196 Books: Grenada

 The Grenada Revolution: What Really Happened? by Bernard Coard

Here's Grenada with some reference points:

Here's the summary:

Finally, the inside story: honest, self-critical, and based on a wealth of credible and independent documentation. Bernard Coard reveals in dramatic detail the factors, forces and personalities which cumulatively led to deepening crisis within the Grenada Revolution and ultimately to wholesale tragedy. Bernard Coard, United States and British trained economist and university lecturer, played a leading role in the NJM and in the People’s Revolutionary Government of Grenada. His experience, including 26 years as a political prisoner, offers a unique insight into the causes, course, and finally the implosion of the Revolution.

A couple of quick notes before I get into the actual book... 

(About the map): Grenada is the little island with the two arrows pointing towards it. The book made it seem like Cuba was basically next door. I'm not great at Caribbean geography, but it makes Grenada's close friendship with Cuba a bit weirder. 

(About the summary): Maybe I just misread it, but the book says NOTHING about Coard having been a political prisoner for 26 years. Although I believe this is book 1 of 3 on the events so maybe it comes up in one of the others? Whatever. Rude. 

Ok. 

I was super excited about this book; I think I was expecting something along the lines of a political thriller. Guess what? Life is mostly not like that. The first half of the book was basically day-to-day running a country, trying to get social programs in place, working at bettering the economy and way of life for the country, trying to iron out the issues. Guess what else? It's not that interesting or exciting. Well, I'm sure it is for some people. I'm not one of them. 

BUT. 

The second half of the book really picked up for me. There was intrigue, back-stabbing, and foreign interference. Looking back at all the sections I highlighted, there's definitely a bigger shift in dynamic than I'd originally realized. So I guess all the day-to-day stuff is a bit more interesting in hindsight. With that, let's get into some of the highlights. 

Highlights regarding the US

"The United States strongly opposed any country in the Western Hemisphere having friendly relations with Cuba. Grenada on the other hand, insisted that no 'big country' had the right to dictate what we should do." Um, yes. Totally with Grenada on this one (and tbh, I stayed with them against the US for the whole book). Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! I hate the right-wing idea that the US is better than everyone else and gets the ultimate say in what everyone should be doing. 

"They highlighted for us a key passage in the US Army's Field Manual on Psychological Warfare which stated that "PEACE IS THE CONTINUATION OF WAR BY NON-MILITARY MEANS." Excuse me? We can't just...I dunno...leave people the fuck alone!? 

"There were three uncompromising demands [from the Reagan administration]: free elections must be held by the PRG right away, all detainees not charged must be released immediately, and Grenada's close relations with Cuba must end." So, again, the US thinks it can just push everyone else around. 

"..Reagan told the American people in nationwide broadcasts that Grenada was 'a threat to the National Security of the United States.' He used a map of Grenada and pointed to our Point Salines International Airport under construction, claiming it was a Soviet MIG-fighter base." So, this is after multiple experts had told Reagan that it was just an airport, no shady business. Despite the fact that Grenada is tiny. Despite the fact that it's really not close to the US. Just straight up lies because he didn't like what they were doing with their government. Can we stop electing celebrities to lead our country PLEASE?

Highlights regarding Cuba

"From henceforth, apparently, the Grenadian Revolution now had a 'Maximum Leader' model of decision-making decreed by Havana!" Another country deciding that their way is best and that's how everyone should do it. 

"A few months later, a shipment with some of the supplies [from Moscow] arrived from Cuba. We were informed that the rest, including all the 'heavy stuff' would be kept in Cuba 'for the time being.' This included those which would provide for our defence against naval and aerial bombardments. ...They would never arrive." I assume here that Cuba just decided they wanted the stuff and kept it, but it's still a dick move. And it makes it seem like Castro is at least trying to steer Grenada, if not setting it up to take the country over. 

Highlights regarding the Revolution

"When the revolution speaks, it must be heard, listened to. Whatever the Revolution decrees, must be obeyed; when the Revolution commands, it must be carried out..." Basically it's saying the revolution is more important than any one person. Party members got sick from being overworked and constantly complained that they couldn't do it, but were just told to figure it out and be more organized. Honestly this part sounds a bit culty to me. 

"Fitzy then joined the other Party members who criticized my resignation from the CC the previous year. ...he said, "When Comrade Coard resigned last year, I had openly called such a resignation counter-revolutionary." The Revolution is more important than the individual. You must stick with the Party, even if you don't think it's working. Even if you don't believe in it anymore. Even if it's killing you. 

"We all get wisdom from the collective wisdom of the Party." If they'd left off the Party, I would have been good with this. But again adding it in makes it sound a bit like a cult. 

"The unvarying rule of the Revolution and the People's Revolutionary Army has been that, once persons are unarmed, you do not open fire on them." SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

"I asked him what he understood 'Communism' to be. He said that he did not know, except that it was very, very bad." SOUNDS FAMILIAR.

Highlights regarding people

Though Maurice Bishop was the Prime Minister during the revolution, Bernard Coard was his right hand man and they mostly made decisions together, as well as a party-wide decision approval process. They'd known each other from the age of 12, lived next door to each other, and talked multiple times every day. One of the worst parts of this book was seeing the deterioration of such a close friendship, because of power and malicious intent. At the same time, they were so intent on the needs of the Revolution that the people element got somewhat lost. As time goes by, Bishop starts listening to people who are trying to gain more power for themselves, as well as being swayed by Castro, and starts making decisions single-handedly and selfishly. Bishop even starts a malicious and dangerous rumor that Coard and his wife are trying to kill him. By the end, Coard and his wife (also a prominent member of the party) decide they have no choice but to leave the country with their children.  

"Grenada was a small, poor, developing country. We were desperate to transform our society as quickly as possible. The timeframe in which we set our goals, and the expectations which we had unleashed in our people, were unrealistic." It's sad. They had such good intentions and really believed what they were doing. I've seen it with a lot of the books I've been reading-one dictator gets overthrown and another steps in. Ultimately it's the general populace who suffer. 

Though Coard did use lots of testimony and interviews, a lot of this was his point of view, so I was interested in what else was out there about this time. I read the Wikipedia entry (I know, not the most reliable source, but certainly the most convenient) and those details differ somewhat. The entry states that Coard intentionally overthrew Bishop and became Prime Minister. In the book the events leading up to Bishop's overthrow and murder (spoiler) are quite different, but the book also ends at that point. Coard puts much of the blame on the US infiltrating and starting shit, and some people in the Party as well as Castro telling Bishop what to do. I think I'm going to stick with giving more weight to the book. Moral: maybe don't read the Wikipedia page. 

196 Books: Greece

 Something Will Happen, You'll See by Christos Ikonomou

Here we have Greece:

Here we have the synopsis:

Ikonomou's stories convey the plight of those worst affected by the Greek economic crisis--laid-off workers, hungry children. In the urban sprawl between Athens and Piraeus, the narratives roam restlessly through the impoverished working-class quarters located off the tourist routes. Everyone is dreaming of escape: to the mountains, to an island or a palatial estate, into a Hans Christian Andersen story world. What are they fleeing? The old woes--gossip, watchful neighbors, the oppression and indifference of the rich--now made infinitely worse. In Ikonomou's concrete streets, the rain is always looming, the politicians' slogans are ignored, and the police remain a violent, threatening presence offstage. Yet even at the edge of destitution, his men and women act for themselves, trying to preserve what little solidarity remains in a deeply atomized society, and in one way or another finding their own voice. There is faith here, deep faith--though little or none in those who habitually ask for it.

It was obvious this was going to be a bleak read. Sometimes I could only read a little bit in a day because it left me feeling a little hopeless. Since it was more a series of short stories and not an overarching plot, there's not a lot I can describe on the book as a whole. You just see all of these families who are at the end of their ropes, trying to make it with no idea how to. But they keep on. I had a lot of passages that I highlighted in this one, so instead of going over the characters or plot, I'm going to touch on those. 

"things from the past are old wounds and if you scratch them they start bleeding and get infected and stink." This made me think of anxiety. Like how you said or did something stupid 10 years ago and your brain doesn't let you forget it, it just sits there and mocks you. And then all the moments of stupidity or embarrassment (that really don't matter at all) just pile up and make you feel worse. It's like a wound on your mind. 

"That's what real democracy is. When poor people don't wait for the rich to come and save them but take the situation into their own hands. Because that's how the trouble starts: with us thinking that the rich will ever help the poor. It just doesn't happen. We live in two separate worlds." This was pretty powerful. Here in America, this shows a lot in the Republican party. Not only are our social systems designed in a way to keep poor people poor, but so many people are convinced we can't afford better systems or things like universal healthcare, that having those things would encourage people to be lazy, and that bullshit like trickle down economics don't work. Not only are the rich people actively working against the poor people, the rich on top of that are convincing the poor that this is the best situation for them. And, side note: Kindle has a feature that will underline the most highlighted areas of a book. I underlined here what was in the book. But to me the second part was more poignant, and I was really surprised people didn't focus on the whole section. This quote also ties in with that: "In Europe people think being poor is a matter of bad luck. In America poverty is shameful. Can you bear to be poor and have to feel ashamed of it too?" There's an idea here that poor people just aren't working hard enough. I remember having a conversation with my dad years ago, my sister and I were trying to explain all of the circumstances that go into poverty and why it's so hard for people to get out. And he kind of stopped and went, "so what's the solution?" People who think poverty is a choice think there's one solution to it, but in reality the solution is different for each person. 

"Evil's victory is when it starts speaking your language." Again, anxiety, depression, self-deprecation. When those doubts and bad thoughts niggle in and you start believing them. 

"It's true, time is the worst healer. Time hardens people." You always hear "time heals all wounds." But nobody talks about how those wounds can scab over and scar. And when those wounds are emotional, it can harden you.

"Banks don't just take people's homes away. This isn't America." Does this not happen in other places? Are we really the only ones that foreclose? I mean, this country is truly run by corporations so it's plausible, but there has to be some sort of consequence when you don't pay your mortgage. Also...good burn. 

"Tonight I'm strangely agitated and I'm hearing everything not with my ears but with my heart." Maybe this just meant that the character was feeling especially sensitive, but I found it beautiful. 

"She'd always believed that there are two ways for a person to learn about herself and the world: by reading and by traveling." Ok I know I've said it over and over, but reading a book from each country has been such a journey. I'm not only learning about different people and places, but it's changing me and shaping my mind in a way. It's pretty remarkable. 

"Because we're living in the world but not with the world. For centuries now we've stopped living with the world." So I just finished listening to an audiobook called Braiding Sweetgrass (Robin Wall Kimmerer). She's a Botanist by trade but also a Native American. She talks about trying to have a relationship with the earth and nature while also working on the calculated scientific side. It's so remarkably beautiful (also she narrates the audiobook and has such a soothing voice that works perfectly with the content). It's a thinking of really living with the world and sharing the space instead of using everything up. So this quote really hit me. Also I can't recommend Braiding Sweetgrass enough.

"I can't buy back all the years that have passed but I can buy you a piece of tomorrow." This was another one that was so touching. A husband and wife are moving out of the country because their home is being taken by eminent domain. He's talking about buying a boat, something to look forward to. It's so sweet that he's trying to give her this hope that they'll get through it and it will get better. 

"Piece by piece they're taking my world away." This is from the same story as the above quote, and the end of the entire book. What a fucking way to end your book. There's sadness but also resignation in it. She can't stop it. It's a much less dramatic situation, but I felt this way when we were leaving Cleveland. Soldier was transferred and we didn't have a choice. Sell the house, quit my job, leave our new friends, and move to a place we didn't know and didn't want to be. It was very hard on me. I'm still bitter about it. It's debilitating to have huge life changes forced on you. That one sentence really could describe the entire book. 

Well I didn't think I had much to say about this book as a whole, but I changed my mind. These weren't people's actual stories, but they gave a real sense of melancholy and hopelessness from the economic collapse. None of these people could really control their own lives. I wasn't so sure I wanted to read something so disheartening, but I'm glad I did. He's got a way of taking big concepts and putting them into simple sentences, and putting you in the mood of the story.  

196 Books: Ghana

 Journey by G.A. Agambila 

We visited Ghana for this book:

And summary:

Journey is an absorbing exploration of reality in contemporary Ghana, juxtaposing tradition and modernity, wise old age and frivolous youth, north and south; male and female. This book and its author will help re-define the national literary landscape as well as re-examine aspects of Ghanaian life easily taken for granted.

So, the summary explains almost nothing about the actual storyline, but something about it caught me. I think there's constantly a struggle between the opposites: older and younger generations, different personalities, men and women. And in this case, that includes the "old ways" and the ways adopted after colonialism, as well as a group of Gods versus the Christian singular God.

The book follows Amoah (I think he's about 16?) as he finishes up secondary (boarding) school, visits home for a short time, and then heads off to the big city to work and save up for university. There's a lot of question of what to do about life, about growing up, about trying to make it and take care of your loved ones. And also a lot of male chauvinism and teenage boys wanting to have sex. That got old pretty quickly, but maybe it's because I've never been a teenage boy. ::shrug::

When Amoah is with his family in the country, who are set in the "old" ways, their conversations consisted of mostly parables. It seemed kind of guarded, which was a bit sad. The speech also switched between "regular" English and Ebonics (not sure if this is the term used throughout the world or just in the US). I had somewhat of a difficult time with the Ebonics; a lot of it I could kind of say out loud and get the meaning, but some just went beyond me. 

One portion I really liked was, "But the past is like a loved one who has died. You can't bring her back to life. You must manage your house now the best way you can."  I've been trying to remind myself lately that replaying things in the past, playing the What If game, and missing parts of your life that are gone is all a waste of time. None of it matters or can be brought back. We have to do the best with what we have now. 

I also really liked the ending. For all the crassness of earlier in the book, he finally gets with a girl at the end, and it's very sweet. The author tells it in words of climbing a mountain, making a journey together. And after a few pretty bad things happen to Amoah, I liked the tenderness of them coming together. 

196 Books: Germany

 Visitation by Jenny Erpenbeck

It's kinda hard to miss Germany:

Here's the summary:

By the side of a lake in Brandenburg, a young architect builds the house of his dreams - a summerhouse with wrought-iron balconies, stained-glass windows the colour of jewels, and a bedroom with a hidden closet, all set within a beautiful garden. But the land on which he builds has a dark history of violence that began with the drowning of a young woman in the grip of madness and that grows darker still over the course of the century: the Jewish neighbours disappear one by one; the Red Army requisitions the house, burning the furniture and trampling the garden; a young East German attempts to swim his way to freedom in the West; a couple return from brutal exile in Siberia and leave the house to their granddaughter, who is forced to relinquish her claim upon it and sell to new owners intent upon demolition. Reaching far into the past, and recovering what was lost and what was buried, Jenny Erpenbeck tells a story both beautiful and brutal, about the things that haunt a home.

Before we get started on the book, can we all just take a minute to do a happy dance for America? And then raise up a middle finger to Trump? Great, thanks. 

I read another synopsis of the book that said the author's grandparents owned this house at one point. I couldn't find anything that corroborated that, but it's a really interesting detail if it's true. (I almost just typed "troo" wtf?!). Seeing that in retrospect made me wonder (again, if it's true) which characters her grandparents were. 

One of my favorite parts of reading each book is picturing the area, characters, and story as I'm reading it. For some reason I had a hard time getting an image in my head for this one. I would imagine basically a pond, but then it would talk about how big this lake is and diving for crabs and fishing, so that obviously was wrong. Then I would picture something like Lake Michigan, which is probably way too big. The really stupid thing is I grew up near a mid-size lake and would go to a park there in the summer, and my in-laws live on a different mid-size lake. They're not uncommon, so I have no idea why my stupid brain couldn't get it. 

One of the biggest things that caught me in this one was the whole requisitioning thing. From what I gathered, (full disclosure: I did ZERO research into this), people would be shipped out or leave during WWII and after the war, Russia just kind of took the homes and gave them to other people. So later on the original owners, if they turned back up, would have to petition to get it back. Which is messed up, especially because people left their homes because they were shipped off to concentration camps or were afraid enough for their lives. (As you know I'm pretty fascinated by the WWII era, and I've lately been reading some stories set in Germany at the time. This one didn't go into any deep detail, but it was still an interesting perspective).

There were low points in the house's history (suicide and rape) and high points (growing families, beautiful summer vacations). By the end of the book the house has fallen into disrepair. 

It made me think of my parents' house. My dad and grandpa built the house and my parents have lived there for over 30 years. My family has so much history there, but someday it'll be sold to another family and eventually another and another, and they'll all make their own memories and history there. It does make me a little sad to think about. 

So I still don't know if the author actually had any ties to this house, but I'd like to think so. I like the books that have personal ties to the story. And I like the idea of thinking about all the families that live in one house. This is making me feel like I should call my parents. 

196 Books: Georgia

 A Man Was Going Down the Road by Otar Chiladze

We're talking about the country, not the state:

We're also talking about the synopsis:

Set in Vani, the semi-legendary capital of Colchis (as western Georgia was called in antiquity), Otar Chiladze’s first novel of 1972 explores the Georgian ramifications of the myth of Jason, the Golden Fleece and Medea, weaving his own inventions with Greek myth and history. (Daedalus and Icarus, as well as King Minos play a part in the story, too.) At the same time, the novel explores very modern predicaments of the idealist who unwittingly destroys his family. The mythical Greek intervention in Colchis is subtly told by Chiladze as an allegory of Russia’s and the Soviet Union’s subversion and conquest of Georgia.

When I picked this book I knew it was going to take me forever to read. While I do enjoy mythology, it can get a little dense and confuse my pretty little head. The book was also about twice as long as the other country books I've been reading lately. I've also been having a bit of a hard time with some anxiety/depression issues (honestly, who hasn't lately) which has made pretty much everything a struggle. (Also, if you don't live in America, check on your American friends. Shit is terrifying and insane over here.)

Ok. On to it. Even with the mythology and setting in ancient times, this was a relatively easy read. I did like where I could pick up on the myths or know enough that I could then go look more into the story. A lot of the characters were also surprisingly relatable, while others were more exaggerated. 

I also liked how it was kind of a few different stories in one. It would follow one family for a while, with some more in-depth sections for certain characters, and then it would move on to a different story and family. I also liked how he weaved the mythology into a bigger story, and then related it to more modern times. (Omg. Does anyone else find it hard to grasp that the 1970s were 50 years ago?!) Although I will say it didn't convey the terror and pressure of an invading army as well as some of the other books I've read. There's one character who ends up informing on a family member, but he's kind of set up as a selfish, bitter opportunist throughout the story. There's a soliloquy of him justifying his actions, but I really didn't get the sense that he felt like he had no choice. Maybe because of how his character had been set up. 

I guess, although I enjoyed the book, I didn't get really into it. It was just kind of fine. 

Can You Love Your Cat TOO Much?

 Asking for a friend.

Well, here we are, friends. In the continued hellscape that is 2020, I've found my cat to be one of the few things that bring me joy. The fact that I love my cat so much is great...the fact that everything else is garbage is not. Honestly, though, how could you not love this beautiful derp?

Okay. Now that we've had a positive starter, let's get into it. Because there is A LOT to get into. 

POLITICS

Yes, politics, the endless source of anxiety and anger for every American nowadays. And, rest of the world, are you laughing at us, pitying us, or just cringing at the shitshow? Seriously, what in the actual fuck is going on? I knew that Trump wouldn't concede if he lost, but I didn't imagine it would be this bad. I mean, you guys all know that I am absolutely not a fan of him and I'm even more baffled now as to how anyone could support him. I stopped reading the news months ago because it was just more and more depressing. Scrolling through Facebook isn't much better (especially because I always make the STUPID mistake of reading the comments). And I'm worried, because what happens on January 20 if he's still refusing? What if he finds a Secretary of Defense who's willing to put the force of the military behind him? Maybe it's needless concern, but at this point I don't think you can put anything past him. And all the hullabaloo about the election being rigged or fraudulent? Come on. Voting from my home was the best thing I could do, because it gave me the chance to actually look up each candidate as I was looking at the ballot. But somehow the fact that we're in the middle of a devastating pandemic shouldn't have changed anything. Which brings me to...

COVID

I'm not even sure I can accurately express my feelings on this one. But mostly, those feelings are terror and frustration. I worked in a hospital at the beginning of this, and during the first set of lockdowns. I listened to the doctors and nurses talk about what was happening to the COVID patients. I saw them get rundown by all the PPE, by the amount of time trying to get everything possible done in one room (and other patients needing them while being stuck in that room), by the fear of catching the virus and taking it home to their families, by the frustration of staffing shortages and constantly changing policies. And I saw the strain on resources: shortages of PPE and cleaning products, reducing some rooms from two patients to one, attempting to consolidate COVID patients to specific units or areas, and low morale. 

I realize when you talk about lockdowns, it becomes political. What I don't understand is the aversion (really, toddler-like tantrums) to mask wearing and social distancing. It's so hard that the lockdown option (hopefully) saves lives and the hospitals, but it trashes the economy and the businesses that get shut down. I try to be understanding to the people making these decisions because I don't think there is a good option right now. 

MY MISERY

On top of the COVID frustrations that everyone is feeling, I have an extra layer with my autoimmune disease. Any time I leave the house (which for months has only to go grocery shopping or get takeout), have severe anxiety. I don't want to be near anyone. I miss my family but I'm afraid to visit. The only jobs I'm looking at (which is a whole other thing) are work from home. And I just wish there was something that would help ease it all. I want to work out till I feel better. Eat until I feel better. Shop until I feel better. Draw until I feel better. Bake until I feel better. Sleep until I feel better. Just SOMETHING, until I feel better. I even considered stopping my infusions that suppress my immune system; I'm not even sure if it would make a difference, and my body just gets too bad to stop. Then you see all these people basically saying your life is expendable to save the economy and a more convenient way of life, and it's pretty disheartening. It's a hard position to be in. 

The extra (extra extra?) layer of concern to this year was moving. Each time we've moved (and I may have written about this already), I lose all self confidence. That's not ideal for job-searching. The first issue is I blank on what I want to do. What kind of job would I like? What's going to give me a sense of purpose? Have I ever enjoyed doing anything? Then, when I come up with something that might be good, I look at job descriptions and feel like I'm completely useless, that I have no skills, and that nobody should ever hire me to do anything. Which, of course, I logically know isn't true. Unfortunately logic doesn't help much in this case. 

Harumph. I'm now trying to come up with a somewhat positive way to end this. I guess the positive side is that Soldier is very supportive (in his weird way). He gets the brunt of my frustrations and anger and patiently accepts my apologies for the mood swings. He doesn't put pressure on me to start working again. He goes along with every meal, bake, or hobby I want to try. 

With all that, it seems that maybe thigs aren't so awful after all. 

196 Books: The Gambia

 Reading the Ceiling by Dayo Forster

The Gambia is this little sliver inside Senegal (what's with Africa putting countries inside other countries?)

Here's the summary:

Ayodele has just turned eighteen and has decided, having now reached womanhood, that the time is right to lose her virginity. She's drawn up a shortlist: Reuben, the failsafe; Yuan, a long-admired schoolfriend; Frederick Adams, the 42-year-old, soon-to-be-pot-bellied father of her best friend. What she doesn't know is that her choice of suitor will have a drastic effect on the rest of her life. Three men. Three paths. One will send Ayodele to Europe, to university and to a very different life - but it will be a voyage strewn with heartache. Another will send her around the globe on an epic journey, transforming her beyond recognition but at the cost of an almost unbearable loss. And another will see her remain in Africa, a wife and mother caught in a polygamous marriage. Each will change her irrevocably - but which will she choose?

Oh my word. I was really excited at the prospect of this story, and it absolutely did not disappoint! Firstly I loved the idea that this girl has come at sex in such a pragmatic way. She's taking control of her body and life, despite what she's told is proper (it's set in the 80s, so of course women's most important attribute is their virginity...severe eye roll.) 

The other part I was excited about was that each choice gives her a different life. And the book was set up that way--each option had its own section that described how her life went. And isn't that such an interesting thought--if I'd done this or that differently, would it have changed how my life is now?

Lastly, the book made me feel SO MANY THINGS. In one of the sections, (SPOILER) she dates the person she had sex with and he ends up dying. She is so consumed in her grief that it broke my heart, and I had to put the book away. I know that if something happened to Soldier, I would be absolutely d.e.v.a.s.t.a.t.e.d. That was hard to type. But yeah, she takes a long time to get back to "okay" and has a quandary: she can't stay where she is because that's where they lived together, and she can't go home because there are too many memories. I've thought of what I would do in that situation, and it's true, you would almost have to go somewhere completely different to start a completely new life. 

I want to go over a couple of passages that really resonated with me. 

"I must have chosen this path in little steps, I have been so afraid of the harm I could do to a single other person. Harm was done to me too. Is that how it goes? The hurt yo-yoing from person to person until it loses its bounces and then stays in that last person-still and immovable." You hear it over and over: "hurt people hurt people." But this is such a thoughtful way of describing it. In this case she kind of shuts herself off from other people getting close, but in many other cases harm is intentionally (or unknowingly; the person thinking it's normal) done to others. 

"This constant following of the perfect life leads to wants that cannot be satisfied, like a mamiwata (mermaid) longing for life with legs on land, when all of the ocean is open to her, free to swim in, free to claim." I've felt this more or less over the years, but it's so strong now. I flounder each time we move, not knowing what to do with myself and my life. Especially now with covid running rampant and being afraid to leave the house. And, I dunno, most of the time it feels like if I could just get a specific thing, go to a specific place, or achieve something specific, then I'd be good. It's the perpetual striving for more. Anyway, once you get that thing, guess what? Nothing's different. Well now it got depressing again. 

Anyway (do I always start my closing with "anyway"?) this was a really great book. It was almost like 3 stories in one, with the same cast of characters and tone. I'm glad it was so good, because DiploSister's last residence was in The Gambia so it held a bit of a special place. Ok. Onward and upward!