Muscle Milk

The Adventures of the Wilderness

I'm currently laying in a hotel bed. I'm in a kind of middle of nowhere town for a three day training, tomorrow being the last day. (Alright, I was super tired so didn't get to finish this yesterday. That might make this more entertaining though--I'm overly tired, a teensy bit buzzed, and all stuffy from a cold. Who gets a cold in the beginning of August?! DUMB.)

I was looking forward to this time away. I planned on doing a lot of hiking/jogging, seeing some elk and other woodland creatures, and just getting lost in the forest to find some simplicity, clarity, sanity, or...you know...some other kind of -ity that will help. I did do some of that...the elk were far away though, so I didn't get to make an elk friend and triumphantly ride that elky glory into work on Monday. WHAT?! They thought I was lame for wanting to see elk, so what other conclusion could I possibly come to!? Anyway I saw some elk, I heard the existence of other woodland creatures, I got terrifyingly lost in the woods, but I didn't find my -ity.  It's becoming more and more clear that what I really need is Soldier-ity. Not that I didn't know that before, but I'm getting to the point of making a deal with the devil to get my -ity back.  Sorry, I'll try to make that it for the self pity. 

Okay, I did this useless soul-searching, and I enjoyed myself. I didn't find my soul though. Uh...that's weird. Why is it called soul searching? Now I feel like I'm calling myself soulless. Buuut...I guess if I'm considering making a deal with the devil...
Ahem. Yes, I did these things I'd wanted to, but I didn't stay holed up by myself the whole time. Aaand that brings me back to actually writing the story I began. The other people in the training were really cool, and one of them happened to be bffffff. (I don't remember how many Fs I'm using now) We all have similar jobs, so it made sense for us to get to know each other and hang out a bit. 
Let me just pause and go all "First World Problems" for a minute, and say how effing nice it is to be home. I know the town and don't have to fire up the GPS every time I want to go somewhere, just crawled into bed all commando (thaaat's right, I sleep naked. Judge me, be jealous, whatever...I don't care. It's comfy.), and I don't have to care about my messiness because I'm cleaning up after myself. I also don't sleep well in beds that aren't mine (alone; I slept great when Soldier was there. The -ity) so my bed feels spectacular. Still uber-lonely, but at least familiar.
Alright. So last night we went for dinner, and Bfffff and I went early to do a little drinking (woooaaah, so surpriiised). We sat at the bar, and I immediately noticed these two guys around the corner from us. I didn't notice because they were attractive or looked interesting...I noticed because you could smell the self-loathing from a mile away. As Bfff and I sat there, I noticed one kept staring at me. He looked like he might take some life tips from Jersey Shore and aspire to be on Real World or Big Brother. Soon after Bfff and I got to the bar, the two training instructors showed up and joined us. They also noticed the guy, and started saying he was the MMA Guy, or the Angry Landscaper. Then one of the instructors saw some Muscle Milk under the bar and that became the guy's new name. Anyway, Bfff and I mentioned that we were in town for a training, that we were meeting colleagues for dinner, blah blah blah. Also, Bfff is a guy...so I was sitting at a bar with a guy drinking and doing shots. Most intelligent people would back off. Not Muscle Milk. He kept trying to chat and get my attention, and it was awkward and annoying. 

Eventually the rest of the group showed up, we moved down to a table for dinner, and I thought that was the end of it. Oh no, my friend. For some stupid reason, I sat in a seat that faced the bar. So I saw him continually staring at me. Which totally creeped me out. And the rest of them were just giggling at the situation. Muscle Milk and his cousin (sorry, I neglected to say that the other guy was his silent cousin) eventually decided to go to another bar. He'd mentioned multiple times the bar they were going to, and felt the need to tell me one last time. He stopped at our table, said goodbye, and encouraged us one more time to go to this bar. 

I just hid my head in shame for a minute. I was the youngest (and most painfully single) in this group, and had already had to endure one of my colleagues "subtly" trying to signal Bfff to go after me. More than that, what kind of f*ck-tard interrupts a dinner of professionals to give one more invitation to a hotel bar? (oh, that's right, the bar was in a Quality Inn or some other cookie cutter hotel). The interest on my part obviously didn't exist, or I would have given more encouragement when I had the chance. Needless to say, I stayed as far away from the QI as possible, and went "home" voluntarily alone. 

Okay, okay. I'm starting to get a pressure headache. I'm also so exhausted that my mouth is just hanging open. I'm sure it's a crazy sight, and I don't even care. I have more fun (I use the term loosely) to report, but it'll have to wait. 

Nighty-night my lovelies!