Love and Asphyxiation

Affectionately choking the life out of you.

The other day one of my coworkers said she felt sad for me because of my last Meredith post, so that needs updating. The bridal shower and bachelorette party were actually really nice--it was a lot of women who were very inclusive and talkative, there were no odd-man-out situations. And, thankfully, there was nary a penis shaped...well anything at the bachelorette party. Is that just a thing in the US? I hate it. It's tacky.

Anyway, Meredith brought one of her work friends down, and we really enjoyed chatting. At one point, she started talking about a friend Meredith had that was supposed to be in the wedding but hadn't been supportive at all. I listened to her for a minute wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut, but finally said that she was talking about me. We were both embarrassed for a few minutes, but got over it and everyone continued and had a great time. I also did my best to be helpful and supportive.
On Monday I sent Meredith an email thanking her again for such a great time. I let her know what happened with the conversation, and apologized for not being more encouraging. I also let her know we'd talked about her wedding for years, and that things weren't turning out that way at all. I told her I don't want to get to her wedding day and have her feel like it wasn't what she wanted. 

It didn't take too long for her to reply, and she was appreciative that I reached out and apologized. Then the elephant in the closet finally came into the room. She agreed that we'd talked about this for years and acknowledged that it probably hurt my feelings when she didn't ask me to stand up for her. I was glad she brought it up, since that's not really something I could have said. She said it was because of Dwight she hadn't asked. 
When Soldier and I broke up, I had a really hard time with it (as I have with every breakup.) So when I needed a friend, Meredith told me to figure it out and get over it. She was probably sick of me being upset, but I was hurting and I needed her. I needed to deal with my own shit, so I stopped talking to her. I will readily admit that I let it go far too long without talking to her and letting her know why I was upset. She was understandably sad, confused, and hurt...then we made up and it was fine. 
And that's it. Dwight was worried that something would happen and Meredith would get hurt. I'm still not sure how her being kind of a shitty friend turned into my fault, but there it is. She was put in a difficult position and, since she'll be sharing her life with him, I can't fault her for the decision she made. I'm also really glad that I know now, and I can be the Phantom of the Wedding that she's looking for. I will also be asking for an official title change to Phantom of the Wedding. 

SWITCH.

Tee has started to get a bit clingy. It's driving me a bit bat-shit-insane. I realize that this is ridiculous, as he's the nicest, most considerate guy I've ever dated. But seriously. This coming weekend, I've decided I need a weekend to myself to be lazy and veg and...well...whatever I want! 

Le sigh. I feel so dysfunctional; I don't know what the deal is and why I can't just appreciate affection. I'm probably going to die alone. And with allergies I'm going to have to get those creepy hairless cats. I'm gonna take crazy cat lady to a whooole new level!