Return of the Ex(es)

The last time we heard about Elliot, he was lighting a match to burn that bridge. Here’s a recap:

Elliot lives on the West Coast, and I’m in the Midwest. We dated for a few months, but it really didn’t work out. We stayed amicable, and I had no ill feelings toward him. We’d been broken up for at least two years, when I got a Facebook message from his girlfriend. She didn’t appreciate that I commented on one of his statuses, and felt the need to let me know. I found this odd (and more than a little irritating) because they’d been dating for a year and a half and had just gotten back from a tropical vacation, and I was across the freaking country.  I hadn’t even entertained any thoughts of getting back together with him and was absolutely livid. But, trying to be the bigger person, I simply didn’t reply. I then got a message from him apologizing for it, but letting me know that he needed “to abide by her wishes” and for the “friendly banter” to slow. Not knowing Elliot, that probably seems valid. But one of the things that had drawn me to him in the first place was his sense of justice and fairness, and his refusal to let people push him around. So here I was looking like some crazed ex-girlfriend pining for him, and he was gently inserting his manhood into a jar by her bed, and it pissed me off. I did give them what they wanted and unfriended him, and haven’t talked to him since.

Which brings us to now: last week I randomly got a message from him.  It had an article from my town that made national news, and of course it made him think of me. He then commented on my new short hair (I chopped off about a foot)…then started telling me about this nice new lady he’s dating and how wonderful his life is. Umm…hmm. First off, I care more about what fresh ridiculousness the Kardashians are getting into than what’s going on with his life. (Which is really saying a lot, because I think they’re a waste. I’m a little concerned I’m starting to have an unhealthy hatred obsession, like what happens in Mean Girls.) So, anyway, I don’t care. (And cue the Fall Out Boy song!) Secondly…just…wtf? We haven’t spoken in over a year, you’re probably trying to clear the air, and that’s how you go about doing it? And it was irrationally irritating because of the recent breakup. Douche-face.

So, last weekend, I went grocery shopping. Not a big deal for normal people, but I don’t like crowds so I kind of have to prep myself. I had my list and was all good to go, and I almost immediately saw my very first boyfriend and his mom and sister. He’s been married for a few years, and I’m not sure his mom and sister liked me all that much, so I steered down a different aisle and tried to hide a bit. I ended up running into them about 10 more times…I just hoped they didn’t recognize me.

These kind of things always seem to happen to me in groups…I’m not relishing whatever ex will pop out of the woodwork next.