I'm not a terrible person, I'm just very...particular.
Life never ceases to amaze, and kind of confuse me. I remember working in group homes back in college, a time when we had to make a push with the state and federal government not to make funding cuts in our area. One of my coworkers had talked about different social programs and how they differed...she said that there was no way to prevent needing our services; anybody could end up being in an accident one day and need the help of a group home. That (obviously) stuck with me; she was right.
Okay, of course I'm not bad enough to need a group home. But I kind of understand it now. Like, can I try my body for treason or something like that? Punishable by medication to get your ass in line.
Today I got my official diagnosis: undifferentiated connective tissue disease. Which is a fancy way of saying I have some kind of autoimmune disorder but they can't figure out exactly what. My biggest concern had been that all the blood work would come back okay and they'd be like "Meh, you're good. Peace out, girl scout!" And I'd be like "Nooo, sad panda!" For the most part, the tests did come back okay. However, the white blood cell count in my knee-junk-fluid was off. He said the normal amount is 200, and it can be around 2000 if things are really bad. Uh, yeah, get on my level...which was 11000. Wait, so maybe don't get on my level, because that's shockingly high. Eleven-fucking-thousand. What even is that!? Dumb. It's dumb.
On the other hand, he did say this diagnosis-non-diagnosis is a good thing. Apparently it could be much, much worse. The med I'm on now is mild and should help quite a bit in a few months, so I just have to stick it out till then. Even though I'm basically a human chameleon at this point. Bring it. Even though it kind of makes me want to cry right now.
Hey, so, remember the last post with the kind of odd exchanges with Soldier? Well, hang on to your hats, folks! I really started thinking about the trip, and really started wanting to go. He let me know when he had the details figured out a little better, I checked it with my sister (who lives out in LA) and boss to take the time off, and started looking at flights back. Everything kind of fell in line, and I'm for sure going. I kind of like the idea of not really not needing to plan or figure anything out.
Granted, it could turn out to be a hella crazy trip. I'll be spending some of the time alone with Soldier (which I of course like the idea of), and then we'll be picking up two others, ending up with me and 3 Army guys. Like, there's a chance for it to be absolutely miserable. But, I figure I can just spend all the time in LA with my sister if it's ridiculous...although maybe that's the plan anyway, I really have no idea. And that's very okay! Of course I think it would be great to spend time with them (him) in one of my fave cities, but I'll just be happy to have a week there.
I definitely need this break, and the sun and relaxation. Anything else will just be a bonus.
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