Team Laura

How can you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart?

Wow, I seem to have a fan club brewing. Truth be told, I’m not a super fan of the fan club. I used to be great at juggling guys, and it didn’t bother me. All’s fair in love and war, and all that. Now I just feel guilty about it. I think that’s partly to do with an increasing feeling of restlessness. I love my job, and I’m good at what I do (it’s a beautiful thing when the two cross over), and I’m relatively happy with things and I wish I had someone to share it with. The problem is I seriously hate dating, and I’m picky.

Alright so an update on things.

I’m still talking to Jonathan (albeit not as much as I’d prefer). I’m still really into him, but I hate feeling like I’m not entirely sure of his feelings. And I’ve never understood why, if you’re thinking of someone and care about them, it’s difficult to take a few seconds to send a quick text. (that’s not a direct criticism of Jonathan, I just have to say things as I’m thinking them or I’ll forget. And then the world will miss out on my witty lines and deep conversation!)

I’m starting to cool on Lindbergh a bit. I feel terrible about this, since it’s the same thing I did last time. But I’m not entirely sure what to do about it; there probably isn’t really anything I CAN do about it.

I got a long text from Cowboy last night. He’s been working in the mountains with no service, misses talking to me, and still wants me to come visit. He suggested a weekend; he picked it because he has a hockey tournament and would love to have me be there for the tournament.  Damn it! I’m a sucker for things like that. How can I possibly move on from this when he’s telling me he wants me to be there to watch him play hockey, and just that he wants me to be there in general? Oh, side note: hockey is the only sport I actually care about. So that’s a double-whammy. (Do people say that anymore? Double-whammy? It sounds stupid. Eh, it’s there now.)

I also got a text yesterday from, well I can't remember the name I gave him and I can't find it in my earlier posts, asking if I want to go to a costume party this weekend. Yes, I do, because I don’t think people throw nearly enough costume parties. But no, I don’t really want to go with him. I should probably just not.

AND, the coworker wants to hang out this weekend. I kind of put myself in this position though. I snapped at him the other day and told him I owed him for being epic-bitch-face. He suggested drinks and plans escalated to patronizing an “urban” bar/club. (Oh yeah, I had to ask what he meant by “urban” hahaha). Should be super interesting, especially since he told me that if he slaps me on the butt and kisses me on the mouth I should just roll with it. Well, here’s my solution, and (surprise!) it might not be the best one: fine. Just fine. We’ll go out, I’ll let him have his fun (up to a point!), and he’ll see that it’s not all he’s imagining. Then it’ll be problem solved and no more thinly veiled sexual tension on his part! Let me sidebar at this point. Though it may be questionable at times, I am in fact a semi-intelligent person. So, I do realize that this is probably not how the scenario will play out. I also realize that it will probably result in a bigger headache on my part. But, having tried to ignore it and also to talk about it, this is my next approach. Wish me luck.

Well, I was starting to think that with all this other stuff going on, I didn’t have as much time to think about and miss Soldier. Ha. Haha. That’s the universe laughing at me. I forgot to mention in my last post that, on my way back from visiting Jonathan, I was stuck behind a car that was purchased at some dealership with Soldier’s last name. (Does that make sense? It’s really hard to describe it without using the actual name on this one). Just a few minutes ago, Soldier sent me a connection request on LinkedIn. Really? You broke my heart and now won’t even talk to me, but you want to use me for your professional networking? That’s a little cruel. I’m still trying to decide whether to accept it or not.

So, I guess that’s the update for now. You know I’ll add more when I have it…in the meantime, I’ll continue to be conflicted by my feelings, and lack thereof, on various gentlemen.