Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Free

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."

So true. I was angry and pouty for a bit about Soldier, and still slightly lukewarm (but trying) on Tee. But I was really trying. We kept spending time together, I've been to some of his family functions (not a huge thing since our families are already friends). Even with being kind of unsure, I've enjoyed spending time with him, and missed him when I didn't get to see him for a while. 

Before going out to see him one day, my mom was talking to me and I was rolling my eyes, getting tired of hearing the same thing about how I should forget about Soldier. I started to say as much, but she stopped me and told me to just listen. She told me that she understood. When she met my dad, she'd just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and wasn't interested in getting to know or care about anyone else. She kept going out with my dad, and it ended up being the best decision of her life. (And, you know, I'm pretty fond of that decision too) 
It kind of made me feel better that she said that. Maybe I'm not so weird after all. Alright fine I know I am. Anyway it was kind of nice to know that other people have struggled with this sort of situation, and maybe that was kind of the catalyst for what happened on Friday. 

I was singing at a Catholic wedding. It's interesting to watch the couple while the readings and such are going on...a lot of them sit like nervous stones. These two held hands the entire time, and the groom stroked the bride's hand. I was watching it thinking it was very sweet, and then a sudden thought popped up into my head: that's what Tee would do. And then it kind of seemed like I just calmed down. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all about "oh I'm so in love" and all that crap. 
But I definitely feel better and more comfortable. I'm genuinely enjoying our time together, worrying less, and not really even thinking about Soldier. A couple of his extended family members have also called me his girlfriend a few times and it really hasn't bothered me. I think I'm good with the idea of it now. 

Today he sent me flowers, because he knows I haven't been feeling very well and he thought I could use a nice surprise. But more important than that was what he said after I thanked him profusely...he told me not to let the rough days get me down...that he knows it's tough but here's there for me. That means a whole lot more than the stuff, especially with the health issues starting again.
I'm so glad I've gotten over my stupidity. How could I possibly let this guy go? Well, for the time being I can't. And I'm really glad about it; I think it's about damn time for me to open up and really be with someone again. Apparently my coworkers think so too! Why does everyone know what's best for me before I figure it out?!


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