My So Called Life

Or, more accurately, My So Called Friends.

One of my greatest strengths is to be there. I try very, very hard to always be readily available when my friends or family need someone. In most cases, the same would be true for me. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I get one of three things: "Oh, something's wrong? Here, let me give you an instant fix it," "Figure it out and get over it," or "That sucks, but let me tell you about how my problems are so much worse." It's really, really freaking exhausting. 

Ugh. I used to be able to at least make funny stuff out of all this, but now it's just sad. I know it sounds pathetic and melodramatic, but I kind of feel like there's less sunshine and color now...and nobody seems to care. Or, maybe it's not so much not caring, and more that it's just more of the same for me and I should be used to rejection by now. I suppose I should, but that never really gets easier, especially when you've had the idea that you'd have a life with that person. I think it would be easier if there was some sort of physical wound to go with a broken heart. Then people would at least see that you're not okay. 

Of course, these are all generalizations. I know that a lot of people have waaay bigger problems than I do. I also do have some friends that will just listen to me. There just seems to be a small group that seem to have a never-ending list of problems. And they're the ones that have these replies, and that I hear from every day. Allen told me that he wouldn't put up with it, and I shouldn't either; I was annoyed that he was dangerously close to telling me what to do. 

Okay, I know that I can talk to a million people and it won't fix my problem or make me feel better, no matter what they say or don't say. I know that it won't bring Soldier back. But it would at least be nice for someone to seem to care that I'm hurting too, and that I need to be heard to. Even if it's just for a few minutes. 
There's one friend that I actually stopped talking to because of this. I have my issues, don't want to be told to get over it, and don't have the energy to listen to whatever she's going to cry about today. Yesterday, her boyfriend even asked me what was going on. I understand where he's coming from, and the sentiment is nice, but that's overstepping boundaries. If I felt I could talk to her about it, I would. Problem is, I know it would just turn back to her and how she's a bad friend and all the reasons her life is doing that and she'd end up crying with me consoling her. 

Anyway, that's my rant on friends. Again, I know talking to them won't bring him back. But, it's a good lesson to remember...even the person that you always go to needs someone to listen as well. 
And that's my after school special