Missed Connections

Wrong place. Wrong time. Wrong people. 

I think I'll keep going with the fun facts, I enjoyed them. So, we'll begin with one! 11. I love makeup. I call it "face art."

I finally asked Jonathan what went wrong this time. I guess I knew it was coming, and decided to just ask for posterity's sake. He quickly replied that he was thinking the same thing (riiight). He said he decided he doesn't like the distance. It was cowardly, really. I tried to be very mature and say that it was unfortunate, and that I thought we were both missing out. He agree and said that he wished he could be a better man. (Alright, I maybe made that last bit up. But he might as well have said it! The whole thing reeked of piteousness.) He said that he's right to keep his distance from everyone because he doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially me (buuuullshiiit). I told him it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that it goes along quite well with my own: that nobody ever cares enough to fight for me. He didn't answer. Coward-douche-sissy-jerk-face.

Things are getting dangerously close to girlfriend territory with Lindbergh. Yesterday we went to a 2 year old's birthday party. They're some good friends of his and I was surrounded by people I didn't know. (12. I get very nervous in crowds and around new people. So you put me in a large group of new people and I'm pretty much a wreck.) It seemed to start off okay at first, but not too far in one of the girls introduced me as his girlfriend. I think I had a panicked look on my face and he turned to me and goes "that was weird." It most certainly was! But how would I explain that? "Yeah, no, I like him...and he really likes me, but we're not really dating. The idea of actually dating kind of makes me want to run away and scream. That's common, right? ...Who wants cake?!" The longer we were there the more I felt like I was suffocating. I want to punch Soldier right in his stupid face because he's messed me up like this. There are really some days when I'd just prefer to be completely single and alone. (13. Being around people for very long makes me really tired. I'm quite the introvert.) I dunno. Most times I just wish I could have Soldier back. (14. I hate winter and cold more than I hate anything else. And I hate a lot of things.)

Luna will be in town this week for Thanksgiving. She really wants to hang out and get together another girls night. Oy. If we remember back, I decided I can't really do that anymore. Plus, since she's here, there's a higher chance of me seeing Soldier. What would I do? I feel like I'd have to leave, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. We'll see, I suppose. (15. Being a pushover means I have a hard time saying no to things like that. Dumb.)

And now it's bedtime, even though I'll probably just lay here for a while. Oh wellsies...doux rêves!