The Dobler-Dahmer Theory

From "How I Met Your Mother" 
Overview: A fine line between love and insanity. If both people are into each other, then a big romantic gesture works: Dobler. If one person isn’t into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy: Dahmer.

Practical Origin: The Theory was used as a reference to Lloyd Dobler from the late 1980’s romantic comedy film, Say Anything, holding up the boom box outside Dianne Court’s window. While the Dahmer is a reference to serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer.

I think I've mentioned before that I'm not really a romantic. I mean, I love the idea of it...I just don't think it entirely translates to real life. To me, that's why you watch movies. The Hollywood idea of love and romance is wonderful, but real life is so much messier and confusing. So, anyway, I love the idea of it. I don't seem to really date overly romantic guys, and I really don't date the guys who are romantic. It spooks me. 

Pause. I'm super lonely right now. I was with Lindbergh tonight and had quite a bit of wine, and I'm also very tired. A bit of catching up is in order. So I had the cankle, then stayed in bed for about 3 days straight, and this week was really rough. I was still stressing, still trying to act normal, but also still being overly paranoid about every tiny thing with my body. I went back to my doctor yesterday and she gave me the okay that things are normal again. It was a blot clot, but caught before it got bad. But, things have just been so scary and kind of a whirlwind and it's worse when you don't have someone to deal with you. I just got back from seeing Lindbergh...I felt more alone with him than I do when I'm actually alone. Wow, that's melodramatic. Alright, back to the story. 

There's a guy I went to high school with that thinks I'm wonderful. What's kind of odd is that I really don't know him--we didn't really talk in high school and haven't really since then. I've run into him once or twice but we didn't talk then either. Every once in a while I'll get a random declaration of love or a couple of paragraphs on how classic and amazing I am. It's very, very sweet, but it's also very, very overwhelming. INCREDIBLY overwhelming. Slightly terrifying. You can't be in love with someone you don't know. It's not logical. Short version of that one. 

The other day I got a message on the facebook from a guy I knew in college. He reminds me a bit of Jersey Shore so his alias can be Situation. 

Pause. Let's put that in a time frame: I left my college town in summer 2009. I'd been dating a guy for almost a year by then. Situation and I, truth be told, had one ill thought out night together. (Ill thought out on my part...I didn't realize the repercussions). So the most recent possible date of this tryst is sometime in 2008. SIX years ago. 

And we're back. So I get this message, and he tells me how amazing the pictures from Paris look and asks how the trip was. That's harmless enough, so I answered. He requested I take him on my next trip and (with a roll of the eyes, of course) I said I wanted to go back for Bastille Day. Oh, he got all excited about it. So he tells me we should just go, and surprise my sister. Uh, yeah, no. That's not happening...for so many reasons. SO many reasons. So then he randomly jumps to this: "Oh the answer is yes to the first thing.... well if that was you saying you would like to go out to dinner with me. I am saying yes." 
...wh...I...what just happened...I...what?! 
Seriously. I was completely blindsided. Sat staring at it like an idiot because it was so asinine. So finally I reminded him that we still don't like in the same state. Because, you know, that's kind of important. So he tells me we could meet up for a weekend in Minneapolis, all expenses paid. Then he starts telling me again how wonderful I am and that I still give him butterflies (uh, you might want to get that checked out at this point). 
And I frantically tried to think of a reason to stop talking. 

So, I could probably be some sort of social-scientific study. Or maybe it's not that abnormal, I dunno. Besides that, I do know that Situation's family is loaded...so if I really wanted to be a trophy wife I could take that offer. Maybe I'm not as shallow as I seem. (Does that sentence even make sense? Whatever!) 
On the reverse side, if I was interested in either of these guys I would love all the flowery language and compliments. It's weird and doesn't make sense. I guess I don't really make sense. So until I figure that out I guess I'll just keep holding out for Henry Cavill.