Good Decisions

Because sometimes you have to act like an adult

My guilt finally got to me. Maybe it wasn't really guilt, though. The other night, Soldier invited me over for a bonfire. I didn't expect how many people were going to be there, because he always says "we" when he invites me for stuff like that. 
When I saw all the cars, I thought for a split second about just continuing to drive. In particular, I saw Hermes car and wasn't sure I wanted to deal with that. I stopped anyway. 

Harry and Ginny were there, Hermes, Soldier's brother and sister-in-law, two other friends, and Soldier's parents. It was great to see them all. I'm usually okay when I'm just hanging out with Soldier, but I have a hard time when it's in the group. I get this overwhelming feeling that this is how it's supposed to be, that this is right and it's where I'm supposed to be. 
I stayed for a few hours; longer than I'd meant to. I didn't even talk to Soldier a whole lot that night. 

The next night Tee and I went out with a couple of my friends. 
Side bar! We first went hunting for a picnic basket for a housewarming party this weekend. The party was set up about a month ago, so we had ample time...ended up going to 4 or 5 different stores: nothing. So I ordered one offline and paid extra for faster shipping. Bitch cancelled the party today because the husband gave her the choice of having the party or going on a mini-vacation. What the shit? 
All I could think of (well, it's been my go to response for a lot of things lately) is the classy little boy from School of Rock saying "You're tacky and I hate you" (Bad quality, but it gets the point across). My friends are obviously better.
We started at a brewery and moved on to a dueling piano bar (if you've never been to one, you should...they're a blast). We had a good time, and I stayed at Tee's house that night. He's very sweet. 

With that, and with the feels that I felt at Soldier's bonfire, I finally figured it was time to come clean. I let him know that I have been seeing someone, but that I sometimes miss what (I thought) we'd had. I told him I needed to know that we'd never be back to that place. He said he didn't think we would, and that he'd rather we don't see each other anymore if I'm seeing someone. I agreed that this was the other reason I brought it up. I also (would you expect any less?) made a slightly snide comment along the lines of "at least someone thinks I'm worth something." I then got a half-novel about how great I am, but he can't make himself love me, but I'm one hell of a woman. I suppose I should have expected it from him. I told him I didn't want to hear that crap.

Maybe it's ungrateful, but I hate that. Don't tell me how great I am, up to a point. Don't tell me how you care about me but you just don't care quite enough. But...I did ask. I suppose I have to appreciate the honesty; he could have lied so I would have kept getting together with him. 

So that's it with Soldier, at least for now. I'm determined to focus on the good things about Tee, and how much he cares and how well he treats me. I guess that's a start at least.