Life lessons and life questions.
One of the best things about the area I live in is all the water. Within a half hour drive from my house, there are at least 10 beaches. This means that every summer is filled with swimming, tanning, boating, kayaking, and tubing. This last option is where our adventures take us this time.
I'd like to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for a small sad truth. It's haha sad, not boohoo sad. So I went for a jog after work...uh, nope, that's a lie; I went for a pathetic attempt at a jog after work. Well, I may have accidentally forgotten to eat before I went, so my body was really unhappy with me. This resulted in me being sweaty and gross. So, now I'm just sitting here, in my gross and filth. And I don't have a problem with it, cuz I don't care if I smell bad. And it feels like freedom. Sweet, unclean freedom. Aaaand back to the show!
I think I've already mentioned that Soldier's friends and family all think I'm kind of cool, and stayed friends with me after the fallout. A few weekends ago I was hanging out with Harry and Ginny (that's right, Harry Potter. And I won't apologize!) when they invited me to go tubing. I readily accepted, and this past weekend we set off. It was a fun time; Ginny and I were the only girls so we did our own thing and the boys did theirs. When we got back to their house, I was the only one that stuck around. Harry was pretty sloshed, but that's normal after hanging out on the river all day. We set him up on the couch, made some food, and settled in front of the telly. Harry woke up after a few hours, worse than when we got home. Though wrapped in two fleece blankets, he was shivering uncontrollably. He was discombobulated and slightly incoherent, and said his chest hurt. I got very concerned and went into crisis mode, and we took him to the hospital. I offered to drive so it would be a little less strain on the two of them...although, in reality, I was probably the most worried.
Not long after we got there, Harry and Ginny went back to the Emergency Department, and I sat in the Waiting Room. And sat. And sat. Four hours is a long time to basically just sit. When we got back to the house, Ginny offered to let me stay in the guest room, and they both thanked me. But, all of that got me thinking a lot. There's a really good line in the song "No Good Deeds" from the musical Wicked: "One question haunts and hurts; too much, too much to mention: was I really seeking good, or just seeking attention?" Sadly, I haven't actually seen the show...but I love the soundtrack.
Anyway, it's a good point. I really like Harry and Ginny, and I'm so glad they've wanted to stay friends. On the other hand, you all know how much I miss Soldier. In all honesty, it's a little difficult to hang out with them because I know he'll come up in conversation. But, I have to wonder: am I actually a good person and friend, or am I the ex that can't let go? I don't have the answer right now.
There was another interesting quandary the other day. Well, maybe not really a quandary. As you know, Soldier is on some cross country, soul searching trip. Well, the other day he posted a picture about their camping spot...but it was mostly a picture of his car with the trunk popped, with a blanket draped over the side of the trunk. This, to me (maybe only to me?) was the focal point of the picture. The interesting part is that I made him that blanket as a coming home present. Nice. I'm not good enough to keep you warm at night, but at least my gift is. I'd really like to read more into it...it made him think of me, it was a part of me on the trip, whatever...but I'm sure it's nothing. He's also on his way back and should be in town by tomorrow morning. I'm not sure how I feel about it. "Hope is the only thing stronger than fear."
Alright, I'll end this one on a good note. Rather recently, my company had a change in structure. Not really a takeover, not really a merger, but it resulted in us all having to reapply for our jobs. I was fortunate enough to have gotten a position that started earlier than others. Trust me, this was tricky enough for me. I was so thankful and relieved, but also felt guilty when I saw my coworkers coming in for interviews. Well, a while ago, one of my coworkers had an interview and I chatted with her for a while. She was (understandably) nervous, and I tried to quell it...I told her that she knew what she was doing, and she just needed to convey that to the interviewers. I also let her know that I'd been terrified of my interview and had seriously thought I bombed it. Well, that was a few months ago, and I haven't really thought about it since. Today she told me that she'd been meaning to tell me how much that helped and put her at ease. It's a little thing, but it meant a lot to me that I helped. So, if nothing else, I've got that...maybe not all good deeds are punished.
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