Alright, a vodka tonic, but that doesn't sound as classy. Anyway, I was thinking (I know, I know "did it hurt?!" Hahahah, you're so funny and clever.)...actually, I've been thinking a lot lately. I mean I have a lot of free time...which can be bad, because it leads to some existentialism. Generally I think existentialism is silly and frustrating, because there's no answer.
So here it is: attraction is a funny thing. What makes one person attracted to another?
Welp, the vodka has taken a turn to tequila town. Bfffffff was in town (he lives a ways away) so we went for drinks and, of course, tequila shots. Hold on to your hats, ladies and gents, we're about to take a ride.
I just sent Allen a text, I don't know why I did that. Apparently I'm that lonely and starved for attention and/or affection. I'm not sure which. Damn I'm lonely.
So, attraction. The part that I don't get is how one person can feel it, and completely fall, and the other doesn't. Why is that? I can think of multiple guys off the top of my head that this has happened with, and for both sides. (As in, them falling and not me, and me falling and not them). So what is it? I obviously don't have the answer.
I suppose I need to backtrack a bit. It amuses me how guys come out of the woodwork once I'm single again, but it's such a diverse group. Here's a rundown:
- Dr. Stephen: Mmmmmm...Dr. Stephen. He's basically a real life version of a romance character. Med student. personal trainer, surfer, personal trainer, multi-multi-lingual, respectful, sexy, GORGEOUS. He actually treated me like a princess; spending time with him was absolute bliss.
- Crap. I have to come up with names for the rest.
- John Keats: the original romantic. Someone I'd known of in high school, but never really talked to...a writer and a dreamer. It freaked me out with this amazing idea he'd had of me. Recently I posted a FB status and he said he'd "follow me into the dark." Super sweet but, again, I don't trust a romantic.
- Lindberg: hobby pilot and wine/liquor salesman. A really great guy, I just didn't see it going super far...and I couldn't even explain why. I really liked him though.
- Einstein: the valedictorian from my graduating class, went to a Big Ten school, works/has worked (not looking that up) for Fortune 500 companies. I think he always had a little thing for me.
- Tex: the crazy Texan! Met him when we both worked at a performing arts camp...he's a wonderful mix of performer, shocker, and charmer.
- The last one I'm not even giving a name to, because he's not worth it. Last time I talked to him, he told me I should consider suicide. Works at a car dealership or something, possibly has a degree from a mediocre university (I can say that because I went there for a year) and has an out of wedlock child. So, not really worth mentioning, but I suppose he fits in the list.
What puzzles me is how all of these come to me. So much diversity, so many different personalities and backgrounds. So why me? I guess if I had that answer, I wouldn't be here writing to all of you when I should be sleeping. But, mostly, why all of them, and not Soldier?
Again, I wouldn't be doing this if I had that answer. I hope, pray, scream, beg, cry, yearn, wish, and demand every day that Soldier will come back. And yet, here I am. Pathetic, broken, and trying to seem normal. Thank goodness I'm a decent actress.
So, this was your first sad/pitiful/self loathing entry...seems a bit quick. Thoughts, prayers, and witchcraft to bring back that part of my heart are welcome. All others will be towed!
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