196 Books: Ghana

 Journey by G.A. Agambila 

We visited Ghana for this book:

And summary:

Journey is an absorbing exploration of reality in contemporary Ghana, juxtaposing tradition and modernity, wise old age and frivolous youth, north and south; male and female. This book and its author will help re-define the national literary landscape as well as re-examine aspects of Ghanaian life easily taken for granted.

So, the summary explains almost nothing about the actual storyline, but something about it caught me. I think there's constantly a struggle between the opposites: older and younger generations, different personalities, men and women. And in this case, that includes the "old ways" and the ways adopted after colonialism, as well as a group of Gods versus the Christian singular God.

The book follows Amoah (I think he's about 16?) as he finishes up secondary (boarding) school, visits home for a short time, and then heads off to the big city to work and save up for university. There's a lot of question of what to do about life, about growing up, about trying to make it and take care of your loved ones. And also a lot of male chauvinism and teenage boys wanting to have sex. That got old pretty quickly, but maybe it's because I've never been a teenage boy. ::shrug::

When Amoah is with his family in the country, who are set in the "old" ways, their conversations consisted of mostly parables. It seemed kind of guarded, which was a bit sad. The speech also switched between "regular" English and Ebonics (not sure if this is the term used throughout the world or just in the US). I had somewhat of a difficult time with the Ebonics; a lot of it I could kind of say out loud and get the meaning, but some just went beyond me. 

One portion I really liked was, "But the past is like a loved one who has died. You can't bring her back to life. You must manage your house now the best way you can."  I've been trying to remind myself lately that replaying things in the past, playing the What If game, and missing parts of your life that are gone is all a waste of time. None of it matters or can be brought back. We have to do the best with what we have now. 

I also really liked the ending. For all the crassness of earlier in the book, he finally gets with a girl at the end, and it's very sweet. The author tells it in words of climbing a mountain, making a journey together. And after a few pretty bad things happen to Amoah, I liked the tenderness of them coming together. 

196 Books: Germany

 Visitation by Jenny Erpenbeck

It's kinda hard to miss Germany:

Here's the summary:

By the side of a lake in Brandenburg, a young architect builds the house of his dreams - a summerhouse with wrought-iron balconies, stained-glass windows the colour of jewels, and a bedroom with a hidden closet, all set within a beautiful garden. But the land on which he builds has a dark history of violence that began with the drowning of a young woman in the grip of madness and that grows darker still over the course of the century: the Jewish neighbours disappear one by one; the Red Army requisitions the house, burning the furniture and trampling the garden; a young East German attempts to swim his way to freedom in the West; a couple return from brutal exile in Siberia and leave the house to their granddaughter, who is forced to relinquish her claim upon it and sell to new owners intent upon demolition. Reaching far into the past, and recovering what was lost and what was buried, Jenny Erpenbeck tells a story both beautiful and brutal, about the things that haunt a home.

Before we get started on the book, can we all just take a minute to do a happy dance for America? And then raise up a middle finger to Trump? Great, thanks. 

I read another synopsis of the book that said the author's grandparents owned this house at one point. I couldn't find anything that corroborated that, but it's a really interesting detail if it's true. (I almost just typed "troo" wtf?!). Seeing that in retrospect made me wonder (again, if it's true) which characters her grandparents were. 

One of my favorite parts of reading each book is picturing the area, characters, and story as I'm reading it. For some reason I had a hard time getting an image in my head for this one. I would imagine basically a pond, but then it would talk about how big this lake is and diving for crabs and fishing, so that obviously was wrong. Then I would picture something like Lake Michigan, which is probably way too big. The really stupid thing is I grew up near a mid-size lake and would go to a park there in the summer, and my in-laws live on a different mid-size lake. They're not uncommon, so I have no idea why my stupid brain couldn't get it. 

One of the biggest things that caught me in this one was the whole requisitioning thing. From what I gathered, (full disclosure: I did ZERO research into this), people would be shipped out or leave during WWII and after the war, Russia just kind of took the homes and gave them to other people. So later on the original owners, if they turned back up, would have to petition to get it back. Which is messed up, especially because people left their homes because they were shipped off to concentration camps or were afraid enough for their lives. (As you know I'm pretty fascinated by the WWII era, and I've lately been reading some stories set in Germany at the time. This one didn't go into any deep detail, but it was still an interesting perspective).

There were low points in the house's history (suicide and rape) and high points (growing families, beautiful summer vacations). By the end of the book the house has fallen into disrepair. 

It made me think of my parents' house. My dad and grandpa built the house and my parents have lived there for over 30 years. My family has so much history there, but someday it'll be sold to another family and eventually another and another, and they'll all make their own memories and history there. It does make me a little sad to think about. 

So I still don't know if the author actually had any ties to this house, but I'd like to think so. I like the books that have personal ties to the story. And I like the idea of thinking about all the families that live in one house. This is making me feel like I should call my parents. 

196 Books: Georgia

 A Man Was Going Down the Road by Otar Chiladze

We're talking about the country, not the state:

We're also talking about the synopsis:

Set in Vani, the semi-legendary capital of Colchis (as western Georgia was called in antiquity), Otar Chiladze’s first novel of 1972 explores the Georgian ramifications of the myth of Jason, the Golden Fleece and Medea, weaving his own inventions with Greek myth and history. (Daedalus and Icarus, as well as King Minos play a part in the story, too.) At the same time, the novel explores very modern predicaments of the idealist who unwittingly destroys his family. The mythical Greek intervention in Colchis is subtly told by Chiladze as an allegory of Russia’s and the Soviet Union’s subversion and conquest of Georgia.

When I picked this book I knew it was going to take me forever to read. While I do enjoy mythology, it can get a little dense and confuse my pretty little head. The book was also about twice as long as the other country books I've been reading lately. I've also been having a bit of a hard time with some anxiety/depression issues (honestly, who hasn't lately) which has made pretty much everything a struggle. (Also, if you don't live in America, check on your American friends. Shit is terrifying and insane over here.)

Ok. On to it. Even with the mythology and setting in ancient times, this was a relatively easy read. I did like where I could pick up on the myths or know enough that I could then go look more into the story. A lot of the characters were also surprisingly relatable, while others were more exaggerated. 

I also liked how it was kind of a few different stories in one. It would follow one family for a while, with some more in-depth sections for certain characters, and then it would move on to a different story and family. I also liked how he weaved the mythology into a bigger story, and then related it to more modern times. (Omg. Does anyone else find it hard to grasp that the 1970s were 50 years ago?!) Although I will say it didn't convey the terror and pressure of an invading army as well as some of the other books I've read. There's one character who ends up informing on a family member, but he's kind of set up as a selfish, bitter opportunist throughout the story. There's a soliloquy of him justifying his actions, but I really didn't get the sense that he felt like he had no choice. Maybe because of how his character had been set up. 

I guess, although I enjoyed the book, I didn't get really into it. It was just kind of fine. 

Can You Love Your Cat TOO Much?

 Asking for a friend.

Well, here we are, friends. In the continued hellscape that is 2020, I've found my cat to be one of the few things that bring me joy. The fact that I love my cat so much is great...the fact that everything else is garbage is not. Honestly, though, how could you not love this beautiful derp?

Okay. Now that we've had a positive starter, let's get into it. Because there is A LOT to get into. 

POLITICS

Yes, politics, the endless source of anxiety and anger for every American nowadays. And, rest of the world, are you laughing at us, pitying us, or just cringing at the shitshow? Seriously, what in the actual fuck is going on? I knew that Trump wouldn't concede if he lost, but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I mean, you guys all know that I am absolutely not a fan of him and I'm even more baffled now as to how anyone could support him. I stopped reading the news months ago because it was just more and more depressing. Scrolling through Facebook isn't much better (especially because I always make the STUPID mistake of reading the comments). And I'm worried, because what happens on January 20 if he's still refusing? What if he finds a Secretary of Defense who's willing to put the force of the military behind him? Maybe it's needless concern, but at this point I don't think you can put anything past him. And all the hullabaloo about the election being rigged or fraudulent? Come on. Voting from my home was the best thing I could do, because it gave me the chance to actually look up each candidate as I was looking at the ballot. But somehow the fact that we're in the middle of a devastating pandemic shouldn't have changed anything. Which brings me to...

COVID

I'm not even sure I can accurately express my feelings on this one. But mostly, those feelings are terror and frustration. I worked in a hospital at the beginning of this, and during the first set of lockdowns. I listened to the doctors and nurses talk about what was happening to the COVID patients. I saw them get rundown by all the PPE, by the amount of time trying to get everything possible done in one room (and other patients needing them while being stuck in that room), by the fear of catching the virus and taking it home to their families, by the frustration of staffing shortages and constantly changing policies. And I saw the strain on resources: shortages of PPE and cleaning products, reducing some rooms from two patients to one, attempting to consolidate COVID patients to specific units or areas, and low morale. 

I realize when you talk about lockdowns, it becomes political. What I don't understand is the aversion (really, toddler-like tantrums) to mask wearing and social distancing. It's so hard that the lockdown option (hopefully) saves lives and the hospitals, but it trashes the economy and the businesses that get shut down. I try to be understanding to the people making these decisions because I don't think there is a good option right now. 

MY MISERY

On top of the COVID frustrations that everyone is feeling, I have an extra layer with my autoimmune disease. Any time I leave the house (which for months has only to go grocery shopping or get takeout), have severe anxiety. I don't want to be near anyone. I miss my family but I'm afraid to visit. The only jobs I'm looking at (which is a whole other thing) are work from home. And I just wish there was something that would help ease it all. I want to work out till I feel better. Eat until I feel better. Shop until I feel better. Draw until I feel better. Bake until I feel better. Sleep until I feel better. Just SOMETHING, until I feel better. I even considered stopping my infusions that suppress my immune system; I'm not even sure if it would make a difference, and my body just gets too bad to stop. Then you see all these people basically saying your life is expendable to save the economy and a more convenient way of life, and it's pretty disheartening. It's a hard position to be in. 

The extra (extra extra?) layer of concern to this year was moving. Each time we've moved (and I may have written about this already), I lose all self confidence. That's not ideal for job-searching. The first issue is I blank on what I want to do. What kind of job would I like? What's going to give me a sense of purpose? Have I ever enjoyed doing anything? Then, when I come up with something that might be good, I look at job descriptions and feel like I'm completely useless, that I have no skills, and that nobody should ever hire me to do anything. Which, of course, I logically know isn't true. Unfortunately logic doesn't help much in this case. 

Harumph. I'm now trying to come up with a somewhat positive way to end this. I guess the positive side is that Soldier is very supportive (in his weird way). He gets the brunt of my frustrations and anger and patiently accepts my apologies for the mood swings. He doesn't put pressure on me to start working again. He goes along with every meal, bake, or hobby I want to try. 

With all that, it seems that maybe thigs aren't so awful after all. 

196 Books: The Gambia

 Reading the Ceiling by Dayo Forster

The Gambia is this little sliver inside Senegal (what's with Africa putting countries inside other countries?)

Here's the summary:

Ayodele has just turned eighteen and has decided, having now reached womanhood, that the time is right to lose her virginity. She's drawn up a shortlist: Reuben, the failsafe; Yuan, a long-admired schoolfriend; Frederick Adams, the 42-year-old, soon-to-be-pot-bellied father of her best friend. What she doesn't know is that her choice of suitor will have a drastic effect on the rest of her life. Three men. Three paths. One will send Ayodele to Europe, to university and to a very different life - but it will be a voyage strewn with heartache. Another will send her around the globe on an epic journey, transforming her beyond recognition but at the cost of an almost unbearable loss. And another will see her remain in Africa, a wife and mother caught in a polygamous marriage. Each will change her irrevocably - but which will she choose?

Oh my word. I was really excited at the prospect of this story, and it absolutely did not disappoint! Firstly I loved the idea that this girl has come at sex in such a pragmatic way. She's taking control of her body and life, despite what she's told is proper (it's set in the 80s, so of course women's most important attribute is their virginity...severe eye roll.) 

The other part I was excited about was that each choice gives her a different life. And the book was set up that way--each option had its own section that described how her life went. And isn't that such an interesting thought--if I'd done this or that differently, would it have changed how my life is now?

Lastly, the book made me feel SO MANY THINGS. In one of the sections, (SPOILER) she dates the person she had sex with and he ends up dying. She is so consumed in her grief that it broke my heart, and I had to put the book away. I know that if something happened to Soldier, I would be absolutely d.e.v.a.s.t.a.t.e.d. That was hard to type. But yeah, she takes a long time to get back to "okay" and has a quandary: she can't stay where she is because that's where they lived together, and she can't go home because there are too many memories. I've thought of what I would do in that situation, and it's true, you would almost have to go somewhere completely different to start a completely new life. 

I want to go over a couple of passages that really resonated with me. 

"I must have chosen this path in little steps, I have been so afraid of the harm I could do to a single other person. Harm was done to me too. Is that how it goes? The hurt yo-yoing from person to person until it loses its bounces and then stays in that last person-still and immovable." You hear it over and over: "hurt people hurt people." But this is such a thoughtful way of describing it. In this case she kind of shuts herself off from other people getting close, but in many other cases harm is intentionally (or unknowingly; the person thinking it's normal) done to others. 

"This constant following of the perfect life leads to wants that cannot be satisfied, like a mamiwata (mermaid) longing for life with legs on land, when all of the ocean is open to her, free to swim in, free to claim." I've felt this more or less over the years, but it's so strong now. I flounder each time we move, not knowing what to do with myself and my life. Especially now with covid running rampant and being afraid to leave the house. And, I dunno, most of the time it feels like if I could just get a specific thing, go to a specific place, or achieve something specific, then I'd be good. It's the perpetual striving for more. Anyway, once you get that thing, guess what? Nothing's different. Well now it got depressing again. 

Anyway (do I always start my closing with "anyway"?) this was a really great book. It was almost like 3 stories in one, with the same cast of characters and tone. I'm glad it was so good, because DiploSister's last residence was in The Gambia so it held a bit of a special place. Ok. Onward and upward!

196 Books: Gabon

 Between Man and Beast by Monte Reel

Gabon is in Africa:

And here's the summary:

In 1856, Paul Du Chaillu ventured into the African jungle in search of a mythic beast, the gorilla. After wild encounters with vicious cannibals, deadly snakes, and tribal kings, Du Chaillu emerged with 20 preserved gorilla skins—two of which were stuffed and brought on tour—and walked smack dab into the biggest scientific debate of the time: Darwin's theory of evolution. Quickly, Du Chaillu's trophies went from objects of wonder to key pieces in an all-out intellectual war. With a wide range of characters, including Abraham Lincoln, Arthur Conan Doyle, P.T Barnum, Thackeray, and of course, Charles Darwin, this is a one of a kind book about a singular moment in history.

The most important part (for my purposes) about this book, and a bit of a bummer, was that most of it was not set in Gabon. I imagined there would be large descriptions of his time in the jungle. Of course, that was in there, but it was more about the man and the scientific debate. 

However, that didn't make it less interesting. The one thing that stands the test of time? People suck. Just overall. You had Du Chaillu, who was killing and stuffing animals right and left for the sake of science, other adventurers and explorers who wanted to undermine Du Chaillu to prop themselves up, and of course the HUGE amount of people who believed that people of color were "less than." This actually came into play as Du Chaillu's heritage was questioned (it turns out he was half African, half French, but he never 'fessed up to it). There was also classism and just a whole bunch of egotistical jerks. Not to mention the religious zealots. Apparently they decided that the day of creation "occurred on October 22 in 4004 B.C." So...is that the creation of man, or just creation in general? Because if it's general, I'm curious what was going on for the 4000 years before that. 

But it's sad, really. This guy decided he was going to explore in the interior of Africa and discovered all this new stuff. So many people didn't want to believe he'd really done it, or that he was exaggerating, and didn't want to accept his incredible findings. Then when he decided to go back and prove it, the natives turned on him (understandably really, he accidentally brought smallpox). I wonder what it would be like to explore an area completely untouched by modern civilization. Terrifying and amazing. Can you tell I'm sorely missing travel and adventure? 

Du Chaillu wrote a book about his exploration, and I almost wish I'd read that one instead. Maybe someday. Until I can go places again, maybe I'll do some of those virtual museum tours. 

196 Books: France

 The Confidant by Helene Gremillon 

I'm assuming most of you know where France is, but anyway:

I'm assuming you don't already know the summary:

Paris, 1975. While sifting through condolence letters after her mother's death, Camille finds a long, handwritten missive that she assumes came by mistake. But every Tuesday brings another installment from a stranger named Louis, a man separated from his first love, Annie, in the years before World War II. In his tale, Annie falls victim to the merciless plot of a wealthy, barren couple just as German troops arrive in Paris. But also awaiting Camille's discovery is the other side of the story - one that calls into question Annie's innocence and reveals the devastating consequences of revenge. As Camille reads on, she realizes that her own life may be the next chapter in this tragic story.

Here's your warning that this is going to be full of spoilers. 

I had a hard time putting this one down. It went back and forth between Camille's narration and the letters she receives, and the different sections had different font, so it was really easy to tell which was which. The backstory (if you want to call it that) is obviously super weird and basically everyone involved is very manipulative. 

This rich couple that Annie meets can't have children, which back in the 40s was a much bigger deal. So in one account the wife asks Annie to have the child for them, and in the other account Annie offers. But either way, the gist of it is Annie is going to have sex with the husband and hopefully get pregnant. I just...wtf. Look, I get it. Or maybe I don't; my desire to have children would never lead to me asking my husband to have sex with someone else. That's messed up. So in the initial encounter they go off into a room but he actually refuses to do it. But somewhere along there (it wasn't really explained how), they end up falling in love and keep having trysts. Not actually having sex though, so she won't get pregnant and they can keep meeting. Of course he gets drafted into the war and Annie does end up pregnant. Then Annie and the wife run off to Paris for the pregnancy, but they each become more suspicious and hateful of each other as time passes. Shortly after the baby is born, the wife kicks Annie out. She finds out later that Annie is always lurking around though, keeping her distance but watching the child. Eventually it seems like Annie commits suicide, but then at the end it kinda sounds like she didn't. Not really sure about that. 

So on the other end we have Camille. Shortly before her mother's death, Camille finds out she's pregnant and is trying to figure out what to do, as she doesn't think her boyfriend will be on board. She ultimately decides she's going to keep it because, "Abortion may claim to rescue women from the slavery of motherhood, but it imposes another form of slavery: guilt." Which, ugh, made me roll my eyes hard. It's one of the classic "pro-life" (more like pro-fetus) arguments: every single woman who has ever had an abortion regrets it and spends the rest of her life plagued with guilt. 

Anyway, Camille wrestles with her pregnancy and finding out that her mother wasn't really her mother. But it didn't ultimately say if she's going searching for her real mother (who, tbh, might be dead...still not sure). Also, the ending was super weird: Camille is out by this lake and a random plane lands and she takes a ride in it. And there's some light. It probably means something that I'm not deep enough to understand. 

Anyway, great book overall. It kept me on the edge of my seat!