Post Op

Healing under the influence of impatience

I saw the surgeon for a followup yesterday, after a very up and down week. I was SUPER excited to get back to work on Monday. For real, I was actually excited. Then...Tuesday happened. My legs hurt, I was exhausted, and I felt like I was backsliding from the progress I'd made. The legs got a little better through the week, but I was more and more tired each day. 
It was worse because, as tired as I was, I couldn't sleep. My knees were throbbing and it's uncomfortable to try and sleep with them propped up and, for whatever reason, my mind stayed awake. It was infuriating and obnoxious and ridiculous. I eventually (somehow) figured it out, but it was a long week. I'm not exactly sure how it happened but I made it to the end with all my body parts intact. 

Yesterday I got a Facebook message from Cowboy. Remember him? Last I knew, months and months ago, he was all gung-ho for me to come visit him, and then there was radio silence. I'd seen that he was planning on coming into town soon, so I can't really decide if his message was surprising or not. He started with small talk...asking about the surgery and how I've been. I was very skeptical, just waiting for my chance, and then he told me his stepparent is passing away. 
Ouch. Cheap shot. I can't be mad and snooty when you throw that at me! And he knew it. I'm very sorry for the situation, but there's no need to bring me into it and cause me the misery that's been avoided for quite a while. 

If they decide they should go away, why don't they just go away?! They always want to come back, and it's hard. They try to justify it by saying they still care. But NO. You don't get to come back with that shit! 

And what am I supposed to do when he throws that traumatic information in? He knows I can't ignore someone who needs a shoulder. I of course changed my attitude and gave my sympathy. We chatted a bit and caught up, and then came the inevitable suggestion: that we should get together while he's here. I was (and still am) very weary about it, and I tried to get that through without actually saying no. I suggested that he might just want to spend family, but he assured me that he'll want to see others too. I still tried to be a little aloof; I ended up just telling him to let me know when the time comes how he feels. Part of me is expecting/hoping that he just won't get in touch with me. I mean, what good will it do to go through the whole thing again? It'll just frustrate me. 

I'm getting too old to go through all this crap.