. And then, he did, so he got another charge for that. He was then placed on a tether because he lives out of town and was considered a flight risk.
I'll admit that I felt kind of bad for him, solely because he just makes things so difficult for himself. Earnestly, I told him we could figure out something to do for the next day.
The next day, after a short conversation, he told me he missed me. You've probably guessed by now that I talk to myself a lot, and I don't keep my feelings hidden well. So, as I'm sitting at work, my facial expression, gestures, and words ranged between disbelief, amusement, and annoyance. I asked if he had meant to send the text elsewhere, to which he replied negatively. He added a winky-smiley-face. I may have thrown up in my mouth a little. I almost couldn't believe he was trying to pull this crap. So I made a joke about how he must really have been bored the past few days. He apparently felt the need to explain himself and told me I'm one of the few girls he still talks to that he hasn't known since he was little; I reminded him that he has known me that long. Then he tried to spin it, pointing out that a lot of romantic movies have the leads knowing each other from childhood. Oh, gag. I told him I didn't put much stock into those movies, and he told me he's a huge romantic. (He must have been referring to the time Alabama when we stopped to get snacks and he got me a rose. From a gas station. With my money. Soooo romantic.)
Next he asked me to let him take me to a movie. I was done with it. I asked if he knew I was seeing someone. He did. I cut right to the chase: "So you know that's not going to happen, right?" He feigned innocence: "What? A movie with a friend?" I pointed out that he'd just been talking about romance, and he said it was just a joke. I ignored his calls and texts, then later told him I was just in for the night.
Today, he texted and asked if I'd be able to give him a ride to the airport. Nope. I work. Like an adult. I asked how court went; his parents shelled out a bunch of money to settle and get the charges off his record. No wonder he's a man-child; they keep bailing him out and paying off his debts to society. Too bad my $400 isn't on that list.
Let's get to it then. I can't remember if I've mentioned Richard Cranium (RC) since the reboot. So, if I have, you get another gentle reminder.
A few years ago, I ruined a relationship because I thought that RC wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. Silly, silly me. My boyfriend didn't trust him, I didn't think my boyfriend should tell me who I could and couldn't be friends with, we broke up. As it turns out, RC was not simply interested in friendship. But shortly afterwards, he moved to one of the most God-forsaken places on the planet: Alabama (cue the shudder).
Somehow he convinced me to come visit him. I think I convinced myself it was a good idea because 1. I was due for a vacation, 2. I'd never been there, and 3. it would be warmer. 1. That did not qualify as a vacation, 2. I wish I'd never been there, and 3. it wasn't. I flew out there, he didn't have any money (no exaggeration...he sat at the airport bar waiting to pick me up and I had to pay the tab), and he was just kind of a jerk the whole time. He wanted to spend the entire time drinking (also no exaggeration...he would start to pull out a bottle of liquor as soon as he woke up), was fine with spending all of my money, and had no concept for anything but what he wanted.
In the end, I had a seriously terrible time and he owed me $400.
The next time he came home to visit, he wanted to see me. But he'd brought a girl home with him for half of the trip, so I didn't jump at the offer. I did ask for the money though. He didn't appreciate that, and I'm sure he called me many unkind names, I don't remember anymore. It does sound like something he'd do, though. So I didn't see him, and I didn't get the money.
Not too long ago, he told me he would be visiting and we should catch up. He had a girlfriend, I figured it'd been long enough, and I had a tiny glimmer of hope that I might get my $400.
But I also wasn't going out of my way to see him, which really became apparent when I wasn't feeling well but he thought I should just drop everything and drive half an hour to see him. I repeatedly told him why I didn't want to (it was getting late, I didn't feel well, I had to work the next day, etc, etc.) and he just kept pushing, oblivious to everything I said. He finally let up after he called and I got quite upset and had to explain the whole autoimmune thing. Which is always a ton of fun.
He tried again a few more times, but I was out of town with Tee. Finally I told him we could hang out, and suggested getting a drink after work. He then told me he wasn't allowed at bars. While visiting, he got in a drunken bar fight. He called to "explain" things to me. He was in a bar fight (I don't know the details)...he broke up with the girlfriend that night and apparently got a domestic violence charge for shoving her away from him. Then he said that he was trying to get his golf clubs out the trunk of her car and she wouldn't give them up, so he threatened to break her windshield wiper. And then, he did, so he got another charge for that. He was then placed on a tether because he lives out of town and was considered a flight risk.
I'll admit that I felt kind of bad for him, solely because he just makes things so difficult for himself. Earnestly, I told him we could figure out something to do for the next day.
The next day, after a short conversation, he told me he missed me. You've probably guessed by now that I talk to myself a lot, and I don't keep my feelings hidden well. So, as I'm sitting at work, my facial expression, gestures, and words ranged between disbelief, amusement, and annoyance. I asked if he had meant to send the text elsewhere, to which he replied negatively. He added a winky-smiley-face. I may have thrown up in my mouth a little. I almost couldn't believe he was trying to pull this crap. So I made a joke about how he must really have been bored the past few days. He apparently felt the need to explain himself and told me I'm one of the few girls he still talks to that he hasn't known since he was little; I reminded him that he has known me that long. Then he tried to spin it, pointing out that a lot of romantic movies have the leads knowing each other from childhood. Oh, gag. I told him I didn't put much stock into those movies, and he told me he's a huge romantic. (He must have been referring to the time Alabama when we stopped to get snacks and he got me a rose. From a gas station. With my money. Soooo romantic.)
Next he asked me to let him take me to a movie. I was done with it. I asked if he knew I was seeing someone. He did. I cut right to the chase: "So you know that's not going to happen, right?" He feigned innocence: "What? A movie with a friend?" I pointed out that he'd just been talking about romance, and he said it was just a joke. I ignored his calls and texts, then later told him I was just in for the night.
Today, he texted and asked if I'd be able to give him a ride to the airport. Nope. I work. Like an adult. I asked how court went; his parents shelled out a bunch of money to settle and get the charges off his record. No wonder he's a man-child; they keep bailing him out and paying off his debts to society. Too bad my $400 isn't on that list.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Wining and Dining
Memories with a side of alcohol
Tee and I had another adventure this weekend. We headed north to a town that‘s very touristy in the summer…but once fall hits, hockey takes over for a short time. We went to see some NHL hopefuls play, and let me tell you, it was beautiful. Everyone here is getting all excited about football, and I’m all “is it hockey season yet?!” I’m not a fan of football. To me, it’s about guys wearing tight pants who need to jump on the guy with the ball. And they stop about every 2 seconds. And, while I’m ranting, I’d like to start a petition to have the name officially changed to Tackle Ball. Who’s with me?! Hmm…I’m sure that would go over well.
There’s just something about hockey—it’s graceful, but brutal. Also, I think it may be the official sport of those with ADD. But I just love it. The rink is so cold and dry, and you have to get all bundled up…then the teams come out gliding and spinning and it’s almost like dancing. The sounds too…the puck against the sticks and the gentle thud of bodies being checked into the boards. And the next thing you know, gloves and helmets are thrown off and someone might be getting a concussion. It’s all so wonderful.
Oh shoot, I have to back up. We went early to visit a distillery, where I got good and sloshed. I didn’t mean to, but the vodka was really delicious, and I really like vodka. Tee and I support different hockey teams (because he’s wrong), and we were both suited up in team gear. (And I looked super-hot. For some reason grammar check wanted that hyphenated…sure. I’m giving myself credit for that one. I mean the hotness, not the hyphenation. Someone later that night asked if I was a makeup artist. Score!) We walked in and the people who were selling tickets were very amused at our opposing attire. And we were pretty adorable.
That brings us back to hockey. We had a lot of fun, even though both of our teams lost. Afterwards, we went back to the casino (where we were staying the night) and gambled a bit. I did not win millions. Why don't I ever get to win the millions? I want to win the monies.
Anywho, even though I lost, I always play a slot machine that's super entertaining. So I suppose that's something. Besides the fact that I was at a casino so it's really my own damn fault.
The next day we hung out with Meredith and Darryl. I really didn't want to, considering recent events. But it turned out to be a lot of fun. Again, I think a good amount of that was because I had Tee. We all went to brunch and then a couple of wineries. The first one had a quick tour that we partook of and learned a lot about making wine (probably none of which I could remember). After the wineries we made a quick stop at a lighthouse. What I didn't mention was that this stuff was all on a beautiful peninsula. Rolling hills, trees, grapevines, and the bay on either side. It was picturesque and gorgeous, and I'm so glad I got to spend that time with him. On the other hand, I'm definitely ready for some lazy time...but I won't get that anytime soon! It's time to start thinking about Paris again.
Next up: Richard Cranium resurfaces. Stay tuned!
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Animal Magnetism
Roar
This past weekend was incredible. Two of my most wonderful friends, Sandy and Danny, got married. In a zoo. And it was the most fun I've ever had at a wedding.
Why?
Well a big part of that was because my date didn't suck. The rest was because of the awesome people involved in the wedding.
Wait, wait, let's start over. After the eye, dog, and Bridezilla stuff, I was feeling quite worn out. (Although, one of my bosses has given me the title Phantom of the Wedding. I rather like it.) Like I said before, I stress myself out so much more than I need to, but I don't know how to not. But when it rains, it pours, right?
So I was getting all my ducks in order last week for the zoo weekend, and threw in a load of laundry to make sure I had all the stuff I wanted to pack. When I noticed it was done, I naturally started to put the clothes in the dryer. Nope. They were soaking wet and my washing machine just kept flashing lights at me. The good news? I got a really good arm workout wringing all the water out of them. So I made an appointment for a repair person to come out on Monday, tried my best to figure it out, and resigned myself to failure on that.
On Friday, I frantically ran around getting things together and worrying (of course). I got the dog dropped off, stopped at Tee's house, and we were off. I can't tell you how many times he did his best to soothe my anxiety. It didn't work, but he really tried.
We checked into the hotel and had enough time to change before it was off to the rehearsal. Which was a waste. The "coordinator" really had no idea what she was doing, and didn't actually coordinate anything. So, in the sweltering heat, we talked about what was going to happen. There was no audio to practice music and timing, and it was outside so the chairs and such weren't set up for spacing. Like I said, a waste. But it was also the temperature of the sun so we were quick to get out of there and move on to dinner and drinking.
Saturday we woke up and I got half-ready to go to the salon. I only had an appointment to get my makeup done, because I figured my hair's a bit short to do much with. When we walked in, the owner (an older, not-impressive man) asked about the purple in my hair. But a lot of people have been asking about it, so no big. I got my makeup done, and it did look pretty sweet. I was sitting, waiting, and the owner came back. He started to interrogate me about my life and told me that he sold half the salon for some TV thing and they're looking for models. I gave him one of my cards and he said he may call. A few minutes later, I was talking to a few of the girls and the owner asked what my plan was for my hair and, when I said I didn't have one, asked if he could play with it. So, I had my hair and makeup done all wonderfully for the wedding.
It was not my favorite performance, by a long-shot. But everyone else enjoyed it, so that's the important part. Then we got to settle in and have a good time, and we certainly did. I couldn't have had a better time with Tee and all the others. The best part was that he had a good time with all of them. I didn't have to worry about entertaining him the whole time, or that he'd get belligerent or be a jerk. He had a good time and wanted me to have a good time. It made me appreciate him so much more.
On Sunday we got up and had breakfast with everyone, then went back to the zoo to actually check it out. It was a lot of fun, I love zoos. Although I still can't decide if they're good or not...I think in some cases they are, but not others. I'm just fascinated with the animals though. Anyway after the zoo and a few hours in the car, I was home. Exhausted, but happy. I may actually be opening up to Tee. I'm excited for our next adventure.
This past weekend was incredible. Two of my most wonderful friends, Sandy and Danny, got married. In a zoo. And it was the most fun I've ever had at a wedding.
Why?
Well a big part of that was because my date didn't suck. The rest was because of the awesome people involved in the wedding.
Wait, wait, let's start over. After the eye, dog, and Bridezilla stuff, I was feeling quite worn out. (Although, one of my bosses has given me the title Phantom of the Wedding. I rather like it.) Like I said before, I stress myself out so much more than I need to, but I don't know how to not. But when it rains, it pours, right?
So I was getting all my ducks in order last week for the zoo weekend, and threw in a load of laundry to make sure I had all the stuff I wanted to pack. When I noticed it was done, I naturally started to put the clothes in the dryer. Nope. They were soaking wet and my washing machine just kept flashing lights at me. The good news? I got a really good arm workout wringing all the water out of them. So I made an appointment for a repair person to come out on Monday, tried my best to figure it out, and resigned myself to failure on that.
On Friday, I frantically ran around getting things together and worrying (of course). I got the dog dropped off, stopped at Tee's house, and we were off. I can't tell you how many times he did his best to soothe my anxiety. It didn't work, but he really tried.
We checked into the hotel and had enough time to change before it was off to the rehearsal. Which was a waste. The "coordinator" really had no idea what she was doing, and didn't actually coordinate anything. So, in the sweltering heat, we talked about what was going to happen. There was no audio to practice music and timing, and it was outside so the chairs and such weren't set up for spacing. Like I said, a waste. But it was also the temperature of the sun so we were quick to get out of there and move on to dinner and drinking.
Saturday we woke up and I got half-ready to go to the salon. I only had an appointment to get my makeup done, because I figured my hair's a bit short to do much with. When we walked in, the owner (an older, not-impressive man) asked about the purple in my hair. But a lot of people have been asking about it, so no big. I got my makeup done, and it did look pretty sweet. I was sitting, waiting, and the owner came back. He started to interrogate me about my life and told me that he sold half the salon for some TV thing and they're looking for models. I gave him one of my cards and he said he may call. A few minutes later, I was talking to a few of the girls and the owner asked what my plan was for my hair and, when I said I didn't have one, asked if he could play with it. So, I had my hair and makeup done all wonderfully for the wedding.
It was not my favorite performance, by a long-shot. But everyone else enjoyed it, so that's the important part. Then we got to settle in and have a good time, and we certainly did. I couldn't have had a better time with Tee and all the others. The best part was that he had a good time with all of them. I didn't have to worry about entertaining him the whole time, or that he'd get belligerent or be a jerk. He had a good time and wanted me to have a good time. It made me appreciate him so much more.
On Sunday we got up and had breakfast with everyone, then went back to the zoo to actually check it out. It was a lot of fun, I love zoos. Although I still can't decide if they're good or not...I think in some cases they are, but not others. I'm just fascinated with the animals though. Anyway after the zoo and a few hours in the car, I was home. Exhausted, but happy. I may actually be opening up to Tee. I'm excited for our next adventure.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Humbled
When life decides you need a good kick in the ass.
Well this year has been full of adventures so far. Some good, some bad, all unquestionably different. I've definitely grown as a person and tested the limits of what I can handle, albeit involuntarily. I'm also pretty sure I've aged about 1000 years. And, I'm not sure if you've ever experienced aging 1000 years, but it takes its toll on a girl. Then people ask what it feels like or tell you they understand and you want to fall into a fit of either laughter or crying.
As referenced, I always get very anxious when I have to visit the doctor again. This time was no different, especially since it's the first time I actually met the rheumatologist. He was a very pleasant, helpful, kind man, so that helped. What didn't help was that my appointment was at 10:00, they told me I needed to be there 10 minutes early, and I didn't see the doctor until 11:00. (Is that an American thing? Why do they do that? Rude.)
Instead of saying things were going as expected, and maybe we should switch treatment, he added more pills. I now take 6 pills a day. SIX.PILLS. I know that it could be much worse, but that's a bit ridiculous. And one of them is for anxiety, because stress makes autoimmune way worse. So now I stress over normal stuff, but I've added stressing about being stressed, and stressing over trying not to stress.
Plus, the pills made my stomach feel terrible for a while. I think I've figured that out, but I have to be careful to pay attention to different times to take some of them. It's all actually a bit laughable. Oh, bother.
Earlier this week, I went to the eye doctor and had to get my eyes dilated for the first time. While waiting for the drops to kick in, I had to sit out in the lobby. I felt so embarrassed, kind of muntant-y, as my pupils got bigger; then it started to hurt. Of course it was sunny so everything was just so bright and harsh. I had a feeling of being pitiable, small, and worthless. The good news is that the autoimmune medication I'm on isn't messing my eyes up so far.
I still had to try and act like an adult when I got home, which meant taking care of the dog. She has a bit of a ritual where she'll go out and sniff some, relieve herself, and do sprints (I call it running laps) on some of our 5 acres. I think she took advantage of my sight limitation and disappeared. I called for a few minutes and tried to stumble in the direction she started off, then I sat on the back of my car and whimpered. The feeling from earlier returned, just an utter downtrodden-ness She came back a little later all pleased that she got to run. Jerk.
This is a transition.
I've written about Meredith and Darryl before, but I'm not sure how long ago it was. I've known Meredith since high school (roughly 12 years). Meredith met Darryl one St. Patrick's day when I begged her to go bar-hopping, and somehow got her to agree. At one bar, I'd said something stupid (I'm good at that), Darryl's brother heard and made fun of me, the invited us to join their group for some more bar-hopping, and the two of them exchanged numbers at the end of the night. When they had their first date, I did her makeup and helped her pick out an outfit. I've listened to their relationship ups and downs, and gotten crying phone calls countless times over the last 3-ish years.
A few weeks ago he asked her to marry him. It was exciting, but we all really knew it was coming. I also knew the need for help would be coming. I got emails, texts, more exasperated phone calls; asking about colors and venues and themes. I was waiting for one phone call in particular.
I got that phone call the same night I went to the eye doctor. I had spent much of that evening trying to keep myself from crying since my eyes were already jacked up. Meredith called, and I could immediately tell something was wrong. We went through initial pleasantries, then she started to tell me that she called to ask me something. I told her that was fine, but we first needed to talk about why she'd been crying. Cause I'm a good friend. She told me what had been going on, we went back and forth, I calmed her down. Then she got to the point. What I'd been waiting for and expecting for a while.
Except...she asked me to be her wedding stage manager. Her...what? Is that even a thing? I think she made that shit up! I'm glad she didn't ask me in person; I don't think I would have been able to hide my shock and dismay. I told her that, of course, I'd do whatever she needed me to. After I hung up the phone, I immediately regretted it. And the more I thought about it, the more I regretted it.
Today was my first day as her servant/slave/bitch. I went to her parents house and we looked at different colors and such. I started to write down the names of her bridesmaids and ask what their tasks would be. She didn't know what I meant, so I started to say that I wasn't really sure what a wedding stage manager was, but that I assumed there would be other's tasks I would need to coordinate. So she read me this thing with the duties and everything, so I (not entirely pleasantly) said, "so it's the maid of honor and mistress of ceremonies in one." She was silent. I think she may have gotten the point by my slight attitude, which continued on the impromptu hour drive to look at colors for bridesmaid dresses. Where I was forced to actually try one on. Apparently I'm good enough to do all the work and be everything to everyone, but not good enough to stand up with her. Bullshit. But, I'll remain a complete pussy and won't actually say anything about it. I'll just keep stewing and fuming on the inside, all while I'm trying to be stress-free. Ha.
I'm mostly trying to chalk all this up to the universe breaking me down. At least, it feels like I'm being broken down. But I'm trying to be optimistic--usually (at least religiously) you have to be broken down to renew. So maybe I have to get to the bottom to rise way up to the top. Which better include Henry Cavill, damn it.
Well this year has been full of adventures so far. Some good, some bad, all unquestionably different. I've definitely grown as a person and tested the limits of what I can handle, albeit involuntarily. I'm also pretty sure I've aged about 1000 years. And, I'm not sure if you've ever experienced aging 1000 years, but it takes its toll on a girl. Then people ask what it feels like or tell you they understand and you want to fall into a fit of either laughter or crying.
As referenced, I always get very anxious when I have to visit the doctor again. This time was no different, especially since it's the first time I actually met the rheumatologist. He was a very pleasant, helpful, kind man, so that helped. What didn't help was that my appointment was at 10:00, they told me I needed to be there 10 minutes early, and I didn't see the doctor until 11:00. (Is that an American thing? Why do they do that? Rude.)
Instead of saying things were going as expected, and maybe we should switch treatment, he added more pills. I now take 6 pills a day. SIX.PILLS. I know that it could be much worse, but that's a bit ridiculous. And one of them is for anxiety, because stress makes autoimmune way worse. So now I stress over normal stuff, but I've added stressing about being stressed, and stressing over trying not to stress.
Plus, the pills made my stomach feel terrible for a while. I think I've figured that out, but I have to be careful to pay attention to different times to take some of them. It's all actually a bit laughable. Oh, bother.
Earlier this week, I went to the eye doctor and had to get my eyes dilated for the first time. While waiting for the drops to kick in, I had to sit out in the lobby. I felt so embarrassed, kind of muntant-y, as my pupils got bigger; then it started to hurt. Of course it was sunny so everything was just so bright and harsh. I had a feeling of being pitiable, small, and worthless. The good news is that the autoimmune medication I'm on isn't messing my eyes up so far.
I still had to try and act like an adult when I got home, which meant taking care of the dog. She has a bit of a ritual where she'll go out and sniff some, relieve herself, and do sprints (I call it running laps) on some of our 5 acres. I think she took advantage of my sight limitation and disappeared. I called for a few minutes and tried to stumble in the direction she started off, then I sat on the back of my car and whimpered. The feeling from earlier returned, just an utter downtrodden-ness She came back a little later all pleased that she got to run. Jerk.
This is a transition.
I've written about Meredith and Darryl before, but I'm not sure how long ago it was. I've known Meredith since high school (roughly 12 years). Meredith met Darryl one St. Patrick's day when I begged her to go bar-hopping, and somehow got her to agree. At one bar, I'd said something stupid (I'm good at that), Darryl's brother heard and made fun of me, the invited us to join their group for some more bar-hopping, and the two of them exchanged numbers at the end of the night. When they had their first date, I did her makeup and helped her pick out an outfit. I've listened to their relationship ups and downs, and gotten crying phone calls countless times over the last 3-ish years.
A few weeks ago he asked her to marry him. It was exciting, but we all really knew it was coming. I also knew the need for help would be coming. I got emails, texts, more exasperated phone calls; asking about colors and venues and themes. I was waiting for one phone call in particular.
I got that phone call the same night I went to the eye doctor. I had spent much of that evening trying to keep myself from crying since my eyes were already jacked up. Meredith called, and I could immediately tell something was wrong. We went through initial pleasantries, then she started to tell me that she called to ask me something. I told her that was fine, but we first needed to talk about why she'd been crying. Cause I'm a good friend. She told me what had been going on, we went back and forth, I calmed her down. Then she got to the point. What I'd been waiting for and expecting for a while.
Except...she asked me to be her wedding stage manager. Her...what? Is that even a thing? I think she made that shit up! I'm glad she didn't ask me in person; I don't think I would have been able to hide my shock and dismay. I told her that, of course, I'd do whatever she needed me to. After I hung up the phone, I immediately regretted it. And the more I thought about it, the more I regretted it.
Today was my first day as her servant/slave/bitch. I went to her parents house and we looked at different colors and such. I started to write down the names of her bridesmaids and ask what their tasks would be. She didn't know what I meant, so I started to say that I wasn't really sure what a wedding stage manager was, but that I assumed there would be other's tasks I would need to coordinate. So she read me this thing with the duties and everything, so I (not entirely pleasantly) said, "so it's the maid of honor and mistress of ceremonies in one." She was silent. I think she may have gotten the point by my slight attitude, which continued on the impromptu hour drive to look at colors for bridesmaid dresses. Where I was forced to actually try one on. Apparently I'm good enough to do all the work and be everything to everyone, but not good enough to stand up with her. Bullshit. But, I'll remain a complete pussy and won't actually say anything about it. I'll just keep stewing and fuming on the inside, all while I'm trying to be stress-free. Ha.
I'm mostly trying to chalk all this up to the universe breaking me down. At least, it feels like I'm being broken down. But I'm trying to be optimistic--usually (at least religiously) you have to be broken down to renew. So maybe I have to get to the bottom to rise way up to the top. Which better include Henry Cavill, damn it.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Good Manners and Unsolicited Sweetness
The good, the bad, and the odd
The Odd
After not hearing from Air since about a week after our first encounter, I got a message from him a few days ago. I'll never understand some people. There was no "hey, how's it going?" or "It's been a while, what's up?" or "How are you?"...not even a greeting and unsuccessfully flirty wink-face. Without ceremony, he asked if I'd be in town over Labor Day weekend. I affirmed, as far as I knew, and he said he was considering coming in. He added that he wouldn't bother if I wasn't going to be available. That would be fine if I was a silly girl, grabbing at any little scrap of attention. Tee-hee!
I called him out on wanting to see me after not even speaking to me for weeks. He acted like it was no big deal, and told me he's been really busy and hasn't had time to really talk to anyone. Bull.shit. I've made this argument before, but you're really gonna try and tell me you didn't have 30 seconds to message someone you're interested in? And you expect that person to get all giddy when you show up out of nowhere? And want to see you, no questions asked? Aww. That probably works for some girls. Not me.
I played along for a couple minutes after he asked how I'm doing. But come on. I wasn't even that excited about him in the first place. I'm not taking that crap. And do I really seem like the type of girl to sit around and wait? MAN, am I glad I have a shred of self-esteem.
Oh geez. This is totally off-topic, but I'm watching Jeopardy and they're using a lot of French words. I'm so excited to go back to Paris! I'm really working on the language, but that's probably not going to make a difference. I'm so glad I'll get to take in more of the gorgeous French sights. Feel free to share your thoughts and/or ideas on what I should see and do. Ooooh...tell you what: if you give me good suggestions or challenges, I'll reward you with pictures. (Don't you ever wonder about the girl behind all this crap? I know I would.)
Apparently we're working backwards.
The Bad
My legs have gotten bad again. Swelling, pain, extreme tiredness. I had to get blood work done again last week (I was excited at only having to get 6 tubes taken, but then was told that's not normal either). This time, my ANA came back positive. That means my blood is agreeing and confirming that I have an autoimmune disorder, but the rest appears regular. Unfortunately, I'm just looking at the results online and don't really know how to read them. (Did you guys see how someone hacked into a bunch of medical records? It's getting scarier and scarier. The world is a bad place nowadays.)
It's bothered me more than I expected to get those blood results. I mean it really doesn't make a difference, since I have the symptoms either way. Maybe it makes it more real or something. I have the honor of going back to the rheumatologist on Thursday...lucky me. Buuuut, that leads me to...
The Good
I cannot even begin to express how incredible Tee is. Once I let the idea of Soldier go, things changed. Nope, me and my brain did. Here are his wonderful feats:
He sends me a "Good morning beautiful" text every morning. If I stay the night at his house, he whispers it in my ear. He was excited to cook for me. He's great about suggesting to make the hour drive to see me so I'm not the only one traveling. He worries on my drive back until I let him know I made it home safe. He keeps his arms wrapped around me all night. If I wake up, so does he; if it's obvious my legs are hurting or uncomfortable, he asks what I need to make it better. He counts down until we get to see each other again. He puts a towel in the dryer for me while I'm in the shower. He repeatedly reminds me that he's here for the tough stuff.
Wait. Rewind. HE PUTS A TOWEL IN THE DRYER FOR ME WHILE I'M IN THE SHOWER. Do you even realize how amazing that is?! To have a nice warm, refreshing towel to dry off with?! Ugh. It might be heaven.
In all seriousness, the most important part might be that he says he's here for me, and I believe it. When I'm having a rough day he does what he can to make it better, or he sends me some sort of encouragement. It just blows my mind. He came into town yesterday and somehow my health crap came up (it's basically on my mind every waking moment, I can't help it)...eventually I ended up telling him that I'm actually really scared for my appointment. First he acknowledged my feelings, because I guess I'm not that good at hiding some of them. Then he told me that he was planning on getting up early and taking his workout class before work on Thursday (it's usually post-workday) so he could come in and be with me, because he knew it would be a hard day for me.
What the fuck? What.the.actual.fuck?! How does this guy even exist?! I still kind of can't believe it. It's funny how life works out sometimes. I've "known" him for a long time...just kind of met, said a few words, probably wouldn't even recognize him if I saw him on the street. But timing really is everything. Whether things work out and go long-term or not, this was the right time for our paths to cross.
The Odd
After not hearing from Air since about a week after our first encounter, I got a message from him a few days ago. I'll never understand some people. There was no "hey, how's it going?" or "It's been a while, what's up?" or "How are you?"...not even a greeting and unsuccessfully flirty wink-face. Without ceremony, he asked if I'd be in town over Labor Day weekend. I affirmed, as far as I knew, and he said he was considering coming in. He added that he wouldn't bother if I wasn't going to be available. That would be fine if I was a silly girl, grabbing at any little scrap of attention. Tee-hee!
I called him out on wanting to see me after not even speaking to me for weeks. He acted like it was no big deal, and told me he's been really busy and hasn't had time to really talk to anyone. Bull.shit. I've made this argument before, but you're really gonna try and tell me you didn't have 30 seconds to message someone you're interested in? And you expect that person to get all giddy when you show up out of nowhere? And want to see you, no questions asked? Aww. That probably works for some girls. Not me.
I played along for a couple minutes after he asked how I'm doing. But come on. I wasn't even that excited about him in the first place. I'm not taking that crap. And do I really seem like the type of girl to sit around and wait? MAN, am I glad I have a shred of self-esteem.
Oh geez. This is totally off-topic, but I'm watching Jeopardy and they're using a lot of French words. I'm so excited to go back to Paris! I'm really working on the language, but that's probably not going to make a difference. I'm so glad I'll get to take in more of the gorgeous French sights. Feel free to share your thoughts and/or ideas on what I should see and do. Ooooh...tell you what: if you give me good suggestions or challenges, I'll reward you with pictures. (Don't you ever wonder about the girl behind all this crap? I know I would.)
Apparently we're working backwards.
The Bad
My legs have gotten bad again. Swelling, pain, extreme tiredness. I had to get blood work done again last week (I was excited at only having to get 6 tubes taken, but then was told that's not normal either). This time, my ANA came back positive. That means my blood is agreeing and confirming that I have an autoimmune disorder, but the rest appears regular. Unfortunately, I'm just looking at the results online and don't really know how to read them. (Did you guys see how someone hacked into a bunch of medical records? It's getting scarier and scarier. The world is a bad place nowadays.)
It's bothered me more than I expected to get those blood results. I mean it really doesn't make a difference, since I have the symptoms either way. Maybe it makes it more real or something. I have the honor of going back to the rheumatologist on Thursday...lucky me. Buuuut, that leads me to...
The Good
I cannot even begin to express how incredible Tee is. Once I let the idea of Soldier go, things changed. Nope, me and my brain did. Here are his wonderful feats:
He sends me a "Good morning beautiful" text every morning. If I stay the night at his house, he whispers it in my ear. He was excited to cook for me. He's great about suggesting to make the hour drive to see me so I'm not the only one traveling. He worries on my drive back until I let him know I made it home safe. He keeps his arms wrapped around me all night. If I wake up, so does he; if it's obvious my legs are hurting or uncomfortable, he asks what I need to make it better. He counts down until we get to see each other again. He puts a towel in the dryer for me while I'm in the shower. He repeatedly reminds me that he's here for the tough stuff.
Wait. Rewind. HE PUTS A TOWEL IN THE DRYER FOR ME WHILE I'M IN THE SHOWER. Do you even realize how amazing that is?! To have a nice warm, refreshing towel to dry off with?! Ugh. It might be heaven.
In all seriousness, the most important part might be that he says he's here for me, and I believe it. When I'm having a rough day he does what he can to make it better, or he sends me some sort of encouragement. It just blows my mind. He came into town yesterday and somehow my health crap came up (it's basically on my mind every waking moment, I can't help it)...eventually I ended up telling him that I'm actually really scared for my appointment. First he acknowledged my feelings, because I guess I'm not that good at hiding some of them. Then he told me that he was planning on getting up early and taking his workout class before work on Thursday (it's usually post-workday) so he could come in and be with me, because he knew it would be a hard day for me.
What the fuck? What.the.actual.fuck?! How does this guy even exist?! I still kind of can't believe it. It's funny how life works out sometimes. I've "known" him for a long time...just kind of met, said a few words, probably wouldn't even recognize him if I saw him on the street. But timing really is everything. Whether things work out and go long-term or not, this was the right time for our paths to cross.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Free
"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."
So true. I was angry and pouty for a bit about Soldier, and still slightly lukewarm (but trying) on Tee. But I was really trying. We kept spending time together, I've been to some of his family functions (not a huge thing since our families are already friends). Even with being kind of unsure, I've enjoyed spending time with him, and missed him when I didn't get to see him for a while.
Before going out to see him one day, my mom was talking to me and I was rolling my eyes, getting tired of hearing the same thing about how I should forget about Soldier. I started to say as much, but she stopped me and told me to just listen. She told me that she understood. When she met my dad, she'd just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and wasn't interested in getting to know or care about anyone else. She kept going out with my dad, and it ended up being the best decision of her life. (And, you know, I'm pretty fond of that decision too)
It kind of made me feel better that she said that. Maybe I'm not so weird after all. Alright fine I know I am. Anyway it was kind of nice to know that other people have struggled with this sort of situation, and maybe that was kind of the catalyst for what happened on Friday.
I was singing at a Catholic wedding. It's interesting to watch the couple while the readings and such are going on...a lot of them sit like nervous stones. These two held hands the entire time, and the groom stroked the bride's hand. I was watching it thinking it was very sweet, and then a sudden thought popped up into my head: that's what Tee would do. And then it kind of seemed like I just calmed down. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all about "oh I'm so in love" and all that crap.
But I definitely feel better and more comfortable. I'm genuinely enjoying our time together, worrying less, and not really even thinking about Soldier. A couple of his extended family members have also called me his girlfriend a few times and it really hasn't bothered me. I think I'm good with the idea of it now.
Today he sent me flowers, because he knows I haven't been feeling very well and he thought I could use a nice surprise. But more important than that was what he said after I thanked him profusely...he told me not to let the rough days get me down...that he knows it's tough but here's there for me. That means a whole lot more than the stuff, especially with the health issues starting again.
I'm so glad I've gotten over my stupidity. How could I possibly let this guy go? Well, for the time being I can't. And I'm really glad about it; I think it's about damn time for me to open up and really be with someone again. Apparently my coworkers think so too! Why does everyone know what's best for me before I figure it out?!
So true. I was angry and pouty for a bit about Soldier, and still slightly lukewarm (but trying) on Tee. But I was really trying. We kept spending time together, I've been to some of his family functions (not a huge thing since our families are already friends). Even with being kind of unsure, I've enjoyed spending time with him, and missed him when I didn't get to see him for a while.
Before going out to see him one day, my mom was talking to me and I was rolling my eyes, getting tired of hearing the same thing about how I should forget about Soldier. I started to say as much, but she stopped me and told me to just listen. She told me that she understood. When she met my dad, she'd just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and wasn't interested in getting to know or care about anyone else. She kept going out with my dad, and it ended up being the best decision of her life. (And, you know, I'm pretty fond of that decision too)
It kind of made me feel better that she said that. Maybe I'm not so weird after all. Alright fine I know I am. Anyway it was kind of nice to know that other people have struggled with this sort of situation, and maybe that was kind of the catalyst for what happened on Friday.
I was singing at a Catholic wedding. It's interesting to watch the couple while the readings and such are going on...a lot of them sit like nervous stones. These two held hands the entire time, and the groom stroked the bride's hand. I was watching it thinking it was very sweet, and then a sudden thought popped up into my head: that's what Tee would do. And then it kind of seemed like I just calmed down. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all about "oh I'm so in love" and all that crap.
But I definitely feel better and more comfortable. I'm genuinely enjoying our time together, worrying less, and not really even thinking about Soldier. A couple of his extended family members have also called me his girlfriend a few times and it really hasn't bothered me. I think I'm good with the idea of it now.
Today he sent me flowers, because he knows I haven't been feeling very well and he thought I could use a nice surprise. But more important than that was what he said after I thanked him profusely...he told me not to let the rough days get me down...that he knows it's tough but here's there for me. That means a whole lot more than the stuff, especially with the health issues starting again.
I'm so glad I've gotten over my stupidity. How could I possibly let this guy go? Well, for the time being I can't. And I'm really glad about it; I think it's about damn time for me to open up and really be with someone again. Apparently my coworkers think so too! Why does everyone know what's best for me before I figure it out?!
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